Author Topic: Mirror-Work Return Stories Part Three  (Read 45980 times)

Offline limitlessTopic starterTopic starter

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Mirror-Work Return Stories Part Three
« on: November 18, 2014, 12:33:30 PM »
Link to old thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1756.0

First thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=237.0

Thought it was time to start a new thread.

I had a conversation with my dental hygenist today.  Really nice young gal.  Been going to her for some time.  Over the years I have shared with her my experience with my Ex.

Today she shared that her Father left her Mother when she was 16 years old.  (Got involved with Mother's best friend...so typical).  She and her brother lived with their Father until they went out on their own.   They refused to have anything to do with OW.  Her parent never divorced, but her Dad was with the OW for 14 years.  14 years!  He never lived with her.  They kept separate homes and separate lives.  She wasn't welcome with HIS family.  OW used to send her Christmas gifts and cards - but my hygenist wanted NOTHING to do with her. 

Her Mother was devastated...as we all know that feeling.  Yet, she picked up her life, went back to school and became a nurse.  She dated a little - but did not get serious with anyone. 

A few years back, her Father left the OW.  Apparently she was pushing to live together...get married.  He didn't want to do that.  So, they broke up. 

Her Dad contacted her Mother....they began to do things together....have dinner, spend time, go out, etc.  According to my dental hygenist - they are the best of friends and spend a lot of time together.  The all have holidays together, as well.  She believes that her Dad would like to be in a relationship with her Mom.....but her Mom is reluctant.  She believes if the two were open to get some counseling and work through it - they could reconcile...but her Dad "isn't the counseling type."

One other interesting thing - OW continues to send him notes wanting to reconcile - but he isn't interested in the slightest. 

Who knows where it will go from here.

L

« Last Edit: November 20, 2014, 03:50:31 AM by OldPilot »
M -58,  ExH - 64 (56 at BD)
M - 33 years (do the last 3 years count?)
D - 28, D -24, S - 24 (only S 24 at home)
BD 5/29/2010, Ran away from home - 8/15/2010,
Found out about affair - 2/11
H asks for divorce - 8/11
H filed for divorce 10/11
Announced "new" girlfriend 12/12 (3rd OW)
Divorce final 06/13 (I decided to finish it)
Dumped OW#3 9/15 (After 4 years)
Seeing OW#1 again
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Offline hawk

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2015, 11:23:24 PM »
My parents and heroes , together 56yrs. Warning , might make ya cry.

We had a huge family , 12 , mum was meant to stop at 7 , but she was catholic and wouldn't use anything.
Eventually it all got too much , as you could imagine. She started going a bit crazy , talking crazy  here. But she also would not associate with dad in anyway. For years it was just wise cracks whenever he opened his mouth or was around.
He was a strong man , mans man .But even us kids use to think why , don't live like this dad , divorce her.
Eventually , after sticking by her for years , he started getting gf's , he was always highly sexed , we never knew how he lasted that long.
Then he bought a holiday house 8hrs drive. He started going up there straight after work Friday nights , went on for 3 or 4 yrs.
He had a gf up there but even we couldn't blame him the way mum treated him.

Meanwhile , go figure seems she seem to hate dad , but mum would not go near other men. When dad wasn't around , she talked about him and lived as if she was a loyal wife.  Don't ask me to explain it , l still can't.
Underneath it all though , l think he was only ever the only man for her. Although she was going through sh@t , she was still a one man women.

Dad was still living at home , mum was in and out of hospital like a second home. We nearly lost her 4 or 5 times. But every time she got sick , dad would drop everything and be at her bed in hospital for as long as it took.

My dad was in business and at 65 he went broke . Mum started to change , he dropped the gf's , mum never did like all the money , she just wasn't interested in money or business.
They were actually talking again , even when they were alone . We hadn't seen that in 15yrs .
Mum still talked about dad as if he was her hero , same as she did when she was treating him like sh@t  , that never ever changed.
Then they retired and both , yep both , moved up to the holiday house. area but he didn't own the house anymore and they had to go on the pension because he went broke. But they rented a unit in town . They still had separate bedrooms , but they would cackle away around each other like a couple of old women  .
Dad would still talk about mum a lot to , and basically wait on her , fuss over her .
Then they got older and mum started getting sick again until it was the last stand . We all knew we'd lose her soon , dad to.
But dad started getting sick to . Then they found out he had so many blockages he shouldn't even be here. But he was too old now to take the operations .
Mum got worse and dad had had 6 heart attacks , yep , 6 .
But he wouldn't go . He was going to stay to look after mum first , if it was the last thing he did.
Well he did that and we all saw her off with dad.
He said to me that day , l hope the kids are gonna be ok and l'll stick around as long as l can to be there.
Well , he managed another 18mths and we lost him to.
But in visits and stuff , he'd stuck by mum and seen her off , and then he'd stuck by he's kids to make sure they were ok and then,  it was time to check out .
They just don't make em like that any more .  MN summed it up in another thread . The way the world is now , the cheap quick thrills , the lack of !

