[Rollercoasterider]

Sometimes, my biggest difficulty in using affirmations is the doubt clouding it. In order to get over a hump, I phrase the affirmation, "I am in the process of..."

Do that if it works for you, but the problem with it is that according to the way affirmations work, you are continuing to be in process rather than be at the goal. That is why affirmations are stated in the present tense as though you are there.

Maybe there are some processes that are the goals though.
Suppose you want to go back to school but you have a list of things to check off first. Maybe you would be in the process of getting back to school, but you are writing your entrance essay and you are getting your letters of recommendation and you are saving your money for tuition. Then you are chunk-sizing the goal and choosing present tense affirmations that lead to the goal. Once you have completed the goals, your affirmations will change.

[ForeverHopefulOne]

Love this, M&H!  I use affirmations every day.  It was difficult at first, because I didn't really believe them; but, I kept going with them, and now I believe them.

I told my sister to start doing them as she has horribly low self esteem when it comes to her looks.  I told her to start with, "gee, I sure am cute" as she looks in the mirror.  She couldn't do it!  It isn't necessarily about believing what you say at first, it's about getting yourself to believe it eventually.  For her, anyway.  A fake it till you make it kind of thing.

Affirmations work!

[MarkedandHealed]

I think that's a very good point, LGO. However... LOL, I started my reply, went to church and when I came home, RCR had answered. Exactly, ditto, etc.

You never want to say things like "I'm losing weight" because you will always be in the process of losing weight. I say "I'm naturally lean, fit and healthy." I actually am, you just can't see it because I have my winter weight on - ha ha. As my husband says, he has a six pack, he's just keeping it in the cooler. LOL.

An affirmation should not necessarily be something you agree with. It's something you want to attain. It shouldn't be outrageous. A Nordic woman can't affirm that her skin is bronze like a Brazilian and expect it to happen without a little spray-on action. A fat woman (me) CAN affirm that they are thin (me) - because it is only a matter of time before I reach that goal... Some of my favorites surround being joyful, cheerful, happy, etc. Those are easy feelings to feel even if you get off on the wrong side of the bed.

I used to say "money comes easily and frequently" like in the Secret movie. I then began to find change all over the place. Like crazy. Not what I meant. Ha ha.

I really think it's important first to have a goal. Not having a clear cut goal in mind is not good enough. For you to have a focused and fine tuned affirmation, you need a clear cut, attainable goal, usually with a timeline. Otherwise you'll be stuck finding loose change all over parking lots for the rest of your life.

FYI - I'm really digging the Inside Out Weight Loss podcast from the itunes store. It's free, and full of NLP, positive affirmations, guided meditations, etc. I'm finding it very easy to lose weight now. I mean, take off my winter coat.

[LifeGoesOn]

I totally agree. I use the "in the process of"  to remove my doubt. It helps me bridge into a full affirmation, while I watch for evidence.

[Still]

Bumping this up!

[ForeverHopefulOne]

Good timing for this bump-up!  I think a lot of us are becoming fed up and angry about our situations.  I am, for sure.  I am digging deep to find strength, and my S has a lot to do with that.  Even if I feel anger towards my H right now, I know that won't last; but, my feelings of not wanting my S to be from a broken home are strong.  I am holding on to that until the anger passes.

[Still]

Sometimes I find it helpful to read older threads.

Just bumping this one up!

[Glimmer]

I too am standing because I don't want my kids to come from a broken home.  H had a previous M when he was 18. It lasted around 4 years. He has a S27, that through no fault of his own he hasn't seen since he was 10. He now lives in New Zealand so the chances of him ever seeing him again are remote.
Very occasionally when I look into his eyes, I can see my old H is still in there. I know if this were really him, he wouldn't be putting everyone through this. So I stand, in the hope that one day soon he may find his way out. 

[Mermaid]

Looking back at what I wrote 2 months ago, nothing has changed much in my feelings, except that I feel more tired, more fed up, and wondering whether H will ever realise what he doesn't want to see. I wonder whether he really is this egocentric person I see before me, and whether I have been fooling myself all along.

I don't want my children to lose their father, but their home is already "broken" now by H living by himself.

I don't want to stop hoping that he will emerge from the ashes as a newer, kinder man.

But sometimes I wonder: Is there a man worth standing for, or have I been seeing my own projections?

[Rollercoasterider]

Mermaid,

Is there a man worth standing for, or have I been seeing my own projections?

Must it be either/or? In the early phases of our relationships with our spouses we projected onto each other--anima-animus. Those projections may continue for years. Now is the chance to dissolve those projections. Also consider that though you have projected, it does not mean your spouse did not possess those qualities or that they do not still posses them within what they have buried.

I wonder, can we exist without projection?