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Author Topic: MLC Monster LBS STAGES 2

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MLC Monster LBS STAGES 2
OP: November 12, 2014, 07:41:35 AM
New thread

Last thread

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2625.0

I thought I would add the stages of grief that we all go through with a relationship breakup.

1. Shock: "What the hell just happened?"

2. Denial: "This is so not happening."

3. Isolation: "I just want to sit in this all by myself."

4. Anger: "I hate you for breaking my heart!"

5. Bargaining: "What will it take to get him/her back?"

6. Depression: "I will never get over him/her."

7. Acceptance: "I understand why I was with him/her, why I'm not now, and that I will be better than just OK."

Some keep it a bit simpler:

1.  Denial

2.  Anger

3.  Bargaining

4.  Depression

5.  Acceptance

Several versions actually... but we all definitely go through them. 
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« Last Edit: November 13, 2014, 12:51:18 AM by stayed »

nah

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Re: LBS STAGES
#1: November 12, 2014, 07:51:41 AM
attaching
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me-53
ow-31
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

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Re: LBS STAGES 2
#2: November 12, 2014, 08:53:33 AM
I'm on board... waiting for the next part.  Thanks for setting up the new link OP.

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Re: LBS STAGES 2
#3: November 12, 2014, 10:01:45 AM
Quote
I found this song right after BD and it fit exactly how I was feeling--
By The  Script
"Exit Wounds"

Lose your clothes and show your scars that's who you are
Marks of battle, they still feel raw
 A million pieces of me, on the floor
Wow, Thunder, this composer has been there.  I think these lyrics reflect why I was so obsessed with getting the stabbed-in-the-heart tattoo.  I hurt so badly there had to be some sort of mark somewhere--literally an "exit wound".

 I shudder as I recall those early days, weeks, with nah bringing back memories.  I don't know how we all make it through to here, that there aren't more casualties.  I truly lost my mind, I didn't know how I would ever make the pain stop, make the nightmare stop, make the world right again.
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Detach and Survive: A Book of Self-Care for the Wives of Midlife Crisis Men
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, Susan Anderson
Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw
The Addictive Personality, Craig Nakken
https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

M'ed 41 years
BD-Jan 2013
Legally separated Feb 2013
D'ed without my consent July 2015
H M'ed OW Sept 2015

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Re: LBS STAGES 2
#4: November 12, 2014, 10:07:35 AM
I think these lyrics reflect why I was so obsessed with getting the stabbed-in-the-heart tattoo.  I hurt so badly there had to be some sort of mark somewhere--literally an "exit wound".

 I shudder as I recall those early days, weeks, with nah bringing back memories.  I don't know how we all make it through to here, that there aren't more casualties.  I truly lost my mind, I didn't know how I would ever make the pain stop, make the nightmare stop, make the world right again.

I was wondering about your nickname.  Curious-did you REALLY get that tattoo?  The only reason I ask, is I have NO TATTOOS what-so-ever, but had thought about getting one on occasion; I am ex-Navy after all LOL.  After BD, I SERIOUSLY contemplated getting one of an icy-blue cold heart on my chest.  I thought that was really strange of me to seriously consider it.

-Terrified
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2014, 10:12:22 AM by terrified_in_TN »

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Re: LBS STAGES 2
#5: November 12, 2014, 11:28:50 AM
I swear, tats are a right of passage for us! I got mine--a whisk to honor my mom--about a year after BD. My first physical change, though, was getting my navel pierced. Since  the navel is at our identity chakra, it was quite literally my FU to the Marine Corps and one Marine in specific. I'd always wanted to do that, by a nice Marine Officers wife could not possibly have a pierced navel!  :o

A friend of mine who survived MLC warned me I was going to find myself doing some really strange things. Boy was she right!
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Married 29 years. Divorced 12/7/16.
BD March 2013
D24, S22, Canine
Moved out November 2013
Bought townhouse for him and OW December, 2014
Mediation began April, 2014, completed June, 2015; round of mediation completed August 24.
My status: done and indifferent
____________________

That's was some f*cked up sh!t! I don't ever have to do that again!