But you know what , my ex was their favorite of all the sons and sister in laws , kids , the lot . They loved her. Dad especially but mum to bc ex was a nurse and all mums hospital , she had real respect for nurses.
So in a way l as so relieved they weren't here to see what she did in the end.
l know they know now but at least , well hopefully they were busy up there at the time.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2015, 12:22:53 AM by hawk »
Together 19yrs
BD, 2012
Divorce 16mths later

Offline hawk

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2015, 03:20:24 AM »
Just wondering , no more return stories , that can't be right can it ???
Together 19yrs
BD, 2012
Divorce 16mths later

Offline limitlessTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2015, 04:30:21 PM »
Link to old thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1756.0

First thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=237.0

Thought it was time to start a new thread.

I had a conversation with my dental hygenist today.  Really nice young gal.  Been going to her for some time.  Over the years I have shared with her my experience with my Ex.

Today she shared that her Father left her Mother when she was 16 years old.  (Got involved with Mother's best friend...so typical).  She and her brother lived with their Father until they went out on their own.   They refused to have anything to do with OW.  Her parent never divorced, but her Dad was with the OW for 14 years.  14 years!  He never lived with her.  They kept separate homes and separate lives.  She wasn't welcome with HIS family.  OW used to send her Christmas gifts and cards - but my hygenist wanted NOTHING to do with her. 

Her Mother was devastated...as we all know that feeling.  Yet, she picked up her life, went back to school and became a nurse.  She dated a little - but did not get serious with anyone. 

A few years back, her Father left the OW.  Apparently she was pushing to live together...get married.  He didn't want to do that.  So, they broke up. 

Her Dad contacted her Mother....they began to do things together....have dinner, spend time, go out, etc.  According to my dental hygenist - they are the best of friends and spend a lot of time together.  The all have holidays together, as well.  She believes that her Dad would like to be in a relationship with her Mom.....but her Mom is reluctant.  She believes if the two were open to get some counseling and work through it - they could reconcile...but her Dad "isn't the counseling type."

One other interesting thing - OW continues to send him notes wanting to reconcile - but he isn't interested in the slightest. 

Who knows where it will go from here.

L

I went to the dentist today....saw my usual dental hygenist.

Her parents are now living together.  She told me that the reason was "financial" - but I wonder. 

My hygenist got married recently - with both of her parents in attendance...TOGETHER.

L
M -58,  ExH - 64 (56 at BD)
M - 33 years (do the last 3 years count?)
D - 28, D -24, S - 24 (only S 24 at home)
BD 5/29/2010, Ran away from home - 8/15/2010,
Found out about affair - 2/11
H asks for divorce - 8/11
H filed for divorce 10/11
Announced "new" girlfriend 12/12 (3rd OW)
Divorce final 06/13 (I decided to finish it)
Dumped OW#3 9/15 (After 4 years)
Seeing OW#1 again
The Hero's Spouse Mission Statement
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Offline heroIam

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2015, 07:51:06 AM »
Well, I have a return story.  H returned home Dec 19.  Home ever since.  I know it hasn't been long since H has been home, but so far showing "not many" signs of being untrustworthy.  However, I think I need to work on my own trusting issues.  Granted, I have seens a few things that "didn't add up" in my mind, but they were small and probably just exaggerated in my own mind and insecurity-I don't know.......Trust is something I work on and struggle with every day since H has been home.  I don't know for sure if OW is gone.  So he says.  So, I suppose I take comfort in that.  If there is anyone out there with a return story that you can share with me to help with the trust and getting past it all, it would be helpful.   Thank you.
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline sada

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2015, 12:45:05 PM »
Hi Hero. My H came back after being gone 1 month 1/2. He displayed every sign of MLC to a tee. Sometimes I feel unsure of posting because he wasn't gone for very long at all. We're doing pretty well. I continue so much of what I've learned here when it comes to reconciliation.  I realize that the trust can never be 100% again. I guess I try not to think of it in those terms. It is hard when we've been through so much. I continue GAL: Exercising, working, meeting friends, etc. I've continued  to do things for myself that I started when he was gone: mani/pedis, regular hair appointments, shoe shopping!  I'm struggling to be more of the distancer rather than the pursuer, this is what is hardest for me.  I used to be the spouse who took charge of EVERYTHING: bills, kids' appts, teacher conferences, groceries, car stuff... on & on.  Well not anymore: he wanted a damsel in distress, well he's got one, me! I let him take care of me & those things so much more than I ever thought I would.  I really think it makes him feel more needed.  I also think he feels it's helping him to make up for his evil doings. And I'm getting many more much deserved breaks.

