[in it]

I don't know how "amazing" I am . Looking back on all of it I feel pretty stupid. And people have had worse things happen.

And the abused are part of the cycle and techincally as sick as the abuser. Especially if you think you can change them, get it right, make them happy, equate what they do or say as love or anything else that's healthy.

The people telling her he would never let her go did a lot more damage than they realize.

I've had a couple of people say " What are you going to do when he wants you back?"

Uhhhh in that case I think "no" is a complete sentance. My silence says it best.

 This woman needed people to support her and tell her to let him go and stay away from him. It's hard to say if she would have listened to them. His abuse of her didn't start with him killing her.

I don't think I ever really loved the ex..more times than not I just felt sorry for him. Not anymore.

 I wasn't an angel, but no one deserves to have someone put their hands on them in anger. And I now know I deserve better than that.
 

[TopsyTurvy]

Absolutely agree, there is no reason to abuse another person whether its man to woman, woman to man or between the two sexes.

[in it]

I've heard this song played quite a bit lately.

 Can anyone else relate to these lyrics?
 
 If so, give yourself some peace and freedom this Memorial Day Weekend go no contact and end the GAMES!

You know the one where you call
But you act like you never called me

When you see me at a bar
and you act like you never saw me

When you're dancing with him
and you're looking at me

Or I'm holding her, and I'm hoping you see
Or the one where you don't kiss me

Then you tell me that you miss me

All of these games, we play
I can't even keep 'em all straight
Do we mean what we say
We got lines crossed all over the place, yeah

I can't tell if I'm winning or losing
Somebody tell me what are we doing?
Nobody ever comes out on top
Tell me are we ever gonna stop
Playing these games

The one where you act all surprised
Like you didn't know I'd be at the party

The way you make sure it gets back to me
That you got with somebody

The way you wake up, say it was just a mistake
But you always leave something over at my place
So I gotta bring it back

Now baby why you gotta be like that

All of these games, we play
I can't even keep 'em all straight
Do we mean what we say
We got lines crossed all over the place, yeah

I can't tell if I'm winning or losing
Somebody tell me what are we doing?
Nobody ever comes out on top
Tell me are we ever gonna stop
Playing these games

This break-up, make-up,hot and cold thing got me dizzy
You don't want me til I got somebody with me
It's gonna kill me
Baby tell me, what am I supposed to do with you

And all of these games, we play
I can't even keep 'em all straight
Do we mean what we say
We got lines crossed all over the place, yeah

I can't tell if I'm winning or losing
Somebody tell me what are we doing?
Nobody ever comes out on top
Tell me are we ever gonna stop
Playing these games
All of these games..

[toomanytearss]

There comes a point when no contact is really the best thing you can do. Much of what they do is emotional abuse. Maybe they aren't able to stop it or aren't aware of what they are doing. That's a possibility I guess but I personally think mine knows exactly what he's doing and has enjoyed every minute of it. But either way the abuse has to stop.

The only way I found is to go no contact. It fully takes me away and out of the picture so no more emotional abuse. It does I guess make a return and paving the way and all that a no go, but for me, I'm at a point where my emotional health is way more important to me than caring whether h will change and come through this.

Put yourself first and do what is best for you.

[Lanzo]

Yes TMT,

Go NC, if the MLC’er truly wants to come back they will find a way, touch n go, random contacts, turning up on our door step.

NC gives us a chance to maintain our metal stability  and take control of our healing process.

Funny though, I am NC  with xW and I’m pretty sure she is mirroring my behaviour, so I hold out no hope of any sort of relationship with her in the future. If I was more amenable towards her I’m sure she would try to take control of that, so no, NC stays in place for me.

Lanzo 

[toomanytearss]

Lanza I have that same thing going on. I believe h is mirroring me also. I believe that's why the divorce came into play because I told him to leave and that I was done. He asked if we could still see each other and I said NO. It's over time to go our separate ways.

I knew while he was home and even a couple of months before that he was mirroring me. The problem was he was still lying and cheating and being a jerk (yeah he only mirrored what he wanted to lol) so I had to end it. I knew it would send him far away. I didn't realize he'd file but I'm even ok with that now for the most part. I just wish the divorce was already done.

[in it]

I really think if there's ever any LBs that's interested in getting back together this may be the only way to prevent anymore emotional damage..a whole lot less to get passed if you draw the line and say No More!!!

You have to figure out a way to get them to shut their mouths.....have their calls go to voicemail. .flag email as spam...reassign their texts a different sound and do not read them
.WHATEVER  you have to do.

[ruggedendurance]

I really think if there's ever any LBs that's interested in getting back together this may be the only way to prevent anymore emotional damage..a whole lot less to get passed if you draw the line and say No More!!!

You have to figure out a way to get them to shut their mouths.....have their calls go to voicemail. .flag email as spam...reassign their texts a different sound and do not read them
.WHATEVER  you have to do.

I agree with every word.    I haven't seen or talked to xw in 2 1/2yrs.    If I she would have been a clinger?     I would have been busy putting distance between her and I.

Since I have had zero contact.........  I've been able to work through all of this at my own pace.   NC is a Godsend.

I never worry if she is going to contact me or not.    It is totally up to her.    I'm fine with myself.     I have made peace with all of this misery.

[in it]

Thats the destination RE ..peace..it takes practice right now for me to maintain it..I'm
weeding out the negative people..the body count is at 8 for nc.

[Lanzo]

NC is a Godsend.

Hallelujah !!!!


Lanzo