[barbiedoll]

I agree.. timing, the bible, where in the process he is etc. I do not think a book and a letter turned him around. But it most certainly gave him something to think about...if nothing else. If it was the absolute turning factor... he would have been at my door same day with book , letter and remorse on the same day. He was not. He does not even remember exactly when he got it. BUT , I do know he kept it. He read it several times. He copied it because he was going to give me a copy while he was out of the house. ( he did not). He has shown it to other family members. It had an inpact without doubt. I absolutely talked to him until I was blue in the face and so was the therapist (prior to him leaving). He HEARD NOTHING . I will never know the inner workings of his brain at the time, he does not know "what the hell was I thinking". So whether the letter changed his thinking will remain a mystery... same as the person who sent it. I am gratefull someone cared about me , him and our family. That might be the most important significance of all.

[starrett]

WOW!!!!!!  I think every MLC should get a copy of this letter , and  if it is for   women change the wording, if for men leave it alone

[TopsyTurvy]

Thank you….I am thinking of sending this anonymously with the book (which I have) to H's work….but he works in a Police Station….do you think he'd get it fingerprinted!!! lol 

[OldPilot]

WOW!!!!!!  I think every MLC should get a copy of this letter , and  if it is for   women change the wording, if for men leave it alone

I think this is a mistake.

Best not to try to make our MLC'ers change, they need to decide that on their own.

We can not control that!

[Eatsma]

WOW!!!!!!  I think every MLC should get a copy of this letter , and  if it is for   women change the wording, if for men leave it alone

I think this is a mistake.

Best not to try to make our MLC'ers change, they need to decide that on their own.

We can not control that!

I totally think that you're right, but I also see that this looks like it could be the magic silver bullet to bring back our MLCers.

Sadly - no magic silver bullet exists....

[Slow Fade]

Some of my H's friends from church tried to contact him as one of them had his own affair and he and his wife reconciled..........H wouldn't even return their calls. And these were close, godly friends.

I don't think they will hear it. In my H's case it would just give him ammunition to justify his own actions or prove that I'm the one who is crazy. Even if it was sent anonymously, he would assume that I had something to do with it.

He has to come out of the tunnel of his own volition, thinking that it is his own idea. That's just the way he is. Anything else will send him running.

[in it]

Oh most definitely  they will not LISTEN.

The only comparison I can make with myself being hit by a lightning bolt is attending and alanon meeting in my 30's. Which I was encouraged to go to by a TOTAL STRANGER on the phone no less. I had a great deal of doubt when I walked in there.

 I sat there and just LISTENED that night and everyone's story was just like MINE.

I didn't feel so alone and realized then there's nothing wrong with me..except I was wildly co dependent. 

I tried to set up boundaries with the person I was dealing with and they dumped me as fast as they could and again I had peace from the drama and games.

 I'm working on fixing those co-dependency issues.

[Songanddance]

Totally agree with Old Pilot and Slow Fade.

This is not to put a damper on the letter and the result for Barbie Doll but every situation is unique and, as SF says, the MLCer has to come out of the tunnel of their own accord. They have to find themselves for themselves.
There have been too many cases of false re-connection and hasty reconciliation and that only serves to create more pain for longer.

RCR and OP said something very important to me about writing a text or the MLCer receiving a letter.
RCR said, there are three things your MLCer can do:- a) he can choose not to read it, b) he can also choose to ignore what's in it or c) he can choose to monster to you  about what's in it and then hightail it out of there because he will believe that you have manipulated it.

OP said( and I will be forever grateful to you for this) when I was about to send a text - "What do you really think it will achieve?"

This letter is great in the very simple respect because it tells us what we already are encouraged to understand, that invariably the MLCer has regrets and does come out at the end of the tunnel remorseful for what he has done but that is all it tells us.

[stayed]

Sadly, they don't hear or see anything but what they want to see and hear.  So sad! Good try though Mr. Anonymous! 

Hugs Stayed

[Ready2Transform]

Mine had several former MLCers take him aside and tell him "the grass isn't always greener" - and he TOLD me they did it.  Was still very cocky that he would prove them wrong!  Timing is everything.  I absolutely think he will remember those times (if he hasn't already), but them, therapy, drugs - nothing stopped this thing.  But if you let them go, they'll figure it out (if they're going to).