I can't put it as eloquently as so many of our fellow LBS have but I've found that I can endure with or without my H. I'm thrilled & blessed that we're together but I won't lose this woman that I've become because we are. During his absence I grew in spirit & understanding of myself. Most importantly,  I grew closer to God than I've ever been in my life,  & that endures.

Hopefully I helped a little bit. If you have any questions that are more specific I'll try to help further.
Sada
Me - 57
H - 56
Married 13 years, together 23
Apr 2014: PA discovered, ow 22 yrs younger
May 2014: "I love her & she loves me"
("But I'll always love you the most")
Jun 2014: Left home to live w OW
Aug 2014: Back home. "Sorry, made mistakes".
Late 2015: Ow2 (a couple of dates I think). Monster
  returned for several months 
Early 2016: Health scare, including major surgery, resulting in fog lifting some more.
Today: H progressing thru mlc positively.Mostly cooked, has remained home and reconciling
Arguments & disagreements very infrequent
Enjoying our time together

Offline Sha10613

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2015, 11:00:29 AM »
Not sure if the male in this story was a MLCer, but it is a return story, nonetheless.  I met a parent the other day, who was actually the OW.  She married a man who left his former wife for her, and they had 2 kids together (3 years old and 5 years old).  This man has 2 adult sons (30 years old and 28 years old) with his former wife.  The OW said that this man has been a good father to their young children, still sees them regularly, and said that she hoped that they'd get back together in the future.  She also said that there is no way they'd get back together right now, because he is 'too into his other family'.  :o  When I asked why he decided to leave, she said that his reason was that he was stressed out about not being present in his two older sons' lives and needed to go home (where both of his sons and his ex-wife live).  It sounded like he and his ex-wife are back together, though the OW seemed to want to be vague regarding those details. 
The creator can create happiness in your heart :)

Offline HopeFaithLove

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2015, 09:49:16 PM »
I have a return story of sorts. I don't know the exact details but it's interesting none the less. One of my friends at works brother was married for 25 years. His wife was 49 and had a midlife crisis and took off with a younger man. Don't know his age. They ended up marrying. Were together for a couple years and she ended up getting diagnosed w breast cancer. He cleaned out their bank account and left. Her ex (my co workers brother) started helping her while she was going through treatment and such. Then their relationship bloomed again. They are now dating but are not re-married yet, but sounds like it is headed that way. My friend is mad at her brother because she doesn't want him to go back to her. Thinks she just came back because the other guy dumped her. But he never stopped loving her. Another friend who knows both parties and has spoken to the MLC wife after she was left by other man, says MLC said she spoke about not knowing what she was thinking and why she thought she would be happy with someone else.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor 13:13

Offline gimlan

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2015, 03:49:06 PM »
I am going to share a story that I saw on television yesterday night. Might not sound so interesting because it was on the television, but this was actually a Norweigan show about relationships, the concept being that couples would be assessed on their chances by two relationship councellors, based on some personality tests, interviews and observations of some tasks that were set up for them so that the relationship experts could observe how they interacted in different situations. The couple were in their late sixties or early seventies, both still active professionals. The woman had been married three times - the third time to this man, whom she had divorced due to his infidelity (I think repeated but not sure how much, they only said it happened more than once). Don't know about his previous marriages or long term relationships. Anyway, they had been separated for 3-4 years and then gotten together again. The separation had been tough, at least for the woman, and apparently there had been a few months during which time he was undecided, but they still lived together. After some time, she had ended it because the situation was too hard for her. She said she had never pictured them together again. Anyway, they were now back together, and their relationship had been transformed because they both now knew that a good relationship does not "come for free", so they made an effort to choose each other every day. From what I could see as a viewer, they did indeed seem to have a good relationship. The relationship experts judged that they stood very good chances to stay together, and complimented their interaction. It was a nice return story anyway. Not sure whether it was a midlife crisis, but could well have been.

