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Currently in the US the NFL is under some scrutiny due to Domestic Violence incidents of some of it's players - what we allow will continue. BREAK THE SILENCE.

More tommorrow..I'm trying to do this from my phone   

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I know there is more than just me who have had to learn the hard way that you cannot help someone else who is not willing to address their own issues when it comes to this subject. IMHO the first step is recognizing behavior that may lead to a Domestic Violence incident.

Found online:

Abusers use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power:

Dominance – Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his or her possession.

Humiliation – An abuser will do everything he or she can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.

Isolation – In order to increase your dependence on him or her, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He or she may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.

Threats – Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He or she may also threaten to commit
suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.

Intimidation – Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.

Denial and blame – Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He or she will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his or her violent and abusive behavior is your fault.

[Anjae]

For me things were a litle different because Mr J only become an abuser when MLC hit. The threads come when he had become involved with OW1, and later when he had already left but was still going to the house. The physical abuse was only there for a month or so before he left and then after he left on ocassions he was in the house. 

Before MLC we were equal partners in the relationship and the relationship was normal. I have no idea who is this MLC crazy man.

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I'm so sorry to.hear that Anjae.

I tolerated it because I felt I was doing something wrong.If I could just do it right he wouldn't get so angry I somehow didn't love him enough.Sometime's I did do things that weren't good but there were reasons for that also.Regardless no one deserves this kind of treatment.Just leave! Why hurt someone else because you cannot control yourself.

Did you ever call the police Anjae?

Anyone reading this: Its whoever calls the police first is who runs the show in my part of NYS in the US.

[Anjae]

No, I did not call the police. Now I know I should had, but it was over 8 years ago or 8 years ago and I was so surprised with the whole thing. I truly thought it was not going to be repeated. Little did I knew. And, of course, I did not knew it was MLC. Then I moved back home both because it was no longer save and I got a job here (that is long gone).

Mr J cannot touch me here. He cannot even get close to me. I live with my family. He does not dare to come here.

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I'm dealing with a huge coward and live about a mile away from him..he knows I'm serious and I feel pretty secure he won't test me.

I was badly advised by a lawyer after all of this happened.Anyone can fill out an incident report It doesn't mean you can have them arrested. But at least you have documentation if it happens again
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I'm happy you are safe Anjae .MLC or not there is no excuse for someone to put their hands on another person in anger.

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One of the biggest mistakes I make during the relationship is I mistook controlling behavior as caring. In childhood I was somewhat neglected .how I ened up the tatget of Domestic Violence was through bring a witness of it participating in it due to defending my mother from it (stepfathers ) then making excuses for it in this last relationship.

I was not afraid of him that's how it escalated.I didn't think that day there was any need to take anyone with me.I was leaving. I have read that's the most dangerous time in the relationship.You are giving them what they want but due to loss of control of the situation apparently they feel a need to try to take control physically.

 Once it goes this far? I simply cannot have anything to do with him.I never really saw it as having self worth issues. I knew there was something wrong with him. I just couldn't figure out what it was until I got perspective did some research and identified it.

A narccisist in a MLC is nothing to deal with.

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Many people believe that domestic violence is a private matter, to be dealt with behind closed doors.

But the truth is that domestic violence is a crime which affects the whole of society. We all have a role to play in ending it.

Why help? Because domestic violence affects you too.
You might think that domestic violence is nothing to do with you. You may be in a loving, healthy relationship with a partner who respects you. This doesn't mean that you aren't affected by domestic violence.

Domestic violence costs the tax payer £16 billion every year, in medical, legal and housing costs.

1 in 4 women will experience abuse at some point in their lives - which means that women in your life could be at risk.

Why help? Because you can make a difference.

It can be difficult to watch a friend or loved one being hurt by their partner. You may feel powerless and unable to help. You may not be able to fix the problem or rescue your friend, but you can still make a difference.

Only 16% of domestic violence is reported to the police, which means that most victims suffer in silence. By reaching out to a friend, you can help break her isolation.

Women who experience abuse often feel ashamed, confused and alone. They need their friends more than ever.
Abused women often do not realize that what they are experiencing is domestic violence. You can help your friend to recognize the signs and take steps to stay safe.

Why help? Because we all have a responsibility to speak out.
Domestic violence is a crime. It should be treated with the same severity as any other violent crime. It should not be ignored.
Domestic violence is protected by people's silence. If we do not speak out against it, we become part of the problem.

