[terrified_in_TN]

What's the point? These are not two extremes to be either one or the other, gentlemen! You have to have them both as traits and exercise them frequently! Ladies need the security of a kind and gentle man, but also need to be challenged and excited frequently! A bit of "aggressiveness" and proper "man-handling" at the appropriate times seems to work wonderfully!!


I've been busy; missed out on all the "diamond cutting" conversation! Bummer! 


DO

I guess that is EXACTLY what happened in my m. I represent stability and "boringness", especially these last few years. OM represents excitement the bad boy persona, the "alpha" if you will. I guess that mlc pendulum swung way the hell over in my case. I think as u said d.o. a comfortable r/m is somewhere in between. But isnt that what this process is all about?

-T

  You know I got to really thinking hard about this...Those that knew us would say my wife was the "Alpha" of the relationship.  Although she projected a strong independent persona, inside she was weak.  I was actually the strong one emotionally.  I didn't care about how our r seemed to others.

  I often do wish I was more assertive.  And I understand balance is the key to a successful r.  BUT...does it really make any difference to the MLCer?  In other words, if your a "bad boy", maybe your spouse gets bored of the bad boy image/lifestyle and wonders "what if" she had settled down with a nice guy instead?  Or vice versa...

  I think the point here, is although I do accept my own shortcomings, does it REALLY make a difference when it comes to MLC?  If they have FOO issues, its going to surface anyway, isn't it?

-T

[MeNow]

This isn't about your MLCer, it's about you and future relationships, which may include W or not.
Women do like a bit of fun and excitement. You've got the stable, nice part down. Why not explore the other side a bit?

[in it]

IMHO a lot of it is based on FOO issues they refuse to address. Their childhood was perfect! If you ask them.

And even if it wasn't they simply will not come to terms with the damage that may have been done...somehow the pain is too much for them so they act out this way instead.

[Medusa]

  I think the point here, is although I do accept my own shortcomings, does it REALLY make a difference when it comes to MLC?  If they have FOO issues, its going to surface anyway, isn't it?

Accepting our own shortcomings is an I portent part of our process. We look deeply into ourselves and fix what we don't like,

Would their MLC have happened anyway? Maybe. Although FOO issues certainly play a role, there are plenty of us who also have FOO issues but haven't spiraled into MLC. Its well-known in psychology that of a person slips a developmental stage they will revisit it. One thing I find very interesting on this board is that there seem to be a large number of us who have been with our spouses since the teen years. In my sitch, he was 16 when we met; I was 17. He hadn't dated much; I had. We broke up for a year in college and I dated more. He didn't. That  I think, plays a big role in his MLC. He feels like he missed out on things because he wanted to grow up fast. Conversely, I seem to have gone through developmental stages fairly normally. I certainly have my own FOO issues which I finally addressed thanks to His MLC, but if this is only about FOO then I should have been the one to have it.

I agree with MeNow that this is about you and your future. It's about you becoming the man you want to become, whomever he is.

[nah]

This isn't about your MLCer, it's about you and future relationships, which may include W or not.
Women do like a bit of fun and excitement. You've got the stable, nice part down. Why not explore the other side a bit?

I agree with this 100%.  If a guy is trying too hard, I'm not interested.  I like a guy who is confident, doing his own thing, look at me and smile is ok, but not too much. 

There was this guy at work that I was very attracted to, he was not that good looking but he had something.  It was the way he walked, the way he looked at me, very sure of himself (there's a word for it but not appropriate for this forum).  I fall for those guys every time, probably is what gets me in so much trouble. 

 

[Searching4Answers]

MLCer's say the strangest things...........

H and I were watching a show where there is a King and Queen as the main characters. The queen is of course beautiful and physically attractive. The queen has to pick a mistress for the king so she picks someone that she can trust. The mistress is pretty but chunky compared to the queen. The king and mistress are getting to know each other and the next scene shows the queen crying in her bed because the king is going to be intimate with the mistress. H says "why is she crying she is the skinny one?"

I was speechless.

[in it]

 

I give up..they are totally clueless.

[Slow Fade]

Ok, I have one that seems to be new.

My H told me this weekend that he had a hard time telling me he loved me because he now has a "phobia" about love. Seriously? 

[blackice]

Mine told me back in March he was too scared to admit he loved me. That he buried his feelings for me cause it terrified him.

[patience.of.a.saint]

This isn't about your MLCer, it's about you and future relationships, which may include W or not.
Women do like a bit of fun and excitement. You've got the stable, nice part down. Why not explore the other side a bit?

I agree with this 100%.  If a guy is trying too hard, I'm not interested.  I like a guy who is confident, doing his own thing, look at me and smile is ok, but not too much. 

There was this guy at work that I was very attracted to, he was not that good looking but he had something.  It was the way he walked, the way he looked at me, very sure of himself (there's a word for it but not appropriate for this forum).  I fall for those guys every time, probably is what gets me in so much trouble. 

 

I agree as well. Stable and nice is a good start, but there's something about the confidence that is attractive. Not obnoxious & over the top confidence, but just that "something" that Nah mentioned. You don't have to be the best looking guy...a little sparkle in the eyes goes a long way....at least for me, which is what gets me in trouble. My guy liked to say "Hey, Woman..." when he wanted something...his mother hated it if she heard him call me that, but I'd look at him, & with those darn sparkly eyes & the way he said it, that could make me feel like I was the only one who could do whatever it was that he wanted at the time. It was never a demand like his mother saw it...it just seemed sexy sounding to me. And, I have to say it's much better than being called "baby" which is what he calls the OW.