Hugs & strength,

Gx
gimlan

Offline 1trouble

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #9 on: August 01, 2015, 03:00:45 PM »
Just one from me..

I was talking to a lady I often meet and we walk our dogs together.. this was a month or two back and this particular morning I was not coping well when I bumped into her.  SO whereas normally I paint on my "smiley" face I told her me and H were not together and mentioned something about MLC.  I said to her please don't thing this is about dressing younger and buying a Harley Davidson and she said no I completely understand because my friend's husband went through it.

She then told me about her friend.  Apparently her (friend's) husband's dad had died and then his friend committed suicide and then he went of the rails, he ended up moving in with his mum and had an affair.  His wife was very adamant that he stayed away until he sorted 'himself out' to protect their daughter.
After about 6-7 months he started talking to his wife and wanted to come back.  She insisted he went to counselling and just over a year he moved back.  She said things are not great but it is now 18 months later and they are getting there.
"I can't go back to yesterday I was a different person then"..............Alice in Wonderland

you NEVER know how strong you are, until being strong is the ONLY choice you have"

Offline Sha10613

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2015, 01:14:42 PM »
I just saw my acupuncturist, who said that her friend at work (46 years old) and her friend's bf are no longer together.   Apparently, the friend was the OW in this story, as her bf (now 56 years old) left his wife 6 years ago and moved in with her.  They had been dating and living together for 6 years.  Just recently, he said to her, 'I am leaving you and going back to my wife', packed his stuff, and moved back home.   I asked my acupuncturist whether her friend's ex-bf is still married to his wife, and she said that she thinks that they are divorced, but he referred to her as his 'wife'.

Also, a couple of years ago, my cousin's wife left him (they are both in their mid 30s so not sure if it is MLC), though I know she was acting peculiar during the time.  Anyway, my cousin wanted him back, but she wouldn't have it and they divorced; 3 or so years later she contacted him and asked for him back, he said no - he had already moved on.
The creator can create happiness in your heart :)

Offline Sha10613

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2015, 06:05:25 PM »
When it rains it pours... I just told my mom about what my acupuncturist told me and she said that she knew a man who left his W and 3 kids at 39 or 40 years old.  He left her for OW, got divorced, and married the OW + had a son with her; 7 years later he divorced the OW and remarried his wife. My mom did not know all of the details, but said, 'I guess a lot of people go though this?'. 7 years later? geez
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Offline patience.of.a.saint

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2015, 08:00:06 PM »
I worked with a woman many years ago who had divorced her H and then a few years later they got married again and lived happily ever after, until he died a few years back. I have no idea if it was MLC, but I suspect it could've been. They would've been the right age range.

Offline Songanddance

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #13 on: September 12, 2015, 11:59:12 PM »
I heard on a radio programme called I- PM which is where listeners can write in to the programme about a moment in their day. It has to be just a couple of sentences and they read out a whole load of them in the space of 5 minutes to give a snapshot of people's lives in that day.
The writer has to write in the first person  singular and it is read out that way.

This is the one that stuck in my mind.
"Today my partner of 18 years told me that he had enough of our relationship and has gone back to his wife who he left 33 YEARS ago. I am 76 and he is 77. "

Not quite sure what to make of that.  Is the H having a very late MLC - more likely that he had his MLC 33 years ago and it was never resolved and now he has returned.

The second story was this
"Today I returned to live the rest of my life with my first boyfriend. We both married other people and had families but our connection never dropped and is stronger than ever. I am so happy and we are getting married"   So is this a return or MLC?   

Crazy world!
BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017 through 2018.
2019 is the year of Decisions!

Offline NeverGiveUp1

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #14 on: September 13, 2015, 04:18:20 AM »
I was getting my hair done and chatting with the stylist a few weeks ago.

She told me how the father of her kids walked out on them when her boys were very young. Not sure if they were married. But he later married OW. Would show up with a brand new car but not be able to give her $60 for school supplies. Things like that. She told him you're making a mistake, your marriage is not going to last more than 5 years. Sure enough around the 5 year mark they got divorced and he wanted to come back! She told him no. He still wants her back and their kids are adults now. She wants nothing to do with him. Guess she wasn't a stander. lol.

