[Jackolar12]

Hi everyone,
Has anyone experience of the long term effects of divorce, where the Mlcer is a total vanisher?.

[honour]

Hi everyone,
Has anyone experience of the long term effects of divorce, where the Mlcer is a total vanisher?.

The long term effects of divorce for me have been independence.

I have had zero contact in four years.

It took a while to get back on my feet. The first two years were the worst.

I found the MLC theory to be of help to me for the first two years; it helped cushion the blow. Some traumas are too much to face head on. To be free of the pain I had to truly let go. You may have to lift some stones and see what is lurking there. Examine your life and marriage in light of what you now know.

If your question is referring to the long term effects on the vanisher then my answer is, I don't know. I don't know what my exwife's life or state of mind is like. The children don't know either as they don't have contact with their mother.

[Jackolar12]

Hi Honour, thank you for the reply. I have had no contact for almost three years, my son and eldest daughter have moved out and I see them perhaps half a dozen times a year( mostly my son ). My youngest daughter I haven't seen in two years and when I did she used to carry painfully messages from her mother. she lives with her mum  but in separate rooms from her mum and boyfriend of two years ( alienator 2).
Financially this has been devastating for me , we were on track for life and now it's start over again time.
I would like to hear from others on the forum who survived their spouses tornado of devastation and emotional abuse. Particularly those Mlcers who are cowardly and use their children to cover their affairs like she did with my daughters and how they reconnected and got their children to see the truth.
Kind regards
Jackolar

[honour]

Financially this has been devastating for me , we were on track for life and now it's start over again time.

I know that feeling, Jackolar. I am slowly recovering financially. The economic recession didn't help. But if you can survive a divorce and a recession and stay in business I'm not sure life can throw anything much worse at you. You can do it Jackolar, if you built financial security once, you can do it again.

[OldPilot]

Financially this has been devastating for me , we were on track for life and now it's start over again time.

I know that feeling, Jackolar. I am slowly recovering financially. The economic recession didn't help. But if you can survive a divorce and a recession and stay in business I'm not sure life can throw anything much worse at you. You can do it Jackolar, if you built financial security once, you can do it again.

Here is the funny thing, my ex divorced me over money.

Kind of a self fulfilling prophesy because spending lots of money on divorce didnt help anything.

However, just like honour I am slowly climbing out of the pit as far as my finances go.

I know that I will be fine.

You can be too!

[Jackolar12]

Thank you Old Pilot, my ex had money on the brain but wasn't reasonable in the divorce at all. We both burned over £70,000 in divorce costs alone. Now apart from the marital home everything is split, she's burning money on replay holidays, designer clothes etc and I wonder when she runs short will I start to hear from her again. Like you I'm still crawling out of the pit financially and hope given time I will make it again.
Kind regards
Jackolar

[Thunder]

Jackolar,

My mortgage advisor told me one of the main reasons for going into poverty is divorce.  He said you just cant take 2 incomes and split them in half and both come out good.

We were very comfortable, financially, until we divorced.  We both struggled, our credit score was ruined and he almost lost the house.
Credit score is getting up there again and I'm finally seeing improvements in my situation but it took a few years.

Lawyers are expensive!!  But once their paid off you can rebuild.
I have a feeling your sitch will get better, hers will go under.  But that's a consequence she will have to live with.
Not your problem.  Just take care of YOU.

[terrified_in_TN]

  You guys are scaring the CRAP out of me.  I recently filed, and looks like we are headed for a NASTY custody battle/divorce.  How much does it cost???  This is my first marriage, so I have NOT a clue.

  Its so sad, me and my wife both have over 800 credit scores...To think they are about to be tanked, ruining years of hard work is so depressing.

  On the good side of things, the only debts I have is my mortgage, and car payment on the car that SHE is driving.  She is racking up the credit card balance like a drunken sailor.  Her credit card, not mine.  And in the divorce paperwork it states I payed off all her revolving debts prior to her departure.  What a nice guy I am...NOT...I am an idiot.

-Terrified

[MeNow]

Hi TN,

If you use a lawyer and it goes to court, it could get quite expensive.

In my case, I represented myself as I couldn't afford one. Didn't cost me hardly anything.
M W wasn't really after money. I let her lawyer draft up the decree and I voiced what changes I wanted until I could live with it. I read as much as I could online or asked people I knew for advice.

W tried to take me to court again later regarding custody and I represented myself again. After a few appearances, on the actual day, W and her lawyer didn't even show up.

If you can get a fair deal and get it in writing between you without going to court, it would save you money. 

[Thunder]

terrified,

As long as you don't have a lot of debt, you should be ok.  Most of us weren't that lucky.

Talk to a lawyer and ask them questions.  Most want a retainer down up front.  Mine was $2,000, but I ended up paying a lot more in the end.  Maybe $6,000+.  But my lawyer was great and I ended up with a good settlement.  So it was worth the money...even though I had to beg, borrow and steal money to pay her.
Also remember ever contact you have with your lawyer costs you, even phone calls.  Mine charged me for stamps!!
So get together any questions you have and try to make a visit that is as short as possible but productive.
I went to the library and found books on divorce.  There is a lot of information out there for free. 

Just make sure you know what your rights are.  What you are fairly entitled to.  Don't give in because you feel bad, these MLCers could care less how you will survive.  Sorry, you just need to fight for yourself.

I wish you luck.