[Darth Obo]

Obo,

I'm liking how your D went down, mine was similar (in I did better than her and Yes it can happen for men!  except for the fact that Ex was Monster during mediation and wouldn't budge and even prompted the lawyer mediating us to tell me he thinks she is 'nuts'! lol

..................................

I don't/didn't have to pay her alimony or support in lu of paying for the kids colleges which she has since taken me back to collect child support in stead of me paying for all of college. ( Guess this was a good thing for her as she now collects CS and STILL pays ZERO for our two oldest in college.. )... ( Yes, I am in the process of taken her back to court to 'fix' this).

....................................


I actually stopped her from moving one state away (OM#2 lived there) a couple of years back (would have only been a 20 min difference in commute) but if I gave in to that who the f*uck knows where else she would try and take my kids!

I would like to know Terrified in Tenn, is how are you going to approach the 14 hour commute in court when you get your kids 50% of the time? ( I'm pretty sure the court will grant that even if she is granted physical custody)..

Rookie,

Good to see you got to negotiate some of yours and was spared a full nuke! The tow things i am worried about are the parts I left up there........Her deciding she wants more.....and her remarrying and trying to relocate!

I don't think the more money will happen....she actually knew what she could get and probably would have considering the sleaze bag lawyer she initially talked too....but she even told her she did not want to screw me over and that lawyer persisted so she dropped her!

The kids moving thing, yea, that would be an issue! I'll fight her hand and fist over that one for sure if she tries!

Yikes, you guys are scaring the s$%t out of me too.  I can definitely see why many MLCers never get a second chance.   

Yep.....when you pull a "Nuke/Scorched Earth" policy on the LBS in court, they have every right to be gun shy or flat out say no! They did it once; what's to stop them again!!!


Obo

[terrified_in_TN]

I would like to know Terrified in Tenn, is how are you going to approach the 14 hour commute in court when you get your kids 50% of the time? ( I'm pretty sure the court will grant that even if she is granted physical custody)..

  I honestly do not know how that is going to work.  All I know is I am fighting for primary custody of both my girls.  I envision having them for school, and the w can have them during summer and holidays.

  Again, I am new to this and have a serious uphill battle.  I'll spare the details, but I have virtually no one in my corner that will "go to bat" for me so to speak.  Ironically, I found out back in my W's home town, EVERY ONE of her siblings but ONE is actually on my side because they see first hand her behaviour.

-Terrified

[Jackolar12]

Jackolar,

My mortgage advisor told me one of the main reasons for going into poverty is divorce.  He said you just cant take 2 incomes and split them in half and both come out good.

We were very comfortable, financially, until we divorced.  We both struggled, our credit score was ruined and he almost lost the house.
Credit score is getting up there again and I'm finally seeing improvements in my situation but it took a few years.

Lawyers are expensive!!  But once their paid off you can rebuild.
I have a feeling your sitch will get better, hers will go under.  But that's a consequence she will have to live with.
Not your problem.  Just take care of YOU.

Hi Thunder, I'm slowly getting there I had to buy her out of one of my rental flats, so I had to get a mortgage on it to pay her off and I live there now on my own. I've sold our farm and split it 50/50.
Transferred the business to her and kept assets to the value. She still lives in the marital home with my youngest daughter and her adulterer boyfriend(alienator 2) she took him from a 33year marriage and he's just as screwed up as she is, he's cheated on his former wife in the past and I'm wondering who will be cheating on who first in their new dysfunctional relationship.
I find this site a great help dealing with my pain and confusion.At one early stage I felt suicidal but I am past that now. When I took my vows they were supposed to be for life, I feel she has robbed me and my family of our bright future. I couldn't go to my eldest daughters graduation in August as my daughter said it would be awkward for her mum with me there.
I replied saying I understand she can't face her guilt, the last time I saw her by accident she turned and faced the wall like a naughty child. I didn't speak just drove off and two weeks later had a letter from her solicitor saying I had been harassing her, she had a trumped up injunction on me at the time, which I later appealed against and won when I had recovered enough from my nervous breakdown.
My stitch is improving slowly as I reconnect with the reality of life, and I'm juggling my credit card debts at the momment.
My heart goes out to all of my brothers and sisters on this site,you have become family to me. Your advice and support is what keeps me going in the dark times, bless you all.
Kind regards
Jackolar ( Wales United Kingdom).

[Rookie13]

Terrified, wishing you luck with getting physical custody! One thing in your favor is Judges do not usually like seeing kids get uprooted! If you can also prove the wife abandoned the home (affair) and that you can provided stability to your kids ( get them to school, after school care program etc while you work, not sure how old your kids are..) you may have a better than decent shot as being the primary parent.

Sorry I haven't read your whole sitch yet, but I am guessing she told you she wants the kids living with her and she will fight you in court for them. Also read up in your state about the laws for moving kids out of state as 14 hrs away would seem to me like she is in a different state at this time and no pun intended! 

[Darth Obo]

Terrified, wishing you luck with getting physical custody! One thing in your favor is Judges do not usually like seeing kids get uprooted! If you can also prove the wife abandoned the home (affair) and that you can provided stability to your kids ( get them to school, after school care program etc while you work, not sure how old your kids are..) you may have a better than decent shot as being the primary parent.

