[Has your MLC'er filed for divorce?]

Has your MLC'er filed for divorce?

No, still living at home.

3 (7.5%)

No, but has threatened (living at home).

4 (10%)

No, but we are separated.

14 (35%)

Yes, paperwork is in process.

11 (27.5%)

We are divorced.

8 (20%)

Total Members Voted: 40

[Still]

Hi All,

With my H's new announcement that we are divorcing, I wanted to get some input on other situations.

[Love being on higher grounds]

Still, mine threatened and threatened for just under a year...then got so angry, or maybe afraid of the whole situation that he filed...

I havent recieved anything but the initial paperwork, but i really dont know what if anything I should be expecting either...I have retained an attorney, but they are so expensive to the tune of 55  bucks for a 15 min phone call, I havent asked either...

hugs to you!
L

[Still]

LNA,

Thanks for your reply. I was talking to a friend earlier. She told me her divorce attorney was $300 an hour. That just boggles my mind.

I pray that it doesn't come to that.....I want to have some knowledge of what I can expect.

[godspromises]

Still, we are seperated. Seperated same day as BD. Has threatened to file many times in the almost 12 months since seperation. I have realized that unless I give her the emotional boost through arguments and confrontation, I don't believe she will file. I think the threats to get me to take the iniative to fix our issues or to try and get me upset like she is every time we talk, which I never call her.

[Courageous wife]

Still

My H filed in Feb.2010...he is just now moving forward with it....

[Butterfly]

My H filed for divorce quickly after BD. It was final less than three months after BD.
He still maintains regular contact even though we are divorced. ( divorced x 4 1/2 months).
Just took some of his personal papers last week and his winter clothes.
I have his checkbooks, extra car keys and all his other belongings.
His mail still comes here.
Confusing as there is  a serious OW in the picture.
He seems to be a little afraid of her, but no sign of his leaving her.
He lives with a male friend from work and I think she lives there too, though she has her own house.
I don't get it.

[Still]

My H filed in Feb.2010...he is just now moving forward with it....

CW,

Are you in a no-fault state? I am in a no-fault state and from what I have read, it will go through in 90 days....unless I contest (which sounds like it is very costly).

I have realized that unless I give her the emotional boost through arguments and confrontation, I don't believe she will file.

godspromises,

For some reason, my moving back to the MBR seemed to cause my H the reason to file. I don't know if he will follow-through or not. This is the first time he has declared it to his friends.

I have his checkbooks, extra car keys and all his other belongings.
His mail still comes here.

Butterfly,

It sure sounds like he didn't complete one life before jumping into another.

[Dontgiveup]

Here's my input.

I have found that the divorce itself has been less traumatic on me than I originally thought it might.  It may be because I am Standing, even post divorce.  My ex-wife's contact with me has been very steady since the divorce.  There is another man, but she has seemingly intentionally kept him away from me.

The advice I received from my counselor and a couple of other sources was to make sure she took care of the divorce itself, knowing that I did not want it, but not to make a fight out of it.  MLC feelings are VERY strong, so what I've done is focused less on the divorce and more on understanding the process of MLC.  It takes much more time to go through the process of MLC than it does to divorce.

I am not making light of divorce, and I have great Hope that my ex-wife and I will remarry one another.  I continue to get consistent touch and goes from her and I believe she is continuing to process her way through MLC.  However, it takes time......and you have no choice but to give them the time they need.

[Still]

I have found that the divorce itself has been less traumatic on me than I originally thought it might.

DGU,

Thank you. That really does help. I have been feeling so overwhelmed. It really helps to get other's perspectives.

[OldPilot]

Still I know this is hard but you really need to look at it, as just a piece of paper.

After all we are all divorced at bomb drop.

We all must rebuild our marriages whether we have the paper work or not.

I must admit that once I started looking at it that way, my wife could not scare me with this tactic anymore.

If she chooses to go though the legal process their will be many other hoops that she will need to jump through to complete the process.

I can assure you(and her) that I will not help her in any way.