[UnconditionalLove]

Thanks Onlyjo! You are so right! MY H is on the addiction side right now. There is nothing I can say or do and I just need to let him go down this track.  He isn't to the point of discussing anything or admitting anything really. 

I just received a text from him this morning that said he was coming to get more stuff, work stuff from the apartment. He has pretty much been missing for 2 weeks now and with OW in another state. I don't know if he brought her back with him. She was suppose to be here this week or next for awhile doing some sort of research with him. So, there is a chance he brought her back. What I hate the most is I believe she is controlling him and telling him what to do against me.

I would love to someday share my pain with him for closer. Now, isn't the time. Everything is all about him and it's tiring. I do also believe they know they are doing wrong.  They might justify it but they know.  My H is on a road of destruction and it's so sad to watch, hurtful when it's against me and very hard to swallow. 

Thank you for sharing

[toysaplenty]

Twiceburnt, thank you for what you said. Your words made me feel better. You are very wise in all you write, and with your statement "She's merely a human sized pill or drink".

[nah]

They probably aren't discussing their problems with each other either. They're avoiding them altogether or dealing with them the same way as when they were with you.

Wow... this is an a-ha moment for me.  That makes so much sense.  It is called Escape and avoid and that's what he is doing.  I can't imagine living with a man that has been married for 28+ years and not discussing the emotional turmoil.  Thats just crazy.

[willitgetbetter]

They probably aren't discussing their problems with each other either. They're avoiding them altogether or dealing with them the same way as when they were with you.

Wow... this is an a-ha moment for me.  That makes so much sense.  It is called Escape and avoid and that's what he is doing.  I can't imagine living with a man that has been married for 28+ years and not discussing the emotional turmoil.  Thats just crazy.

Likewise, in dealing the same way, they tend to try to escape and avoid OW by calling us or maybe other women to vent or talk about problems. Now OW is not the one to escape to, especially if they are living with them. Mine was calling to vent about his mom and sister. RCR touched on this in a section of one of the alienator articles.

[The lighthouse]

They probably aren't discussing their problems with each other either. They're avoiding them altogether or dealing with them the same way as when they were with you.

Wow... this is an a-ha moment for me.  That makes so much sense.  It is called Escape and avoid and that's what he is doing.  I can't imagine living with a man that has been married for 28+ years and not discussing the emotional turmoil.  Thats just crazy.

Around 6 months after BD I asked my H how he could talk to someone he hardly knew about his feelings yet he couldn't share them with me.  His reply "What talk about emotions you mean?  We don't".  So yes, Escape and Avoid - with the OP too. 

3+ years down the track I can see quite clearly what OW gets from my H.  Exactly what I was getting towards the end before BD.  A shell of the man he once was who is escaping with work and alcohol.  He is recently spending more and more time on the weekends with our D12 (who will have nothing to do with OW) and I wonder when he and OW spend time together at all. 

I have said from the beginning of this mess, 'same game, different players'.  I don't want that man I had in those last months.  She can keep him.

[blackice]

my h told me last night he has tried to talk to the ow about emotional things and she makes fun of him for it so he doesn't bother anymore, he saves that for me now i guess.

[Kat0465]

Just my observation, and what's going on in my MLCers crazy ass relationship.
They do not live together,spend almost no holidays together. They however do work together. But cannot be openly out there with the relationship( or what ever the hell it is)

Because, she is married, with a kid. Has no plans  from what I understand to divorce. Her husband told me this when I made a phone call to inform him his wife was a wh**e

He expected me to live the same as they do. She works, he stays home takes care of house,chores,kid. All she has to do is work, and screw my husband.ohh and run off every so often to vacation, or go lay up at a hotel for a few days.

Yes, my husband has given up everything,and I mean everything to live like that. But still dosent want a divorce..... Why I have no clue!!

So with that being said, my point is. They are both living in a friggin fantasy world!  No bills to argue about, no chores to argue about, no kids to raise together, no seeing someone throw thier guts up or have diarrhea(haha) no anything normal! It's a freaking fantasy. it's not normal every day life

So how does a fantasy ever get old??? As my friend put it. He ain't home yet??? Well, guess that tw*t ain't got old yet........ 

So my question is, does it make a difference if they live together, or just sneak around whenever they can......I think it does make a difference. He's going on 2 years with this skank, I made him leave 10 months ago. Still does not want to talk divorce, still pays the bills ( thank God) but still will not talk about relationship or coming home....... It's a sad thing to watch a man go from a good good husband, daddy, hard worker. To this..... Whatever the hell it is.


And while I do blame him for the most part.....I'd still like to beat the OW nasty fat, dumb ass!! (God forgive me)

[willitgetbetter]

Living together supposedly speeds up the process and kills the fantasy faster. Hoping so because mine has been with Granny-Ow for 6 months now.

[Searching4Answers]

So my question is, does it make a difference if they live together, or just sneak around whenever they can......I think it does make a difference. He's going on 2 years with this skank, I made him leave 10 months ago. Still does not want to talk divorce, still pays the bills ( thank God) but still will not talk about relationship or coming home....... It's a sad thing to watch a man go from a good good husband, daddy, hard worker. To this..... Whatever the hell it is.

I think it matters. My H has referred to his weekends away with OW as a vacation from reality! Which he escapes to every weekend He doesn't want a relationship - he doesn't want any responsibilities.

[Kat0465]

Searching,you are right! They have no responsibilities.and that's just how they want it!!

As much as I would hate it,I wish they lived together.thwy won't ever know the true person they are with.