Why are you holding on to that? How is it serving you?

One does not make the trip to he!! And back without acquiring transferable skills!

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Re: LBS STAGES 2
#6: November 12, 2014, 11:36:41 AM
I swear, tats are a right of passage for us!...

  And sometimes possibly the MLCer as well?  I know my w got her very FIRST (and so far only at the moment) tattoo shortly before BD.  She would probably have more by now, but OM told her he doesn't like girls with tats, even though he looks like a damn canvas he is so "painted" up.

-Terrified
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« Last Edit: November 12, 2014, 11:38:06 AM by terrified_in_TN »

nah

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Re: LBS STAGES 2
#7: November 12, 2014, 12:18:02 PM
I swear, tats are a right of passage for us! I got mine--a whisk to honor my mom--about a year after BD. My first physical change, though, was getting my navel pierced. Since  the navel is at our identity chakra, it was quite literally my FU to the Marine Corps and one Marine in specific. I'd always wanted to do that, by a nice Marine Officers wife could not possibly have a pierced navel!  :o

A friend of mine who survived MLC warned me I was going to find myself doing some really strange things. Boy was she right!

Medusa, I love your attitude,...

I swear, tats are a right of passage for us!...

  And sometimes possibly the MLCer as well?  I know my w got her very FIRST (and so far only at the moment) tattoo shortly before BD.  She would probably have more by now, but OM told her he doesn't like girls with tats, even though he looks like a damn canvas he is so "painted" up.

-Terrified

Yes, Tattoos is part of the checklist, isn't it? I don't mind a few (I got one on a dare when I was eighteen) and my husband had my name on his arm (should have been a sign when he covered it with a multitude of others  ::) ) but now he is covered and looks stupid.  He is a 50 year old man with sleeves and tatts running up his legs... what a toolbag. 
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me-53
ow-31
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

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Re: LBS STAGES 2
#8: November 12, 2014, 12:32:59 PM
I was wondering about your nickname.  Curious-did you REALLY get that tattoo? 
LOL!  My kids (S-29 & S-25 at the time) were appalled, so I told them I would wait six months.  My DIL who has three pretty prominent tattoos (seems almost required in that age group, although both sons have none), talked about the wisdom of having a "break-up" tattoo.  I have to admit that part of the appeal was imagining my H returning & having to look at that knife-in-the-heart tat on my chest.

The next step (of healing?) was to consider a pretty bleeding heart flower on my left chest.  Still meaningful, but not in-your-face.  But I'm in the age group where cartoon Maxine saying "I'd get a tattoo if I had any skin tight enough to write on" makes sense.  So, I haven't gotten it, but it's not completely off the table.
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Detach and Survive: A Book of Self-Care for the Wives of Midlife Crisis Men
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing, Susan Anderson
Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw
The Addictive Personality, Craig Nakken
https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

M'ed 41 years
BD-Jan 2013
Legally separated Feb 2013
D'ed without my consent July 2015
H M'ed OW Sept 2015

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Re: LBS STAGES 2
#9: November 12, 2014, 12:45:24 PM
lol I wonder what there is about tattoo's and LBS's.  The only reason I do not have a Māori upper arm band, was the lady I was going to go with, didn't turn up.  My self esteem and confidence were so low at that time, that I hung around the tattoo shop for a couple hours looking at the pictures, but could not work up the nerve to TALK to the person on the desk.  Crazy eh?  I became this extremely "shy" introvert, for several months after BD.  Never been shy in my life...  :-[  Looking back ... it still makes me sad!  Man, I want to look within myself simply to try and figure out what in the world caused that? 

Anyway, I never got it done.  So my skin is still tat free! 

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Married 42yrs.
Reconciled July 5, 2006

"Don't be so open minded your brains fall out".  by Stephen A. Kallis, Jr.
"We believe marriage is sacred, but it is not our job to save marriages; it is our goal to empower each of you to save your own marriage."

Stayed Husband Letter
The Hero's Spouse Mission Statement
Survival Instructions for Newbies
The Mentor Program
LBS SCRIPT

 

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