Childhood sweethearts
Together 14 years, married 8
H 31 . Me 29 . D 3

2/13 BD #1 unhappy
7/13 BD #2 ilybnilwy
2/14 Left
3/14 Home
2/15 BD #3 unhappy, done, don't love you
3/15 Left

Boomerang
Standing

Offline ArmySpouse

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #15 on: September 22, 2015, 05:37:10 PM »
 So today I wanted to share a story about a woman  that lives in the elderly home I am volunteering at least twice a week .  I have just started last month and so I still get to know the people and the life's and the stores to have to share Little by little.

 Every day before I go I ask God to show me where I am needed most that day and who needs to be listened to and so I just go with the flow walk my rounds..

 So we were having a girls group conversation and all of them talked about how long they were married and talk about their spouses and so on.  one of the ladies there is 96 years old (just had her birthday 2 weeks ago) and she said she was 21 years married until her husband left her and their 4 children .. 
She said her oldest then was 15 and the youngest 7 years old . 
And I just said "oh my gosh that is what my husband is doing right now" and ask her how old she was ..she said she was 37 years old and her husband was in his early 40s ..  So it screams midlife crises !!  :o :o :o

 I'll ask her then if he ever came back and said he was sorry..? she said "yes, three years later he turned around and said he wanted to come back home but she said no you made your bed and have to lay in it".. She went on and got a job and took care of her 4 kids on her own.. Mind you that was 60 years ago!! So much harder to do when most women dependent on their husbands! That took some guts..

 I know that this form is about standing.. and I respect that... but that's not what I'm talking about what I got out from this was she said to me :

" take one day at a time ..you can do this! you will get out stronger and my four children love me and are very proud of me and how strong I was then,  I could take care of my kids all by myself ,I didn't need a man .. So just trust God ,the good Lord, he will see you through and everything will be OK .."


 I guess I needed that message and again I'm amazed that people still come forward to me and share their story.. mind you she was already the second lady in the nursing home whose husband has walked out on her .

 She said she never dated again but it's not that she didn't want to -it's just that she took care of her children and then by the time that they were old enough ,she felt she was too old to date again ..but she said she never minded she was happy .

 She said later to me that thank you for sharing my story with you and I said no I thank you From the bottom of my heart I do .

 She says her 4 children are very proud of her and don't really have any contact to their father .  And I asked about the husband if he was ever happy and she said honestly I don't know I never saw him again really .

 Bottom line is no matter what trust in God he will see you through and trust in yourself you can come out as a better person ..  :D
 
 That's why I wanted to hear because those stories a priceless and that means so much to me right now ...
Me 32 (German)
H 37 (American)
Married 2005
Bomb drop 05/05/2015
Signed legal separation (him pressuring) 09/01/2015
3 kids ages 9,7 & 5 years

Started EA - she gets him.
Due to location (international) only contact via whassapp, Skype etc. but pretty sure they found ways to see each other already
Talking about divorce since 08/24/2015


Moved  out June 12,2015

Offline Reallytrying

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #16 on: September 25, 2015, 06:04:48 AM »
Last Christmas I was buying my daughter a charm bracelet and there was the cutest "daddy's little girl" charm which would have been the first one I picked out if things had been different.  I picked out some other charms and was getting ready to check out when I just stopped suddenly and asked the lady to switch one to the daddy charm.  I was talking myself into it and I said out loud "It's the right thing to do" (all our gifts to our children continue to be joint gifts).  The lady looked at me like I was crazy so I just very simply said "My husband and I recently separated".  She launched into her story.  Her husband left when their 8 month old daughter died suddenly.  He was doing what mine does - comes and goes, is pleasant some days, withdrawn other.  She said he acted like that for over a year, then he began to improve for another 6 months or so before finally moving back home.  That was 5 years ago.

She kept saying "Just keep holding on - it will get better".

I so needed her that day and I think of her often.  I've even been back to the jewelry store but she no longer works there.

Offline sewing22

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Re: What's BOMB DROP for a Wallower??
« Reply #17 on: June 02, 2016, 04:43:11 PM »
RETURN STORY that I couldn't figure out how to post on "Return Stories."

1) Not mine of course, but I was talking to my brother a few days ago who reminded me that our own father left home for over a year to go live with the OW. Now, I remembered this, but I was 5 years old at the time and somehow believed it was for only a week or so. I never remembered him being gone for over a year. I even remember meeting the OW at some point and going over to their apartment. Jeez. But my brother confirmed that it was indeed over a year that he was gone, probably like 18 months. He did come back and never left again until 20 or so years later when he passed away.

2) I was talking to a friend of mine who casually slipped it in that his parents split up twice while he was growing up. The first time was when they were small kids--he said it was about 6 months or so. The second time his parents split up he was in high school and he remembers his dad being gone for over a year. My friend is now 49 years old and his parents are STILL married. I can tell you that they are a pretty happy couple!

