My husband went thru the fastest most entense midlife crisis in 2013. He dropped the hugest cruelest “bomb” on our life , our marriage and our family in May 2013. By June , he was out of control , having an affair and was destroying a 30 year marriage and devastating me and our 5 daughters . . He could not be stopped… I know, I tried everything I knew to stop him . My Sept .. he was out of our home and life would never again be the same. He ran , escaped , avoided family and friends , quit his job and turned his character into someone we did not know. He returned in Dec 2013 …. And we are still licking our wounds and trying to recover . I found this letter inside a book by Jim Conway . He said “ someone anonymous “ mailed the book to him… he has no idea to this day who sent the letter . It is worth posting ..
SIR
MAKE NO MISTAKE .. I DO NOT KNOW YOU AND WE HAVE NEVER MET .. BUT I KNOW OF YOUR FAMILY AND WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO THEM . I DID THE SAME . EXACTLY THE SAME TO MY DEEPEST SHAME AND REGRET . MY REASON FOR TALKING TO YOU IS PRIVATE AND ONLY TO MAKE ME FEEL SOMETHING GOOD CAN COME OF MY MISTAKES IF I CAN TURN ONE OTHER MAN AROUND TO FACE HIMSELF AND STOP BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE FOR THE $hit THAT YOU ARE FEELING. OR AT THE VERY LEAST MAKE HIM LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND FACE HIMSEF . YOU ARE THE 4TH MAN IF HAVE DONE THIS FOR . MY WAY OF “PAYING IT FORWARD “. I LEFT MY FAMILY FOR 10 MONTHS AND TRIED TO RETURN AT THAT POINT . MY WIFE WANTED NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AND WILL NEVER FORGIVE WHAT I DID TO HER AND TO MY KIIDS . SHE IS BITTER AND HATEFULL AND HURT IN A WAY I NEVER INTENDED . STILL I PURSUE AND BEG FORGIVENESS … I WANT MY WIFE AND FAMILY . I MAY NEVER HAVE THAT NOW . ABANDONING A MARRIAGE ABANDONES THE FAMILY. I WILL NEVER BE PROUD OF THAT, AND NEITHER WILL YOU.. I AM A 58 YEAR OLD MAN FILLED WITH REGRET AND SHOCKED AT WHAT I ALLOWED MYSELF DO TO MY FAMILY.
I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF BUYING THIS BOOK FOR YOU. AT TRUE FRIEND HANDED IT TO ME AND TOLD ME TO GET MY $hit TOGETHER BECAUSE I WAS NOT THAT MAN HE KNEW. NO ONE ELSE DARED TO CONFRONT ME. IT IS WHAT FINALLY MADE ME SEE WHAT THE F**K I WAS DOING .. THAT AND A GOOD SHRINK ( A REALLY GOOD SHRINK) AND MY ASS IN A CHURCH PEW . I FACED MYSELF AS A MAN HAS TO DO …. RUNNING IS YOU WORST MISTAKE. I KNEW THAT . AND STILL I RAN . I BELIEVE YOU KNOW THAT TO. YOU WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING IN YOUR WORLD IF YOU CONTINUE TO RUN FROM YOUR SELF . AVOIDING EVERYTHING BECAME A WAY OF LIFE FOR ME . A REALIZATION THAT HAS BEEN ONE OF MY BIGGIST MISTAKES AS A MAN , AS A FATHER AND AS A HUSBAND. TAKE MY WORD FOR IT … I DID IT AND PAYING A BIG PRICE FOR IT NOW . YOU CANNOT MEASURE MY REGRET . YOU ARE DESTROYING YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR KIDS WILL BE FOREVER MARKED BY YOUR ACTIONS . A DAUGHTER SUFFERS FOR YEARS WHEN A DADDY LEAVES HER .HOW WILL SHE TRUST A MAN IF SHE CANNOT TRUST HER OWN FATHER . HOW CAN SHE EXPLAIN TO HERSELF WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THE DAD SHE KNEW AND HAS NOW WALKED AWAY . I HAVE 2 DAUGHTERS AND THEY HAVE DESCRIBED THEIR PAIN TO ME. I HAVE CRIED LIKE I NEVER KNEW I COULD. THEY HAVE AGREED TO COME TO THE SHRINK WITH ME AND I AM GRATEFULL TO GOD FOR A SECOND CHANCE WITH THEM. MY SON WILL NOT TALK TO ME. NOT TO MENTION ANY GRANDKIDS YOU MAY HAVE . MY GRANDKIDS LOOK AT ME IN FEAR AND CONFUSION . WHEN I FINALLY REALIZED THIS IS MY BATTLE … NOTHING MY WIFE DID , NOTHING MY KIDS DID … I DID THIS TO MYSELF BY NOT SHARING MY FEELINGS , NOT TALKING TO MY FAMILY , SHUTTING MY WIFE OUT AND BLAMING HER FOR ALL MY $hit, NOT FACING CRAP IN MY LIFE I SHOULD HAVE GOT A HANDLE ON YEARS AGO