Agree with Rookie on this! Not sure your state, but if it isn't a no-fault, look at all the options for filing and see if any type of abandonment cause is possible! In my state, there are 13 reasons to divorce with no-fault being one, and then 12 more including adultery, abandonment, emotional abandonment, mental cruelty and a few others!


Obo

[terrified_in_TN]

Terrified, wishing you luck with getting physical custody! One thing in your favor is Judges do not usually like seeing kids get uprooted! If you can also prove the wife abandoned the home (affair) and that you can provided stability to your kids ( get them to school, after school care program etc while you work, not sure how old your kids are..) you may have a better than decent shot as being the primary parent.

Sorry I haven't read your whole sitch yet, but I am guessing she told you she wants the kids living with her and she will fight you in court for them. Also read up in your state about the laws for moving kids out of state as 14 hrs away would seem to me like she is in a different state at this time and no pun intended! 

  Actually prior to her departure, we discussed what we both thought was best for our children-my 5 you went with mom, my 15 yo stayed with me.  I have had a dramatic change of heart since learning of OM's background (not good at all).

  To spite me, I'm sure my wife will now seek custody of both as well, even though it would ruin my now 16 yo's future plans.

  As far as winning custody-I have NO idea.  My state tends to favor mothers over fathers, and I can't really prove she is a neglectful parent, so I have a serious up hill battle.  What I can prove is she up and quit her job, eliminating the family medical insurance, and moved out of state to pursue a relationship with no job lined up, no plan, and no future.  Although she is working "part-time" right now, there is no way she could prove financial responsibility.  My lawyer asked for me to have custody of both girls and child support, and the income earning potential is so great between me and my w, she would owe me $1 month in child support; and that is taking into account the job she QUIT.  Also, D16 has stated a preference to grow up in the same household as her sister, and also has a preference of living with me.  So I have some things in my favor, and others against.  I have NO IDEA how its all going to turn out in the end though.

-Terrified

[MeNow]

Terrified, wishing you luck with getting physical custody! One thing in your favor is Judges do not usually like seeing kids get uprooted! If you can also prove the wife abandoned the home (affair) and that you can provided stability to your kids ( get them to school, after school care program etc while you work, not sure how old your kids are..) you may have a better than decent shot as being the primary parent.

Sorry I haven't read your whole sitch yet, but I am guessing she told you she wants the kids living with her and she will fight you in court for them. Also read up in your state about the laws for moving kids out of state as 14 hrs away would seem to me like she is in a different state at this time and no pun intended! 

  Actually prior to her departure, we discussed what we both thought was best for our children-my 5 you went with mom, my 15 yo stayed with me.  I have had a dramatic change of heart since learning of OM's background (not good at all).

  To spite me, I'm sure my wife will now seek custody of both as well, even though it would ruin my now 16 yo's future plans.

  As far as winning custody-I have NO idea.  My state tends to favor mothers over fathers, and I can't really prove she is a neglectful parent, so I have a serious up hill battle.  What I can prove is she up and quit her job, eliminating the family medical insurance, and moved out of state to pursue a relationship with no job lined up, no plan, and no future.  Although she is working "part-time" right now, there is no way she could prove financial responsibility.  My lawyer asked for me to have custody of both girls and child support, and the income earning potential is so great between me and my w, she would owe me $1 month in child support; and that is taking into account the job she QUIT.  Also, D16 has stated a preference to grow up in the same household as her sister, and also has a preference of living with me.  So I have some things in my favor, and others against.  I have NO IDEA how its all going to turn out in the end though.

-Terrified

OM background is a important issue here as a safety concern for your kids. Use that. Also her taking them is a huge issue. Your oldest should be able to choose for herself which parent she wants to live with.

I know you're fearful about court. Take strength in knowing you are fighting for the well being of your kids. That's what matters.

[Darth Obo]

OM background is a important issue here as a safety concern for your kids. Use that. Also her taking them is a huge issue. Your oldest should be able to choose for herself which parent she wants to live with.

Two very valid points I will echo! Get the down & dirty on this guy; most lawyers have a PI at their disposal and assets to get this data!

MeNow is correct about the oldest making her choice; most states are like this and the age is usually around 14! Courts do not like to split the kids up so this is very much in your favor if your oldest is choosing you!

Stay strong!

Obo

[eloise61213]

Divorce cost me to be in debt first time in my life. :-(  I am also just as terrified as you, TN.  Hearing from what Thundarr and OP said about recovering financially, I hope to dig myself out in the next 3 years. Lawyers are expensive. In SC, adultery is a fault and my ex knew I was dependent on him financially to survive.  What did he do? Cut me off, and I have to look for a job this late in life. I was a stay at home mum and helped in his business. So, by cutting me off financially, I have no means to keep paying the lawyer. So, I had to give in.  He smirks like the cat sho swollowed a canary. I put everything on my credit card :-( 

[MeNow]

Hey Eloise,

I'm so sorry.

My prayers and best wishes to you.