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Author Topic: Discussion Discernment Counseling

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Discussion Re: Discernment Counseling
#10: August 12, 2014, 04:47:12 PM
Thanks for the explanation/clarification, RCR. For me it still be pretty much the same thing as the other types of couples therapy. It is aimed at marriage and divorce divorce professionals, it deal with a marital issue, divorce is a marital issue, so I really do not see how it is not about marriage therapy.

And isn't therapy about solving problems? At least that is what I call therapy.  I know that some therapy is more about looking inside, how one feels towards a situation, etc. but for me therapy has to have a practical use.

DC does not seem to fit for a stander: WHO IS DISCERNMENT COUNSELING FOR? it’s designed mostly for couples where one partner is leaning out of the marriage and the other wants to stay together and fix the problems.  In discernment counseling you can expect to:
•   gain clarity and confidence about what steps to take next with your marriage
•   develop a deeper understanding of what has happened to your marriage
•   look at “three sides” of your problems: yours, your spouse’s, and that of an objective third party
•   make a good decision about whether to move towards divorce, or make one last try to restore the marriage to health
It is not possible to do any of those things with a MLCer and since it involves decide to divorce or to make a last try to restore the marriage health, I cannot see how it would be for a stander.  They may not be able to deal with a stander because the stander wants the marriage, may not want to divorce, but does not have a partner to give it a last try.
Plus. DC seems much more aimed at divorce and preparing people for divorce than marriage and helping marriages.
But if they go to DC and have already made their mind up there is nothing to be done. In fact they do not take people who already have irrevocably decided to finish the marriage, do they? And people can go and like you said will still say they went and it did not work. Even because DC offers the possibility of decide to end the marriage. So, it will most likely have people who already decide to divorce going knowing that one of the options is to choose to divorce.

I get the see the two people separately and how that will allow for each to express itself better. But it will also allow for lies. Imagine a MLC and LBS going to separate sessions, the versions would be so different that, if I was  DC therapist my advice may be, divorce. And quick, there is nothing to save. With non MLC couples it may work. Or it may not.

I think DCtherapist will deal less with standers. After all DC is not for couples who one parts has already decided irrevocably to divorce and will use therapy to convince the other spouse.  A few MLCers, like your husband, may not be wanting a divorce. At least early on they may not, but most want a divorce and nothing can make them change their mind.

From all I've read in the site, it just looks like another way of making money out of couples.  “Outcomes are framed in terms of three paths: continue with marriage as it has been, separation/divorce, or a six month reconciliation period in couples therapy (and perhaps with other help) with divorce off the table—and then a decision about whether the marriage can be made healthy for “ , Most people will divorce or go to marriage therapy, and the DC therapist has already made their money. Same if the couple stays together.
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