[Anjae]

I'm fine with their concept of pleasure. It cannot all be arguments and darkness. In fact I find it a little difficult to spend 4,5,6, years with someone and not have any pleasure in it.

Like I find it a little strange that someone can wake up by OW side and think who is this stranger. That is what people think on a drunk one night stand, not after 6 years with someone.

However we do know that the effects of the affair and their lifestyle start to show.

OSB, in your husband's case, since there was no OW, I think he is right, no harm, no foul, we all grow. Of course it was very painful for you, but he choose mountains, not another person. So for him I think it makes sense he sees it the way he does.

I must be a terrible person, I never feel guity because I've eaten chocolate (or pizza, or cake, or pasta). Then again I still have two or three chocolates from Christmas left. 

[osb]

Ah, but I've never said there was no OW....     just don't talk about 'em.

Don't think any of us have it easier or harder. Just different for each of us.

[Anjae]

Sorry, I thought there hasn't been one. That Mr osb had chose the mountains. Some, rare MLCers do not have OW. Or have but she does not last long. Other attach to OW like there is no tomorrow. Phew. One way or another, phew, nuts.

[serenity]

Hi,

I just wanted to join in as I've been reading along and wanted to add a couple of things.

As most of you know I've been at this just over four years. During the last year where my H stayed with me most w/e's he talked a lot about the emptiness within him and how awful he felt inside and that nothing he tried took the dreadful feeling away. He would just say to me that I had no idea what that was like! The other thing he said was that he realised that the live he's living is a fantasy and that the only real things are me and our children! None of this stops him of his crisis but shows he is at times aware of the situation!

I am at this present time now NC with him but one of my sons told me recently that my H keeps trying new things and thinks that this time he has found happiness. My son said this usually lasts for a week!!

I've noticed my H replay seems more manic from what others have told me so that says to me that whatever he's trying is not working so therefore he's trying even harder to find that ellusive happiness! Why does it take them so long to realise that happiness comes from within?!?

I hope this information helps some of you to see how our MLCer really feels!

X

[trusting]

Serenity, I have heard the same things fom my MLCer - that he feels empty, that he is trying to fill a void, that "nothing" is working.  So he keeps doing the same things over and over again.    I see him continually buy new clothes. Still.  I guess the thrill of wearing that  new shirt only lasts a time or two and then another one is needed.   

I sit back from my vantage point in the land of the sane and just shake my head. It really is very sad.  I wonder if he will ever figure it out - he is now about to enter his seventh year of overt crisis. What a waste.

[31andcounting]

Attaching
31

[serenity]

Oh trusting,

Like you said all so sad and such a waste!

I'm on a similar timeline to you. It's so hard to ever see how they will find their way through this!

Hugs

X

[a]

Hi All

Happiness comes from within - i always wondered how do you get to that state.  I know its about how you choose to see things but really until you have experienced a life altering circumstance be it MLC or an illness of loss of a child - it is very difficult not to be overcome by grief, pain, sorrow and fear.  While out there i think this passage from Deepak Chopra best describes "happiness comes from within" - its not as easy as we think to find that inner happiness.

__________________________________________________________________


Let our life be a like river that flows easily between the banks of pleasure and pain, never getting stuck on either side. That’s not the problem.  The problem occurs when we cling to the banks, either the positive one or the negative one.  When we quietly reconcile ourselves to all the contradictions that life offers, when we can comfortably flow between the banks of pleasure and pain, experiencing them both while getting stuck in neither, then we have achieved freedom.

Joy and sorrow, happiness and suffering are the play of opposites; they are transient because they are time-bound. Spirit, the essential you, is independent of the play of opposites; it dwells in the silent bliss of the eternal. And when you know yourself as this field of pure consciousness, then you are living from the source, which is bliss.

That’s why the key to lasting happiness is to stop looking for it, and to know that you already have it.  If you look for happiness you will never find it.  If you think it’s around the corner, then you will keep turning corners.  The real key to happiness is t live and play in the field of intelligence that is beyond positive and negative.  That field is your source, and it is magical, holy, joyful and free ~ Deepak Chopra


take care
moment

[Pixiegirl]

Hi Moment,
I just want to say I absolutely love your post on happiness.

So very true. I only wish my H would finally "get it". I am also beginning to believe that depression plays such a huge part in all of this.

Thinking back on the loss of my son I do remember feeling much like my H feels. I didn't run but I sure felt like it a lot of the time. And I did search for happiness outside myself. I  remember when I started having feelings again but when I did try to connect with H again he pushed me away. And that's when his MLC started.

Your post really hit home for me. Thank you

[a]

Dear PixieGirl

You are welcome - i am so very sorry for your loss.

(((hugs)))
moment