3) my own wanting to return to my first h but not being able to because he was too angry with me. I would have returned after 2 years (I sat down the other night and made a pretty approximate timeline and I remember where I was at the 2 year mark after BD, and I would have returned if I thought it was an option. I remember even putting out some feelers at that point).

I am feeling optimistic today and wanted to share with everyone some positive stories!!
Jan 2014: first signs of MLC (suspected EA)
May 2014: h's mom dies--goes into deep depression
Sept 2014: D is born
Oct 2014: BD#1: ILYBNILWY
Feb 2015: BD#2: I want to leave
Oct 2015: BD#3: I'm leaving in Dec 2015
Dec 2015: BD#4: I'm leaving in Feb 2016
Mar 2016: I demand that h leaves and he finally does

Offline sada

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #18 on: June 04, 2016, 04:45:47 PM »
Thanks Sewing. MLC & the fallout from it of divorces & abandonment has been alive & flourishing all around us all our lives & we had no idea.  At least we can thank God that we have modern technology to help us gain knowledge & awareness as well as support. 
Sada
Me - 57
H - 56
Married 13 years, together 23
Apr 2014: PA discovered, ow 22 yrs younger
May 2014: "I love her & she loves me"
("But I'll always love you the most")
Jun 2014: Left home to live w OW
Aug 2014: Back home. "Sorry, made mistakes".
Late 2015: Ow2 (a couple of dates I think). Monster
  returned for several months 
Early 2016: Health scare, including major surgery, resulting in fog lifting some more.
Today: H progressing thru mlc positively.Mostly cooked, has remained home and reconciling
Arguments & disagreements very infrequent
Enjoying our time together

Offline speed racer

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #19 on: August 19, 2016, 07:59:34 AM »
Hi Everyone,

I am currently being divorced from my wife of 27 years. I have always
loved her and have been proud to be her husband. She was also my best friend.
Up until her MLC, she was an awesome and loving mother and wife.  Once MLC hit her,
She said things to the kids and myself that was just plain bazaar. Things she would never
do or say before.

I don’t know if there is a OM, but there are many signs and coincedences.

Here is why I have hope:

We have a son and daughter.  My son is 18 now.
When I was his age, my parents went through the hell because of an affair.
At the time, I didn’t know what was going on, I just thought my parents we’re fighting.  I remember the intensity and anxiousness of my father (who with good reason) was all over the place.  I understand this now.  I think I was in my late 20’s that an uncle of told me what really happened.

My parents never fought.  Both were loving parents and we had a large extended loving family.
(Grandparents, uncles, aunts, 2nd and 3rd cousins - All loving people)
My father found out that my mother had been having an affair with her boss.

(I think my wife got bored and her boss was pretty well off - and married mind you.)
I remember answering the phone and her boss would ask for her.
I just thought it was work related and didn’t even give it a second thought.

I don’t know how long the affair was, I don’t know any of the details on how my parents worked through it. I don’t remember them going to counceling.

I am glad they worked though it.  It has been over 30 years now since it happened. They have been married 54 years.

I have always been proud that my father was strong enough to forgive my mother.
I have always been proud of my mother in the fact that she never again hurt my father as she did.
They have been inseperable since.

I know there are folks on this site that say “your marriage is over, get on with yourself”
“forget her and do things you want to do”

I’m sorry, I’ve always done what I wanted to do. I never missed out on anything because of my marriage.
Nor did my wife.  OK - I guess you could say “did you travel and see the world?”  Sorry, that could have
easily been done together - so in my mind, that don’t count.

Anyway, the reason I don’t want to give up hope, is that my parents are a shining examples (to me) that marriages
do go through ups and downs.  They have exciting and boring moments - and they can definitely be saved.
My parents are going through the final stages of life together - happily and I am very glad they both
made the decision to do so.

Cheers everyone.
Speed

Offline speed racer

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #20 on: August 19, 2016, 08:06:27 AM »
This line from my story about was wrong:
(I think my wife got bored and her boss was pretty well off - and married mind you.)

It should been my mother, not my wife.....

