I can't top the BD drivel ...mine were quite boring really... the usual "we've grown apart", "you deserve better than me, I create sh## everywhere I go" etc.
But his excuse for not coming home all night the first time (when obviously with OW) is a classic. "I ate some bad pizza, got really sick at work, everyone else had left for the night and then while being sick I dropped my cellphone down the toilet and it wouldn't work. I had to sleep there."
What there were no other phones to use!!?
Then later, "I dried the phone out very slowly in the oven, it's working again now".
.
Do you think I was suspicious after this? You bet ya!!