[stayed]

I am not sure whether this is coincidence or not, but I recognize some common factors in all of our LBS stories
We are fixers
We are very independent
We take care of the household stuff on our own (with or without appreciation of H)
We set our selves aside for the sake of our H and family, but we were proud of them

That is so apparent, isn't it.  I think the strangest part is OUR pride in our spouses.  We seem to hand it over to them, as though they were the ones that were holding up our families. 

I must confess, I have many girlfriends whose spouses do so much.  Around the house, with the children, community participation ie, coaching hockey, baseball, whatever.  Plus work.  I have friends who were home all day and their husbands come home, clean the house, take the children to the park... and then cooked supper.  AND my friends moan and groan about their spouse all the time!

I always was STUNNED!  Would sit there with my mouth open, wondering what the hell I did wrong?   

Yet, here we all have experienced rejection, replacement in most cases and intense dislike from our spouse.... duh  wth??
hugs... Stayed...

[Mermaid]

I am not sure whether this is coincidence or not, but I recognize some common factors in all of our LBS stories
We are fixers
We are very independent
We take care of the household stuff on our own (with or without appreciation of H)
We set our selves aside for the sake of our H and family, but we were proud of them

That is so apparent, isn't it.  I think the strangest part is OUR pride in our spouses.  We seem to hand it over to them, as though they were the ones that were holding up our families. 

This could be me too!!!! Yes, I also built up a lot of resentment to my H for not participating, supporting or even noticing what I did.

[stayed]

How could we not Mermaid?  Yet, we still felt PRIDE for our spouses.... we are an odd group eh?

hugs Stayed...

[Bewildered]

Just wanted to add my views on the LBS (well on this site) anyway ..

I feel we are not only   - to quote

    We are fixers, very independent
    We take care of the household stuff on our own (with or without appreciation of H)
    We set our selves aside for the sake of our H and family, but we were proud of them

But we have structured mindsets that are able to be flexible and see the big picture, a MLC person can't do this and  I think they struggled as a person before MLC with this ability.

So our skills at juggling putting pieces together to form a whole and seeing the bigger picture infuriates them. As they can't do this !!!!!!!!

They fail when they try and they can't understand our ability so pretend to not  appreciate these skills

No one does do they ?  appreciate skills that they don't have ? and these are inherent and cannot be learnt so the wives that have the 'good life' example their  H that run around after them are either fooling their H 's or are incapable of multi tasking and thinking - my guess is the latter because if you are a flexible mindset person you abhor fixed mindsets  they irritate you as they wont try and think outside there tiny box ... so that is why I think we are all where we are today ..... the MLC journey I believe helps the man/women grow up and change how they think so more open, thoughtful and honest - the journey is all about them because they are the problem and its so HUGE they do need to concentrate ton themselves

Just a thought .............. B xx

[stayed]

That's an interesting observation Bewildered.  I think our part of the journey, is where we actually analyze this innate skill of ours and see it for what it really is.  Which enables us to let go.  Allows us to get on with our lives and regain our confidence. 

If our spouses manage to complete their journey, learning how to appreciate the talents of their spouses and indeed capitalize on them without resentment and jealousy, then a wonderful relationship can be formed.  With a strong foundation based on mutual respect, honest and admiration. 

Hugs Stayed...

[Glimmer]

My H has recently commented on my new job. I am a carer in the community. He said to me that I should give it a few months then look for something better suited to my skills. I am happy with what I do for now.   He said I had always been a good organiser, so a job based around that would be good.

I suppose I should take that as a complement.   After all he had no problems letting me organise his life and family for 20years, so I would think I am pretty good at it by now.

I too was always very supportive of H,  and was/still am proud of what he has achieved. With the exception of MLC of course.

[Bewildered]

Glimmer

a good sign he recognises a skill of yours but it goes deeper to me .. its admiring it and seeing it as something he can be proud of as it may be some thing he cant do ?

He also IMO - hate to say this but he belittled  you by not saying that your current job impresses him - I thinkthis job and you doing it is admirable/difficult /etc
But oh no he cant say this ..... He still IMO wants to control your thoughts about your life, what you do , him as the God of What is good for you etc
Live your life Do what makes you happy and when he sees he has no control he will notice .. agree with him and do what he wants .. why should he not think 'same as'
again k=just my opinion X

[stayed]

I must say I agree with Bewildered about this.  What he should have said, was "good for you glimmer... you are amazing".  Instead, he said, this job was beneath you, you could do SO MUCH MORE... sounded like a compliment, but was intended to make you feel dissatisfied... jerk.

You could do anything you wanted to do Glimmer.  If this job is making you feel good about yourself, do not let him take your pride from having found it... ALL BY YOURSELF.

Bewildered is right, he is trying to control from afar... don't let him honey.

hugs Stayed...

[Bewildered]

THANKS STAYED

For the agreement - Glimmer say to him I thought of what you said and thsi job is givng me so much .. an insight into community issues and how importatn ths work is ..think I might take it furthure maybe a councillor or something political ?? as I really think as you said I have such excellent organiating skills and I am always being told that i a, a calm and caring person - what do you think??? I could maybe change peoples lifes??

watch the smoke come out of his ears .....

[Glimmer]

Thanks for your kind comments.

I am proud of what  I do, it is sometimes difficult and not the type of work everyone would be suited to.  I felt deflated as well over his comments and the impression that this type of work is beneath me. Maybe he feels it is not in keeping with his own image, and the circles he moves in now.  Then again if he doesn't see a future for us together, then what difference does it make to him anyway.

I agree he is a jerk.