Sorry -

Speed

Offline BrenM

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #21 on: May 07, 2017, 09:17:44 PM »
Last return story was Aug 2016......surely this can't be correct?  Anyone got any stories to Share? 
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #22 on: May 08, 2017, 07:25:36 PM »
My teacher that I work with had some sort of crisis when she was in her late 30's.  She left her teenage son with her H and moved out with her teenage daughter.  She had been talking to an old high school sweetheart in another State.  They got a D and she ended up marrying her high school sweetheart.  It lasted a very short time, and I don't believe they ever ended up living together, as he didn't move from his State.  She got an annulment and she and her former H reconciled.  They have never remarried, but the 4 of them are all back in the family home and things have been good for about 5 years now.  When she talks about that crazy time she has a lot of awareness, so I don't know that hers was MLC or just a MLT or what.

Someone else I was talking to, pretty sure IRL was telling me that her dad gave her mom the ILYBNILWY speech and they ended up living with her grandma for several years.  And then her dad and mom reconciled.
M-41
H-43
S-19
D-17
S-14
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Has several dating profiles on POF and another but no major signs of anything new.

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline MsKi

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #23 on: May 17, 2017, 12:37:48 PM »
I have a couple:

*A friend of my H had left his wife of many years for OW.  They moved in together and he was planning a D.  After a month, he decided he couldn't do it and broke it off and a few weeks later, went home to his wife.

*A friend of mine was divorced last April and is now in very early stages of reconciliation with her H.  He had moved out of state and they are now looking for places for her to move to be closer to him so that they can start really working on things. 
Together for 23 years, Married for almost 14 years.
Me:  42, H:  44 
Never blessed with human children but we have 3 rescued dogs who are like family.
Bomb dropped in Oct., 2015

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11

Offline dumbfounded2

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #24 on: May 30, 2017, 02:12:17 PM »
My H and I recently reconciled after 6 years of MLC.  The story script is all the same, the message to LBS is clear....detach emotionally, live your best life and try to not engage with the angry MLCer.....I followed some very good advice from his forum and after what felt like forever, my H came home last August.  Our relationship is better than it ever was prior to MLC....he is more aware of his own emotions, communicates clearly and shows me his love and commitment daily.  For anyone questioning themselves, you must make the commitment to your self in that you will not be prodded into the MLC turmoil....as they will do things that will make your head spin, and live your life "As IF" until you find your new normal.  It is also true that the MLCer does not remember many of the stupid, silly things they do, but the LBS will remember (an area I deal with in forgiving and living life forward).  The MLCer does not grovel and beg, although they are clearly aware of the precious family and/or spouse that they sacrificed during their craziness.  I wish the best for all LBS and will be happy to answer any questions.

Offline ChrissYAH

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #25 on: June 12, 2017, 08:08:48 AM »
My (x) husband is planning on marrying the wh0r^, so I'm done hoping, I don't think I could ever face him again anyway after everything he's put our kids and me through.  My question is if he does marry the carousel, what will his reaction be if he ever does come through the tunnel or maybe he will be forced to come through it sooner than later if he marries her.

Offline Milly

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #26 on: June 18, 2017, 03:51:23 PM »
Attaching DF. Your advice is spot on. I am listening.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline Never say never

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #27 on: June 26, 2017, 06:05:38 PM »
Attaching also, DF.  Please share more with us.  It inspires us.

Offline Whyus

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #28 on: June 30, 2017, 05:18:42 AM »
I thought i would share this with you good people...
i was walking through the cantine at work 3 weeks ago and a colleague (also a musician friend who knows W) asked me how i lost so much weight.
I said "Ive been wtching what I at, I work out, I ride Mountain bike and W left me in January". He said "Sit down". I sat and he spoke.

3 years ago his W(was 44) started acting strange. She became distant, started wearing younger clothes and listening to Punk music!!! He (52ish) asked after a while what was wrong and she said that she had met somebody (also 44) and she was leaving him.
He was obviously shocked. He felt something was off and battered the internet and read books etc.
 After a few weeks he said he would move out because he couldnt take it anymore. He offered her the house and wanted to look for a small flat. She refused because she wanted a flat and not the house.
They eventually found her a flat and she moved out. A few weeks later he invited her for a meal. she refused. He said you owe me at least one more evening out so she accepted.
After they had ordered he told her that he accepts that she has left and is with somebody else but he wants absolutely nothing more to do with her. No friends, nothing. Only contact would be concerning the kids.
She cried and left (before the food came).
A few Weeks later she went to the house, had a mini breakdown, apologized and said she wants to come home. He said you can come home but only if we get professional help. she agreed.
At the first meeting the therapist said that the marriage was fine but she was going through a MLC and explained what that meant for her.
It broke her heart but they worked it out together. She is still in crisis but its manageable because they both know whats going on. Now she is home again and the relationship is better than ever. They kept the flat as it was in the city and sometimes stay there on weekends. Sometimes he will go there for an evening alone and sometimes she will.
That way they both get a "Time out" now and again. He did add that he doesnt know who the OM is and if he were to find out he would break his neck  :-\

Hes the force behind my phonecall to W last week! He showed me the way forward. Im not expecting the same result but it made sence to me.

