[MarkedandHealed]

I wanted to talk about methods people use to help them cope with the craziness. Methods of helping detach, take care of yourself and your positive mental attitude (PMA), deal with depression, etc.

It could be as simple as going for a walk, taking herbs or ADs, making time for a bath or lifting weights...

I want to share a method I use called EFT, or Emotional Freedom Technique. I learned it through a website I frequent called www.mercola.com - it's an alternative medical website run by a DO Dr. Mercola.

Basically EFT is accupressure combined with emotional release. When I first read it, I thought "yeah, right." About a year later, I was dealing with my stepson who had major anger issues and we decided to give it a try. We found a local practitioner and in ONE SESSION, he was able to let go of the anger he had at his stepfather for physically and emotionally abusing him. It works, that's all I can say.

You can find a ton of how to tutorials on youtube... here's one example. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN3FUX593sE

I have used it to help me detach from H's MLC, get over being afraid of public speaking, cravings for foods, and depression.

I admit, it's strange looking but it takes minutes to learn and work, give it a try today. What do you have to lose?

PS for those of you afraid of new age-type stuff, this woman that I selected was just first in the line... she does seem to have a new age slant of "get your money handed to you from the universe" but the message is still good and the EFT does work, I promise you. Ignore the new age stuff and just use the technique.

[Rollercoasterider]

Acupressure is a form of acupuncture--without the puncture--and acupuncture is medically accepted treatment; in my state it it the law that insurance covers at least 8 treatments per year. I am in acupuncture treatment for female issues and go evey other week--actually it was weekly until after today's session.

I also receive Catupuncture daily from a lovely Siamese called Chamomile, but that is something different!

For me meditation was a major part of my Self-Focus. I was out of work a bit and thus had the freedom to dedicate a lot of time--wish I had it now. I studied Reiki and Hypnotherapy and combined them with meditation. It was blissfully peaceful when I was in flow and helped bring clarity. I attended classes and group practices too.

I also focused on art projects with spiritual significance.

[Trustandlove]

For me it was -- is, actually -- Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.  The idea that understanding something can help dissipate the anger and resentment seems to work for me.

I tried seeing a therapist or two for this, but didn't find one that clicked, not to mention the expense, and finally looked at all the books and settled on David Burns "Feeling Good" (I mentioned this in what I wrote about communication techniques as well....), and I actually sat down and did the exercises, in writing, the way they recommend.  Many I did over and over and over again, as sit seems to be the type of thing that if you put in the work, you get the results. 

It definitely isn't a quick fix, but they say it's lasting, and in my case it seems to be. 

[MarkedandHealed]

RCR - I miss catupuncture, but my dog would eat one alive... plus we live on a busy road, and I don't want cat pizza. Oh well... anyway, while meditating, did you get any ah-ha moments? Would you share your method of meditating with us? I want to learn but there are many ways to meditate and I'm curious.

T&L - I saw your recommendation in another post and have it on my list of "to buy" books. Thanks for sharing.

[MarkedandHealed]

Hey all! As promised on my personal thread, I'm starting what I'm calling my accountability thread.
I'm hoping some of you join me, but if not, at least this will be a good place to get ideas.
I'm going to post my goals and my GAL activities, along with solutions I'm trying to various problems I encounter. This is my thread for helping everyone remain accountable.

Remember, goals are specific, attainable in a short amount of time, and action oriented.

My goals that I've checked off:
Began working out at the gym
Got a haircut
Tanning

New goals and the things I'm doing to get there:
Lose 40 pounds - started taking 5HTP to help with cravings and emotional eating, fasting today to begin on a clean slate
Stop eating sugary junk foods (stop carb addiction) (see above)
Make new friends (joined a bunch of meetup groups that look interesting)
Paint and play guitar again (bought canvas)
Go on a solo hike (will start to plan this week)
Begin meditating nightly (began two nights ago, but so sleepy that I fall asleep and then don't sleep well)

And my GAL activities are that I've joined some meetup groups and am considering if I want to go on any of the activity days. One adventure group has a good day coming up. It will be hard. I also joined a church and am planning on going to their monthly fellowship lunch the first Sunday of the month, hoping to meet people there.

[MarkedandHealed]

So, this weekend I am going hiking with DSD, maybe biking or to the ocean, and white water rafting with the adventure group I found on meetup.com IF I can get a spot still.

That's my GAL list for this long weekend.

[MarkedandHealed]

I have to say, it's hard sometimes. I know in my heart that my H will be back. A few months ago, I read how LBS's would just find that they were "done" and move on, and the MLCer would want to come back. And I would think, why, how, what would make them give up?

I'm just there now though. I can see why they would move on, how they would give up. Not that I am, I'm standing strong... but I totally understand.

I have felt and read this sentiment many times recently on this board and I haven't even gotten through all the threads yet. It seems to be pervasive that many are getting fed up, running out of steam.

So, I thought I'd start this as a discussion. Throw out what you're feeling about your H's (W's) - are you fed up, could you just walk away right now? What is making you stay? How are you finding strength to hold on? Or are you?

I look at him now with disgust and I feel sorry for him, but sort of like a bug that's gotten a broken wing, I could step on him or move him to the shade and give him some water. Either way would suit me just fine.

[Buggy31]

Lately I'm feeling like I just want him to go away, live his life, find his happiness and leave me alone.  I truly love life, even through all this there is so much to love and appreciate.  There is still joy.  However, he throws that off for me at times and I don't like how his energy affects me.  Learning how to detach is an important lesson but it is very hard with required contact.  I don't know if I'd be in this position without my children.  Somedays I am standing for their father, somedays I'm standing for the person I knew, somedays I'm standing for the person he "could" one day be and somedays I don't feel like doing this anymore.  I want to be done with it.  I feel tired.  Yet there is a part of me that aches for the pain he must feel to do this to himself.  I guess I stand because I believe its his best chance at healing and I am discovering that in this process I am healing too.  IT is not easy.

[trusting]

I alternate between being fed up and feeling strong and like I can hold on for a lot longer.  For now, I don't plan on giving up.  I am tired of the behaviors, tired of the hurt, frustrated by the length of the process.

BUT I am fortunate enough to see a lot of my "old" H shining through these days and I have for some reason been having lots of really good memory "flashbacks" that remind me of how things were and how HE was before the MLC and that keeps me going. 

[LettingGo]

I'll sum it up for me.... Rome wasn't built in a day.