justkeepmoving
My H has NC with his children and I have come to the conclusion that he is a COWARD. He is pretending in his fantasy world that everything will be alright with his R with his girls with time. STUPID, STUPID LITTLE BOY !! He has basically destroyed his R with his Ds and doesn't seem to know it or for that matter care at the moment.
My husband and I have talked a lot about the children since we reconciled. How he see's his behavior towards them is completely different then he did, when we first reconciled. His attitude about the children when we first reconciled was part of the reason, I wasn't sure we would make it. He was actually quite annoyed with them! Yea, unbelievable eh? He did not feel he owed them an apology, he felt that what happened was between us, that they should keep their noses out of OUR business. He also, felt that as they grew older they would understand better, he often commented that at least 2 or more of the 5 would eventually divorce themselves if statistic were correct, seeing as 50% of all marriages end in divorce. We used to get in to it real bad when we had these discussions. I was so disgusted with him. There were times when I came so close to packing my bags and leaving him.
Not sure, what made him see the light but by the time our youngest daughter got married in June 2007, he actually made his apology to them, as part of his speech at her wedding. I know it was heart sent and meant but they did not hear it as an apology whatsoever. They saw it as an attempt to extricate him from what he had done. They saw it as grandstanding. They were not impressed. 5 yrs. later if you asked any one of them, they would still claim they did not HEAR an apology.
Personally, I felt he should have done it properly, privately, with just the kids and ourselves, their partners as well. As my h's betrayal had horrendous effects on their relationships with their partners. The girls became extremely jealous and questioned their bf's every action, if they were late coming home the girls were suspicious. The boys, were just plain afraid that it might be genetic. They felt that MLC was a male problem only, they were terrified they might do the same thing to their future wives some day. The fallout from this crap is pretty spectacular, for something that an MLCer see's as a private issue that does not EFFECT anybody but their spouse and themselves, I can assure it, it definitely does not.
Our children are now 32, 31,30,28 and almost 25, they still do not respect him or trust him to remain faithful to me. If he tries to discuss relationship issues with them, they make it very clear to him, that they are not interested in his views and opinions, that in their opinion, there is nothing could say about that subject that would of ANY worth to them. That is definitely not an expert on the topic and that he is the luckiest man in the world that his wife, their mother took him back. To them, "once a cheater... always.... a cheater" is their belief. Each one of them warned him when he came back, that if he ever hurt their mother like that again, he would be dead to them.
That being said, they all admit that they are glad we reconciled. They are totally upfront that their reasons are totally selfish, as they really did not want to come from a broken home. They did not want the grandchildren to have step grandparents and last but not least, they knew and respected the fact that I WANTED our marriage to continue.
Just to show you how selfish an MLCer is, my husband actually resented their attitude, as he felt they were being ungrateful little brats, after all those years that he had been so good to them and had supported them. Silly man didn't outright say that but he did allude to it once and they told him in no uncertain terms that they felt they had paid their dues to him and his career. They felt all the moves and lectures about behavior that he had subjected them to because he was an officer etc., all the months and months his job took him away, missing many of the most important events in their lives, all the friends they had left, they had quite a list. They told him where he could stuff his indignant protests about their disrespect to him. They told him they didn't care what he thought of them, as they had no respect for him as a man, a father but mostly a husband. They were pretty brutal. Not young people to keep their opinions to themselves.
The tension between husband and the kids is better but I doubt they will ever totally forgive him and they will never forget. The price he paid for his MLC and betrayal, has been very expensive.
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Stayed's H letter