AND LET WORK BE MY PRIORITY FOR YEARS AND YEARS . I BURNT MYSELF OUT AN EVEN FOUND A WAY TO BLAME THAT ON MY WIFE .I TOLD MY WIFE NOTHING ABOUT MY UNHAPPINESS OR ANYTHING INTIMATE AND THEN I BLAMED HER FOR NOT LOVING ME. SEEMS THAT IS WHAT WE MEN DO WHEN WE STRUGGLE THRU MIDLIFE CRAP . IMAGINE THE PAIN WE HAVE BURIED INTO OUR WIVES. I THOUGHT I WOULD FINALLY BE HAPPY IF I COULD GET AWAY FROM MY WIFE, MY OLD LIFE , AND THE RESPONSIBILTY I WAS SO F**KING SICK OF . I WANTED CHANGE MORE THAN MY FAMILY . I WAS AN ASS TO ALLOW THAT TO OVERPOWER ME. I FINALLY WOKE UP ONE DAY , JUST AS UNHAPPY AS I WAS 10 MONTHS AGO . BUT NOW FILLED WITH GUILT, LONELINESS, SELF DOUBT AND PHYSICALLY SICK. IT WAS LIKE A LIGHTENING BOLT OF REALITY . I OWN THIS … THIS IS MY RESPONSIBILITY TO GIVE 100 % OF MYSELF TO FIX . . .. FOR THE SAKE OF MY FAMILY , MY WIFE AND MY PEACE … WHEN I FINALLY TURNED TO MY WIFE FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT THAT SHE ONCE HAD FOR ME …. IT WAS GONE . MID LIFE DISTORTS OUR THINKING, I AM PROOF.
MY KIDS ARE POLITE .. THEY TALK TO ME . BUT I KNOW THAT THEY NEVER WILL FORGIVE OR RESPECT ME AGAIN .THEY WILL NEVER TRUST ME 100% BECAUSE I BECAME UNPREDICTABLE AND BEHAVED IN A WAY THEY COULD NOT ACCEPT AND HAVE NEVER SEEN FROM ME . THEY MAY NEVER COME TO ME FOR ADVISE IN THE FUTURE . I HAVE MUCH TO REPAIR. THEY WILL NEVER FORGIVE THAT I TORE THEIR MOTHER IN HALF , BLAMED HER AND LEFT HER HOLDING ALL MY RESPONSIBILITIES AS A MAN .. THEY WATCHED HER CRY FOR MONTHS .. AND WILL NEVER FEEL THE SAME ABOUT ME AS A FATHER . IF YOU HAVE SON IN LAWS .. THEY KEEP THEIR MOUTHS SHUT FOR SOME FAMILY PEACE .. BUT THEY ARE PRAYING TO GOD THEY DO NOT TURN INTO YOU
. SO WHILE YOU ARE OUT CHASING WHAT YOU “THINK YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO “ AND FINALLY BE “HAPPY” AND ALL THAT OTHER $hit … YOUR FAMILY IS LIKELY ALL IN COUNSELLING , ON ANTIDEPRSSANTS , DOING ALL YOUR “WORK” AS THE MAN IN THE FAMILY, TRYING NOT TO HATE YOUR GUTS , AND PRAYING THAT THE MAN THEY KNOW AS GREAT FATHER AND HUSBAND WILL SNAP THE HELL OUT OF IT . YOU WILL NOT “SNAP OUT OF IT “ .. UNLESS YOU WANT TO AND DO THE WORK IT TAKES TO RESTORE YOURSELF AS A MAN OF INTEGRITY , WORTHY OF RESPECT AND LET THEM LOVE YOU … IF THEY CAN NOW . THESE FEELINGS ARE NOT STRONGER THAN YOU … YOU ARE THE POWER THAT CAN TURN THIS ALL AROUND … THAT IS HOW YOU WILL RESTORE YOU SELF RESPECT AND PRIDE AND ULTIMATELY YOUR LIFE AND THE 10 OR 20 PEOPLE YOU HAVE DEVASTATED . YOU HAVE THAT POWER . YOU CAN CONTINUE TO LIVE IN DENIAL , AVOID FEELING WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO YOUR FAMILY AND TO YOUR OWN LIFE , CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT THIS IS ALL FOR THE BEST AND YOU “DESERVE” TO LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE NO MATTER WHAT THE COST TO THOSE THAT LOVE YOUR WITH THEIR HEART AND SOUL . AFTERALL , YOU ARE ALL ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LIVE FOREVER , SO YOU BETTER CRAM EVERYTHING YOU WANT INTO THE REMAINING YEARS . IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU . AND AT THE END OF THIS TRANSITION , THAT IS ALL YOU WILL HAVE LEFT . A LONELY , DEEPLY REGRETFULL MAN FULL OF SELF PITY AND ALONE . WITH YOU. JUST LIKE ME . MEN ARE VERY ANXIOUS TO IMPROVE WHAT THEY VIEW AS $hitTY CIRCUMSTANCES, BUT ARE UNWILLING TO IMPROVE THEMSELVES, TO DEAL WITH THIER EMOTIONS, SO THEY RUN AND LOCK THEMSELVES INTO DEPRESSION. THEY WILL ALSO DENY THAT. I DID. IT IS NOT YOUR WIFE THAT YOU DO NOT LOVE . YOU WILL COME TO REALIZE THAT IT IS YOUSELF, THAT YOU ARE UNABLE TO LOVE. BUT YOUR WIFE AND FAMILY THAT ARE PAYING THE PRICE AND LIVING IN PAIN BEYOND DESCRIPTION. FACE YOUR WOUNDS, GET SOME HELP AND WORK ON HEALING YOURSELF SO YOU CAN BE THE MAN YOU REALLY WANT TO BE IN YOUR FAMILY. THAT IS WHERE YOU WILL FIND PEACE.
