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Author Topic: Mirror-Work Long term cost of divorce

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Mirror-Work Re: Long term cost of divorce
#30: October 17, 2014, 03:55:09 PM
Mine monstered during mediation as well.  The most respected mediator who mediated Bill Murray's divorce here called my MLCer "squirly".  My attorney said he is very immature. His own lawyers almost walked out on him.  He yelled and screamed at his attorneys. Initially he did not want custody of the minor child, but towards the end he wanted joint custody.  The guardian ad litem granted me full custody. My ex still fought and in the end, it was written in as primary custody for me......I get to make all the decisions. Luckily, he lives in MI and I in SC. That makes it a bit easier.?? maybe.  All that you mentioned here, I experienced it. Unreal!!!!!!

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Re: Long term cost of divorce
#31: October 18, 2014, 05:45:01 AM
I would like to mention that during my fight (don't like using that term :-(  ) for custody, the best thing that happened was the guardian ad litem.  He interviewed us and made a recommendation. The guardian will stay on the case until he feels my minor child is ok with everything. The guardian will talk to my child again in 3 weeks. I agree with Rookie13, the court does not like to see the minor child be uprooted from what they are familiar and comfortable with.
It will be ok. [funny coming from me].
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Re: Long term cost of divorce
#32: October 18, 2014, 06:07:14 AM

OM background is a important issue here as a safety concern for your kids. Use that. Also her taking them is a huge issue. Your oldest should be able to choose for herself which parent she wants to live with.

I know you're fearful about court. Take strength in knowing you are fighting for the well being of your kids. That's what matters.

  Problem is, she isn't living with OM.  She is living with her brother (who is a nice guy, but heavy drinker, and come to find out casual nose candy user, but I can't prove that).

  Her brother and OM used to be best friends.  This situation has destroyed their friendship.  Anyway, OM is a small time drug dealer and frequent pot smoker.

  Its a huge mess for sure.  Never in a million years did I expect to be going through this.

-Terrified
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Re: Long term cost of divorce
#33: October 18, 2014, 10:57:30 AM

OM background is a important issue here as a safety concern for your kids. Use that. Also her taking them is a huge issue. Your oldest should be able to choose for herself which parent she wants to live with.

I know you're fearful about court. Take strength in knowing you are fighting for the well being of your kids. That's what matters.

  Problem is, she isn't living with OM.  She is living with her brother (who is a nice guy, but heavy drinker, and come to find out casual nose candy user, but I can't prove that).

  Her brother and OM used to be best friends.  This situation has destroyed their friendship.  Anyway, OM is a small time drug dealer and frequent pot smoker.

  Its a huge mess for sure.  Never in a million years did I expect to be going through this.

-Terrified

Your D will still be exposed to him. Still a valid concern.
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Re: Long term cost of divorce
#34: October 19, 2014, 04:53:25 AM

Your D will still be exposed to him. Still a valid concern.

  I agree.  Since my W and OM are heavily involved, there are only two possibilities regarding my 5 yo, and i have heard BOTH:

1)  She is neglecting my 5 yo, dumping her off on whoever will watch her so she can spend time with OM.
2)  She is exposing my 5 yo to OM.

Those are the ONLY two possibilities...and both are bad.

-Terrified
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Re: Long term cost of divorce
#35: October 19, 2014, 07:35:59 AM
Hi Terrified, do you think social services need to get involved to ensure child safety issues.
Regards
Jackolar
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Re: Long term cost of divorce
#36: October 19, 2014, 12:35:51 PM
Hey Terrified....Ugh! that is awful. Sooooo sorry. I cannot remember if you have already started your divorce procedure. If yes, ask your lawyer for a guardian ad litem for your child. Jackolar has a good point as well, but not sure if you want to get social service involved.

I dislike it when people kept telling me that children are resilient. They are not. Kids need to be in a stable loving environment, not bouncing them off from one caregiver to the next to go partying.   if not, they will be messed up when they are grown up :-(


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Re: Long term cost of divorce
#37: October 19, 2014, 01:29:33 PM
Hey Terrified....Ugh! that is awful. Sooooo sorry. I cannot remember if you have already started your divorce procedure. If yes, ask your lawyer for a guardian ad litem for your child. Jackolar has a good point as well, but not sure if you want to get social service involved.

I dislike it when people kept telling me that children are resilient. They are not. Kids need to be in a stable loving environment, not bouncing them off from one caregiver to the next to go partying.   if not, they will be messed up when they are grown up :-(

  Yes, I have started divorce.  We have a temp custody hearing on the 27th.  TN doesn't take adultery into account when dividing property or considering child custody, so I have that working against me.  But I have other things in my favor.  I have no idea what to expect, but we will soon see.

  I also believe children are not as resilient as many make them out to be.  My 5yo called me when she received a gift that I mailed, and she made me a card; W read it to me and it said "mom loves daddy", to which my W said "I will have to have a talk with her about that".  Yes, poor girl is going to be so confused.

  Also found out this morning that w and bro had a falling out (she lives with bro in family home), so she ended up over OM's house WITH MY 5 YO!!!  Am pissed off.

-EDIT-  By the way, there is no law against being poor, but a girl at work actually had this thought and did the leg work for me:

Although my wife is staying with her bro in the "family home", it sounds better than it really is.  Total appraisal value of the family home:  $4,500.  I live in a decent middle class neighbourhood.  Got to get my girl out of there, and all of my w's siblings but ONE agrees!

-Terrified
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« Last Edit: October 19, 2014, 01:32:28 PM by terrified_in_TN »

 

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