[hopeful1]

Totally agree he is definately not happy
If he was happy he wouldn't still be so afraid to talk to me
After NC for months he still speaks to me with hate
That just shows his not happy
Yes my inlaws have abandoned me and my boys too
As they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree
Feeling stronger today.
Need to stay focussed on me not his mental state
My kids don't need to mental parents. In a way I am glad his vanished

[in it]

Yes focus on you.

Trying to understand the behavior of some people is like trying to smell the color 9.

Focus on you and try to be the best person you can for you.  Too much of trying to try to understand what's going on with him won't get you anywhere and robs you of your inner peace.

[in it]

Well today is the day! Two years of no contact since the domestic violence incident.

 I know some people might think that should be an easy thing to do..it isn't. Some big positive have happened in the passed two years.

One of them being perspective. People have been through worse and survived it ..I'm sure I will too.

Verbal and physical abuse, control, financial, and emotional abuse isn't love.

Find your own happiness within and inner peace. Have more self respect than to put up with any of it.

[Lanzo]

all of that stuff should be moving further and further in the distance  in your rear view mirror, congratulations on achieving 2 years of NO CONTACT 


Lanzo

[in it]

Thanks Lanzo (((HUGS))) It is in the rear view mirror.

 I could in time forget about it..but I do have to remember the hate, control, and fear behind it.

That belongs to the ex not me.

Triggers lessen in time and I am heading for happiness and peace.

[toomanytearss]

Wonderful init!  Maybe next year you won't even think about the anniversary of no contact because it will be such a distant memory. 

That is my goal, to get to where all this seems like it happened so many years ago that I can't even remember most of it.  Like it was just a blip on my radar screen.   

When I need to get tough I read your threads.  I can sometimes be too wimpy for my own good.     After I read, I get my determination back.  I can't imagine anything slowing you down, init.   

HUGS!
tmt

[in it]

Oh I have my setbacks belive me...stand your ground stay true to you.
try not to let someone walk all over you.
It'will be new for them too..

[TopsyTurvy]

I watched a dramatisation of a true life event in the UK this weekend.  4 years it took to kill his partner....four years of domestic violence.  He left her dying for 2 hours before calling an ambulance, he'd even used an ironing board as a weapon.

It's not easy to walk away from at all.

All credit to you In It, you're a survivor - I never thought I'd forgive infidelity and didn't understand those that put up with DV - I understand it now, but you have to get out quick before they suck you in.

2 years NC worth every minute not to go through DV any longer.

[in it]

Thanks TT

It's funny the question behind it is usually

Why does she stay..

When it  really should be
 
Why does he abuse

I felt like I was doing something wrong and if I could just be more of whatever he wanted me to be it would stop and then we could be happy.

Then the kids came along and I stayed because of them and wouldn't call the cops because I didn't want him to lose his job.

I went back every single time - but once. That time he begged and hounded me so much I agreed to try again...the violence only escalates. It was years between incidents and he never did it in front of the kids.

I was raised in a home with domestic violence.

This last time with the information I had. Then him being violent with someone else besides me AND the fact that he stated he wasn't going to work anymore ( this was before the incident) When the incident happened? And I visited a hospital emergency room for ex-rays? ALL BETS WERE OFF.

I'll never trust or believe anything he ever has to say or does again. Nothing he can do can reapair the damage. I can't ever have contact with him or his mother again..no matter what happens. I don't think either of them had the "bigger picture" in mind.

I don't know what will happen to this guy in the UK? But he ought to be beaten the same way she was. Over four years.

No contact for most of you dealing with infidelity is to PROTECT yourself from their relentless verbal and emotional abuse and the pain it causes you. 

Honor, respect, and love yourself more than to put up with their attempts at controlling your emotions and their disrespect.

[TopsyTurvy]

Init, you are one amazing person to survive all you have.

As for the 'low-life' in the story, he got 15 years raised to 20 yrs for using the ironing board.  I don't know what happened to their child, but he never raised a hand to her.  As in your case, she went back time and again for the DV to escalate, he hounded her at times to take him back.  I think in the end she just gave up, people were telling her he'd never let her go.

DV is taken really seriously here in the UK, but it needs the victim to make statements and go to court, time and again they don't (I understand that, but it is very sad).  My H is a police officer and they always make a DV call a priority, but the officers do find it frustrating going to the same properties and not being able to prosecute.

You're in a much better place now and stronger for it, such a shame it has to happen in the first place.