[Jackolar12]

Hi does anyone have information on female Mlcer return stories please.

[Dji76]

I was going To start a thread ad asking the same question. I've searched high and low and havent found 1 story of a woman returning. Very discouraging. Hopefully one of us can post that story some day! Keep your head up.

[Split open and melt]

One of the first things my independant councilor told me when I sat down in his office and told him I want to win my wife back was..."Split, I hate to tell you this but in my 50 years of counciling, I've seen very few cases where the wife wanted out and changed her mind. The women tend to be the 'keepers' of the relationship...and when they let go it's usually for good. You need to start preparing yourself for that reality."

Well my heart pretty much sank when I heard that. I wanted to deny it, believe that I could be one of the rare cases of men who wins his walk away wife back. But as soon as I started to accept the inevitable that he was trying to prepare me for, the healing started to begin.

Now that she's gone I focus on maintaining a healthy co-parenting relationship with my MLCer, which has it's own challenges. I've stopped worrying if I will ever win her back. I still love her, but ultimately I don't care if she ever wants me back, and honestly I don't know if I'd be happier going back to her even though my kids would love it. I've realized that putting up with a woman who doesn't accept you for the man you are is a miserable unhappy existence. Living under her constant scrutiny led to my unhappiness within the marriage, which in turn led to the choices I made that ultimately sealed our fate. I made some mistakes, I made them out of living in an unhappy and unhealthy way, I was unhappy because she was unhappy with me and the relationship wasn't whole, she was unhappy because I was unhappy. It was a vicious circle of unhappiness veiled in a cloak of pretending...to save face in front of our families, friends and kids. And I want more out of a life partner and so does she.

She wants to be friends...hang out with the kids as a 'family' but it can't happen. Probly not for a long time if ever, which sucks for my little girls, but the pain of her betrayal...being kicked out of my home, replaced with another man in a matter of weeks after BD. It's to much, no...she is not my friend. And why would I ever want someone back in my life who could so easily do that to me?

I have tons of respect for the Standers. I tried for a bit, had high and noble hopes. But now I am on to better things. I wish everyone the best in their own journey.

[OldPilot]

Here is one

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1756.msg255371#msg255371

[kikki]

A friend of mine has neighbours who got back together after about four or five years apart.  The wife was the one who abandoned the relationship.
She wants to remarry, but her exH is not yet sure.
But they have been back together for a few years now.

[Dontgiveup]

Split Open and Melt

Of course there are female MLCers who return.

I'm not familiar with your story, but reading what you wrote above describes a troubled marriage more than it describes MLC.

[Dji76]

My wife and I see counselors in the same practice. We both signed waivers allowing them to work together without telling either of us specific details. My counselor has told me I should continue to fight for my marriage based on what they have heard from my wife. Counselor has told me that she has seen people recover from "I love u but" and other statements my wife has made.

I feel this type of counseling is a great alternative to traditional marriage counseling. I don't believe sitting in a room for an hour with a MLC spouse trying to "work it out" would be at all productive, probably just the opposite. My point is, it's not over till it's over! I know the odds are against us men, but one of us is going to succeed. You have to believe that if you are going to take a stand!

[Jackolar12]

Thanks to everyone who responded to my post on female MLCERS return stories,old pilot how do I make this thread sustainable please.

[Split open and melt]

Split Open and Melt

Of course there are female MLCers who return.

I'm not familiar with your story, but reading what you wrote above describes a troubled marriage more than it describes MLC.

Right, sorry I wasn't saying they don't return. I kind of launched into a bit of a rant there, my apologies.

I believe my XW began her trip into the tunnel several years before BD. I also believe I myself experienced my own symptoms of MCL before that....and the marriage was troubled as a result of us not working well together to try and fix things.

Sorry if my post seemed like I was trying to persuade anyone to believe anything. I was just bringing my experience.

[honour]

Hi does anyone have information on female Mlcer return stories please.

Female return stories are rare. A contributing factor is perhaps, as RCR puts it, "so many women take the scorched earth Monster-b!tc# route."