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Author Topic: Mirror-Work Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD

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Mirror-Work Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#80: April 25, 2018, 09:50:35 AM
Thank you, in it. The verbal is what gets me the most. That is why I have refrained from answering his texts. His parents are very supportive and she called me the other day when he went off on a rant with me. He texted her and told her what a sorry, loveless, selfish b!tc# I was. I admit that it hurts but I have to realize it is him and not.

Quote
The BEST thing you can do is let the OW bear the brunt of his anger. These two deserve each other and you deserve some peace.
Exactly.
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Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
Divorced 4/10/2018
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing although divorced
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Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#81: April 25, 2018, 12:30:20 PM
Projection at it's finest. I'm sorry his reference to you hurt you.

Yes don't answer his texts you probably have enough right now to have him addressed by the authorities for harassment. You gotta figure out what scares the living hell out of them and do that. Protect yourself and your D as much as you can.

If you ever reconnect there will be time for "I'm sorrys" later. But IMHO? Once they go physical on you, you really need to have nothing to do with them. No I'm sorrys etc make up for this.

I'm pretty sure I was dealing with an NPD with a MLC. It was brutal let me tell you. :P

In order for him to hurt you you have to value his opinion of you to begin with and at this point you might want to think about detaching.
Is it easy? Nope but once you do it and allow more positive things into your life things will change for you. And it's worth it.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#82: April 28, 2018, 11:31:43 AM
Kanvan,

My h is a master at projection. I use to let him vent because I was feeling sorry for him and learned a lot about what was going on in his head. After awhile it was happening more often and I had enough. He use to go on a rant once every couple of weeks and still is trying. I sent all of the messages to my attorney and he got it to stop for awhile but then he started up again. I was told by my attorney to send a text to me h stating “ I am telling you only once, you are only to contact me about pick up and drop off times for the children. Everything else goes through the attorneys”. That is similar to what in it said about staying away. What has worked the best is when I blocked the ex for a couple of hours. He started a rant and I just blocked him.  He was still trying to contact me 2 hours later. He stopped being so mean for awhile and then he did it again. So I blocked him again this time for longer. It bothered him a lot that he couldn’t get in touch with me. It’s actually been over a month since I have had to block him again. Out of everything I have tried including my attorney threatening  harassment orders and everything, blocking him scared him the most. He couldn’t stand not being able to talk to me.
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M 40
H 41
He moved out May 21,2017
Ow 41( his 1st cousin) moved her in May 23, 2017, she went back to her husband Oct 2017
Ow moved back with her 2 kids Jan 1 2018 even with courts cutting his visitation with his kids because of it
Ow moved out again Dec 2019 and is back with her husband Jan 2020
T-19 yr M-14 yrs
S14 & D88
BD  February 12 2017 & April 22 2017 (signs of MLC since 2015)
I filed for divorce June 2 2017 for protection- final hearing on our 20th anniversary (July 11,2018) divorce was final August 9, 2018

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8791.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8948.0
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9189.0
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10052.150
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Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#83: April 28, 2018, 12:19:36 PM
OneHotMess, I may have to do the blocking because mine sounds a lot like yours in the area of not being able to talk to me. Oh, and the letting him vent because you was feeling sorry for him, I am guilty of that as well. He once texted and told me that he could not survive if I never talked to him or he never got to see me again. So,I do think your idea would definitely work for mine. Thank you for your advice and support. I appreciate you.
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Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

You'll search for me inside of everyone you're with and I won't be found." R.H. Sin.

M-48
H-46
S27,S21, S16
Married 12/10/1994
Divorced 4/10/2018
23 years of marriage
BD- June 22, 2017 Moved in with OW-June 24th, 2017
Standing although divorced
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Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#84: April 28, 2018, 01:49:48 PM
Good move OneHotMess 8).

You do you really do with these types have to scare the crap right out of them.  In the meantime they'll find someone else to abuse and rant at. You do not have to listen to the horrible things they say. You can not feel sorry for them. Save yourself from any more emotional damage.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#85: May 31, 2018, 02:00:10 PM
bump
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#86: May 31, 2018, 02:21:54 PM
Quote from: in it on May 31, 2018, 02:00:10 PM
bump
Why do I feel like this bump was for me?  ;D
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Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#87: May 31, 2018, 02:33:17 PM
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

 For you?? Nah... ;) ;D ;D ;D...Just a subtle hint

Educate yourself. Keep yourself safe.
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 12171
  • Gender: Female
Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#88: August 21, 2018, 05:09:46 PM
Bump
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
  • *****
  • Hero Member
  • Posts: 12171
  • Gender: Female
Re: Domestic Violence is a deal breaker PERIOD
#89: September 15, 2018, 05:33:23 AM
Bump
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
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