[UnconditionalLove]

There has been a lot of talk about when the MLC comes to you and reveals his journey to his LBS. Sometimes they apologize, sometimes they rationalize it but they have seen their ways and start connecting back to the LBS. My question is...what does or did the LBS do at this point? Do you or did you just listen and be supportive? Or did you open up too and say...Look do you understand what I just went through, with your choices? Or does it again not really matter what we went through? I'd love to hear from some of the LBS who went through this and how they handled it.

Thanks!

[superdog]

Hi there, I don't think there will be too many answers to this just yet.

For me though unless the mlcer is willing to listen and understand the lbs pain too then there is no reconciliation and no future.

Sd
X

[UnconditionalLove]

Thanks for responding! I think you would be right.  I just don't see a lot of replies from the reconnection of what the LBS said only what the MLCer said. I would agree with you though. It's really important to get everything on the table.

[MeNow]

Thanks for responding! I think you would be right.  I just don't see a lot of replies from the reconnection of what the LBS said only what the MLCer said. I would agree with you though. It's really important to get everything on the table.

I think for me, there are some things I want to know and some things I don't. I'm not really sure until I cross that bridge.

However, what happened cannot be swept under the rug. It has to be dealt with.

[Pixiegirl]

Although not in reconnection or reconciliation I did do that today with Mr. Pixie. He listened and acknowledged as far as I know. At this point I don't think it means anything towards reconciliation or reconnect but it was good for me. It was not planned. It just happened that way. He did not make excuses and did not monster or try to blame back. He did not say sorry but he did say I understand several times so that was acknowledgement to me. Again I don't think it means a whole lot at this point but it was healing for me.

[MeNow]

Although not in reconnection or reconciliation I did do that today with Mr. Pixie. He listened and acknowledged as far as I know. At this point I don't think it means anything towards reconciliation or reconnect but it was good for me. It was not planned. It just happened that way. He did not make excuses and did not monster or try to blame back. He did not say sorry but he did say I understand several times so that was acknowledgement to me. Again I don't think it means a whole lot at this point but it was healing for me.

My W did the same before she left. I listened but did not understand her pain. Thinking about myself and how her words stung me ya know.

I think I could listen more attentively now as I've been on the other end. I think it's hard for them to know the actual pain unless they've been through it just as you don't quite understand what drove them to do what they did. 

[Pixiegirl]

My W did the same before she left. I listened but did not understand her pain. Thinking about myself and how her words stung me ya know.

KEY words right there Menow. You W did the same thing right before she left....this is where I am. I am leaving. The old Pixie is gone.
I felt it in my calmness, in my words, in me.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

My situation seems to be different, somehow, because my W seems to be aware of the pain she's causing me. About a month ago we were sitting in our living room talking about something and she stated that she doesn't live here any more. I didn't say anything cause I thought I 'd wait and see where she might go with that. After about a minute of silence she stood up and said it was time to go. I'm not sure I even said goodbye. About 30 minutes later I got an FB message from her stating "I'm so sorry, I'm not being fair to you". I have no idea what that meant because I didn't respond. What could I have said? The next time I saw her she wanted to go for a walk with me and we had a very nice 40 minute walk and we talked the whole time, meaning we both talked instead of me talking and her listening without responding.

[willitgetbetter]

My situation seems to be different, somehow, because my W seems to be aware of the pain she's causing me. About a month ago we were sitting in our living room talking about something and she stated that she doesn't live here any more. I didn't say anything cause I thought I 'd wait and see where she might go with that. After about a minute of silence she stood up and said it was time to go. I'm not sure I even said goodbye. About 30 minutes later I got an FB message from her stating "I'm so sorry, I'm not being fair to you". I have no idea what that meant because I didn't respond. What could I have said? The next time I saw her she wanted to go for a walk with me and we had a very nice 40 minute walk and we talked the whole time, meaning we both talked instead of me talking and her listening without responding.

MBIB,

Interesting. Oh the cycling! Did she R talk during the walk?

[MeNow]

My situation seems to be different, somehow, because my W seems to be aware of the pain she's causing me. About a month ago we were sitting in our living room talking about something and she stated that she doesn't live here any more. I didn't say anything cause I thought I 'd wait and see where she might go with that. After about a minute of silence she stood up and said it was time to go. I'm not sure I even said goodbye. About 30 minutes later I got an FB message from her stating "I'm so sorry, I'm not being fair to you". I have no idea what that meant because I didn't respond. What could I have said? The next time I saw her she wanted to go for a walk with me and we had a very nice 40 minute walk and we talked the whole time, meaning we both talked instead of me talking and her listening without responding.

Is she still with OM?
She sounds torn maybe guilt.

Develop and maintain boundaries. No pursuit.
Acknowledge your interaction was pleasant and move on. Nothing more.
My opinion.

Best