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Domestic violence rates are higher for homosexual couples than for heterosexual couples
From the left-leaning Atlantic Monthly. (H/T ECM)

Excerpt:

Data on the rates of same-sex partner abuse have only become available in recent years. Even today, many of the statistics and materials on domestic violence put out by organizations like the Center for Disease Control and the Department of Justice still focus exclusively on heterosexual relationships, and specifically heterosexual women. While the CDC does provide some resources on its website for the LGBT population, the vast majority of the information is targeted at women.  Materials provided by the CDC for violence prevention and survivor empowerment prominently feature women in their statistics and photographs.

In 2013, the CDC released the results of a 2010 study on victimization by sexual orientation, and admitted that “little is known about the national prevalence of intimate partner violence, sexual violence, and stalking among lesbian, gay, and bisexual women and men in the United States.” The report found that bisexual women had an overwhelming prevalence of violent partners in their lives: 75 percent had been with a violent partner, as opposed to 46 percent of lesbian women and 43 percent of straight women. For bisexual men, that number was 47 percent. For gay men, it was 40 percent, and 21 percent for straight men.

The most recent statistics available on same-sex intimate partner violence from the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, which focuses on LGBT relationships, reported 21 incidents of intimate partner homicides in the LGBT community, the highest ever. Nearly half of them were gay men and, for the second year in a row, the majority of survivors were people of color—62 percent.

In 2012, NCAVP programs around the country received 2,679 reports of intimate partner violence, a decrease of around 32 percent from 2011. However the report noted that many of the NCAVP’s member organizations were operating at decreased capacity due to limiting the number of cases they were able to take. The report said that excluding data from organizations, there was actually a 29 percent increase in reports of violence from 2011 to 2012.

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Found online

Impact of Domestic Violence on Children

A growing body of literature shows that children who have been exposed to domestic violence are more likely than their peers to experience a wide range of difficulties. These difficulties fall into three main categories:

Behavioral, social, and emotional problems. Children in families experiencing domestic violence are more likely than other children to exhibit aggressive and antisocial behavior or to be depressed and anxious (Brown & Bzostek, 2003). Other researchers have found higher levels of anger, hostility, oppositional behavior, and disobedience; fear and withdrawal; poor peer, sibling, and social relationships; and low self-esteem.
Cognitive and attitudinal problems. Children exposed to domestic violence are more likely to experience difficulties in school and score lower on assessments of verbal, motor, and cognitive skills. Slower cognitive development, lack of conflict resolution skills, limited problem solving skills, pro-violence attitudes, and belief in rigid gender stereotypes and male privilege are other issues identified in the research (Brown & Bzostek, 2003; Edleson, 2006).
Long-term problems. Research indicates that males exposed to domestic violence as children are more likely to engage in domestic violence as adults; similarly, females are more likely to be victims (Brown & Bzostek, 2003). Higher levels of adult depression and trauma symptoms also have been found (Silvern et al., 1995). Exposure to domestic violence is also one of several adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) that have been shown to contribute to premature death, as well as risk factors for many of the most common causes of death in the United States. (For more information, visit the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study website: www.acestudy.orgexternal link)
Despite these sobering findings, not all children exposed to domestic violence will experience such negative effects. Children's risk levels and reactions to domestic violence exist on a continuum; some children demonstrate enormous resiliency, while others show signs of significant maladaptive adjustment. Protective factors such as social competence, intelligence, high self-esteem, outgoing temperament, strong sibling and peer relationships, and a supportive relationship with an adult (especially a nonabusive parent) can help protect children from the adverse effects of exposure to domestic violence (Edleson, 2004; Hughes, Graham-Bermann, & Gruber, 2001; Carlson, 2000).

Additional factors that influence the impact of domestic violence on children include:

Nature of the violence. Children who witness frequent and severe forms of violence or fail to observe their caretakers resolving conflict may undergo more distress than children who witness fewer incidences of physical violence and experience positive interactions between their caregivers.
Age of the child. Younger children appear to exhibit higher levels of emotional and psychological distress than older children. Age-related differences might result from older children's more fully developed cognitive abilities to understand the violence and select various coping strategies to alleviate upsetting symptoms.
Elapsed time since exposure. Children often have heightened levels of anxiety and fear immediately after a violent event. Fewer observable effects are seen in children as time passes after the violent event.
Gender. In general, boys exhibit more externalized behaviors (e.g., aggression and acting out) while girls exhibit more internalized behaviors (e.g., withdrawal and depression).
Presence of child physical or sexual abuse. Children who witness domestic violence and are physically abused are at higher risk for emotional and psychological maladjustment than children who witness violence and are not abused (Rosewater & Goodmark, 2007; Edleson, 2004).
Comprehensive assessment regarding children's experiences and trauma symptoms, as well as the protective factors present, should inform decision-making regarding the types of services and interventions needed for individual children and families living with violence.