[Keepthefaith22]

Absolutely NOT.  There is basically no contact between us and I know he is with OW. 2 of my kids are older 21, and 20.  They can figure out if they want to give him anything.  My 17yr s will not be.  H left last year 2 weeks before Xmas so this is not a time I wish to celebrate with him by giving him anything. 2 days before he walked was his bday. He left some of  bday gifts I gave him here. I won't be acknowledging his birthday this year either.  I feel like he left and that means he left it all,  that's the natural consequence. JMO.

[JD]

The children will be giving something to their Dad.  A gift each.
 I will have a gift in reserve if he chooses to give one to me, along with a box of chocolate. I gift him like I would a brother. 

[Dontgiveup]

My MLCer has not acknowledged any holidays with me since bomb drop.  There have been no gift exchanges, but contact has been consistent the entire three years since bomb drop.

[Slow Fade]

SF,
Keep the X-box if you don't give it to him! They are so much fun! And they have a lot of games for adults that I think you would enjoy. One of the fun ones is the dance game that you now don't even have to hold onto any controller, it just "see's you" and your movements...it's pretty cool!

CSL, we already have one for my s9. I was being generous and going to give this to my h for his man cave so he would have something to do. I guess he's getting that from ow so now I'm not feeling so generous! I bought it before I found out they were back in contact. We do enjoy the one we have. We will see how it goes for the holiday......

[brokenhearted]

No way. He has ackknowleged nothing since he left...has ignored all holidays, birthdays, even a family death. I am sure his wife to be will be in la-la land shoping for her hubby to be (crazy MLC hubby to be!!)   Saving my money for brighter days.

[unbroken]

Okay, just to break the monotony I will provide a different answer.  It is the answer for me.  Each person has to decide for themselves and their situation.

Many people have posted that since their MLCer isn't getting them anything, they won't get him/her anything.  That reveals a lack of detachment, being caught up in what your MLCer will or won't do or how he/she will respond.  Take a step back.  Let that go.

I've been at this for over 5 years.  The only Christmas I didn't get him anything was right after bomb drop when we had agreed to be completely NC to see if that's what we wanted.  Since then I have given him a gift each year.  I expect nothing, and usually receive nothing and it honestly doesn't bother me.  He knows that I love Christmas.  I give for the joy of giving.

We have been essentially NC for the last two years.  I have not acknowledged birthdays or anniversaries, but I have acknowledged Christmas.  The last two years I have struggled with whether or not to send him a card or a gift and both years I have felt guided to give both.  Just when in my anger I planned to give him nothing, the perfect gift appeared and I knew I had to get it for him and the anger melted away.  The gift was for my husband, not my MLCer. 

I will tell you that the Christmas after I filed for divorce, when he was dating someone else, I felt guided to give him a taste of home.  We hadn't spoken in months and I thought we were on the way to being divorced, when I saw the latest novel by one of his favorite authors and it inspired me to send the book (I read it first - LOL) along with a can of coffee and some homemade macaroons.  Just as if he were sitting on the couch with Christmas music playing.  It's something his girlfriend could not give him.  Memories of the good times.

The answer is... forget the advice of others, listen to your heart.  Pray about it.  The answer will come to you.  But whatever you do, don't do it out of anger or expecting a response.  Do it for you.

Someday, they will remember your kindness and they will know they did not deserve it.

[Won'tGiveUp]

Unbroken - very well written. I am planning on giving my h a gift without anything in return. Something small but personal.

[OldPilot]

merged this in with another very similar thread.

[CrazyStupidLove]

Thanks for the merge OP 

I love giving at Christmas time also. I will probably wait until it's less than a week away before I get him anything, and then again I may completely change my mind and do nothing.

During our time together he was never into Christmas anyway. I was the one who made the "magic" happen for our family.
From the time our girls were very little...with my playing Santa and staying up until 3 am, wrapping presents, stuffing stocking and finishing it up to make it perfect....to making an awesome Christmas dinner...to the annual tradition of a movie outing on Christmas day, I did it all. I can still do all that without him so I will carry on the traditions alone.

This year I feel like I'm totally into Christmas and ready to have an awesome holiday. This is the 4th Christmas after BD 2009. That first December  after BD, I wanted nothing to do with anything. I could barely get out of bed much less put together Christmas. I was a mess. But the difference too, was that he was still living at the house...now with him gone...it's much easier. Go figure.

[xyzcf]

The answer is... forget the advice of others, listen to your heart.  Pray about it.  The answer will come to you.  But whatever you do, don't do it out of anger or expecting a response.  Do it for you.

Someday, they will remember your kindness and they will know they did not deserve it.

Thank you Unbroken!

For those of you who read Charlyne Cares on Rejoice Ministries, she recommends acknowledging special days like birthdays, holidays.

The point is....do you want to be RIGHT? or do you want someday to have your marriage back?

Do two wrongs make a right?

If you have children together, for the sake of maintaining a relationship that will occur with your MLCer whether you want it or not....would you not want to help them in this awkward situation by helping them get something for their parent?

Even in war, a truce is often called for on Christmas day.

Most importantly, what would Jesus do?