READ THIS BOOK WITH AN OPEN MIND, ACCEPT THE PARTS WHERE YOU CAN SEE YOURSELF AND CHALLENGE YOURSELF TO MAKE SOME CHANGES . DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. YOUR FAMILY IS DEPENDING ON YOU TO HEAL YOURSELF. TAKE THIS BOOK TO YOUR NEARSEST SUPPORT PERSON OR SHRINK. THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY FOR TRUE CHANGE AND GETTING TO KNOW YOURSELF. NOT AS A MAN ON THE RUN. A MAN IN THE MIRROR IS WHO YOU NEED TO FACE AND HEAL. YOU CAN DO THIS. I HAVE NO DOUBT. TALK TO YOUR WIFE, TELL HER YOUR PLAN , WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO TO SET THINGS RIGHT. IT IS WORTH EVERY BIT OF EFFORT YOU PUT INTO THIS PROCESS . THERE IS PEACE AND UNDERSTANDING FOR YOURSELF AT THE END. STOP RUNNING AND AVOIDING YOURSELF. THAT IS NOT THE ANSWER.ASK ANY MAN THAT HAS DONE THIS AND THEY WILL TELL YOU IT IS NOT THE SCRIPT WRITTEN FOR YOU. IT SERVES NO POSITIVE PURPOSE AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE.
I HAVE NOT MET YOUR WIFE .. BUT I KNOW WHO SHE IS , A BEAUTIFUL WOMEN WHO HAS A DEEP UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT YOU ARE GOING THRU . LUCKY YOU. I HAVE HEARD HER SPEAK. WHEN SHE IS DONE WAITING FOR YOU,( AND SHE WILL BE ) YOU CAN BET YOUR LAST DIME, SOME OTHER MAN WILL SEE EXACTLY THE WOMEN SHE IS INSIDE AND SHE WILL BE GONE AND SHE WILL TAKE YOUR FAMILY WITH HER .THERE WILL BE A NEW MAN LIVING IN YOUR HOUSE AS THERE IS IN MINE .YOUR KIDS WILL COME TO ACCEPT HIM AND RELY ON HIM FOR MANY THINGS YOU WALKED AWAY FROM.BELIEVE ME, YOU DO NOT WANT THIS IN YOUR LIFE, BUT THAT IS EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE HEADING. THAT IS EXACTLY WHERE I AM. SHE HAS EARNED THE LOVE AND LOYALTY OF YOUR KIDS BY DOING THE RIGHT THINGS FOR THEM AND MAKING THEM A PRIORITY AS THEY TRY TO HEAL . AND I KNOW HER PROFOUND PAIN .. I SEE IT IN MY WIFES EYES AND I HAVE SEEN IT IN YOUR WIFES EYES . IT IS THE SAME . IF I DID NOT LOVE MY WIFE ( I KNOW THIS NOW ) I WOULD BE GOING FOR YOURS . YOU HAVE A SMALL WINDOW SIR .. TO AVOID SITTING ALONE .. DEEP IN REGRET AND DEPRESSION, CHASING SOMETHING THAT DOES NOT EXIST AND RUNNING AWAY FROM WHAT DOES … I CAN SAVE YOU A SEAT IF YOU LIKE OR YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN ME AND HUG YOUR WIFE, ASK FOR FORGIVENESS AND ACCEPT WHAT SHE CAN GIVE YOU BEFORE IT IS ALL TOO LATE. HOPEFULLY YOU WILL BE ACCPTED BACK INTO YOUR LIFE AND YOUR FAMILY AND YOU ARE AT THE HEAD OF YOUR CHRISTMAS TABLE CARVING YOUR OWN TURKEY AND FEELING PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU PULLED YOURSELF OUT OF . YOU ARE ABOUT TO MAKE PERMANENT CHANGES IN ALL THE PEOPLE THAT YOU HAVED LOVED, FOR A TEMPORARY PHASE IN YOUR LIFE.. TRUST ME.
I HOPE FOR ALL CONCERNED YOU TAKE THIS ADVISE FROM A STRANGER THAT KNOWS YOU BETTER THAN YOU THINK…
REGARDS AND PRAYERS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
" WITHOUT HIS FAMILY, MAN, ALONE IN THE WORLD , TREMBLES IN THE COLD.
A Letter To My Husband .... From A Stranger.
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