It doesnt ALWAYS have to take 6 years, it can pass quicker.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline xyzcf

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #29 on: July 02, 2017, 06:58:56 AM »
I had dinner last night with a new friend. She was married for 17 years, had 2 kids when her husband lost interest in her and the family, bought a sportscar, was interested in other women and moved several states away. When she suggested she move there to be with him, he told her no..things were just fine as they were.

She knew very well the pathology of MLC.

Fast forward to 5 years later. He had retired from his position in the military and called her out of the blue one day to say that he was moving back to their home state and wished to come back home.

My friend had to break the news to him that she was getting married and that his return was no longer an option. He seemed shocked by this revelation and we talked about how they seem to think that we will always be there when they come to their senses.

Her second marriage lasted 30 years and her spouse just passed away a year ago. She never regretted her decision. Her first husband married a women who is in her 4 th marriage...his kids don't like her..as they have told their mom he "settled".

So often it has been said that the LBS will be the one to have the final say. We are indeed in control of our lives and the choices that we make.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Offline ChrissYAH

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #30 on: July 10, 2017, 07:49:57 PM »
My H and I recently reconciled after 6 years of MLC.  The story script is all the same, the message to LBS is clear....detach emotionally, live your best life and try to not engage with the angry MLCer.....I followed some very good advice from his forum and after what felt like forever, my H came home last August.  Our relationship is better than it ever was prior to MLC....he is more aware of his own emotions, communicates clearly and shows me his love and commitment daily.  For anyone questioning themselves, you must make the commitment to your self in that you will not be prodded into the MLC turmoil....as they will do things that will make your head spin, and live your life "As IF" until you find your new normal.  It is also true that the MLCer does not remember many of the stupid, silly things they do, but the LBS will remember (an area I deal with in forgiving and living life forward).  The MLCer does not grovel and beg, although they are clearly aware of the precious family and/or spouse that they sacrificed during their craziness.  I wish the best for all LBS and will be happy to answer any questions.


They don't 'remember'??? I think thats just a cop out.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2017, 01:30:19 AM by OldPilot »

Offline Songanddance

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #31 on: July 11, 2017, 02:48:42 AM »
Quote
They don't 'remember'??? I think thats just a cop out

It may seem that way but it is true to a considerable degree.  All of the reconcilers on here seem to have that in their threads.

BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017 through 2018.
2019 is the year of Decisions!

Offline Songanddance

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #32 on: July 11, 2017, 04:05:18 PM »
This is a return story that doesn't have a happy ending for the MLCer. I heard it off a newish friend who was describing the antics of her next door neighbour of some years ago. 

Apparently (this happened over 10 years ago) he wrote his wife of 30+ years a letter telling her that the following morning a van would arrive and take all the furniture that he had marked with an X.  He was leaving and never coming back.  She checked the furniture and nothing until she lifted a chair up and sure enough under every piece of furniture he had marked a black inked X.  She had no idea when he had done this.
The van arrived and duly took the furniture no matter what she said or did. He had a court order!   
This was completely out of the blue and if course what did she discover? A much younger OW!  He moved in with her and started d proceedings.   She was naturally devastated.

6 months later - he turns up again - dishevelled and dirty, tells her he made a big mistake and he wants back in.  She refused and continued to refuse for some months.  As the divorce was looming her children, who were grown by then, bought him out of his half of the house and ensured that their mother continued to live there for the rest of her life. This neighbour is now in her 80s and has recently moved out, but she never saw her H again.  He vanished and she had no idea whether he was even still alive.

So it's not a return per so but it could have been and if nothing else, she gained from it and he lost everything. What I wonder at is the marking the bottom of the furniture with an X - we know MLC does strange things but that has to be one of the weirdest!

When my friend told me this and commented on how crazy it was, I just laughed and said - " No - not in my experience"  She is still a new friend and was somewhat baffled by my response but I didn't want to bore her...... but you all know what was it was !!   
BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017 through 2018.
2019 is the year of Decisions!

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #33 on: July 11, 2017, 04:11:59 PM »
Oh goodness S&D, that is bizarre.

My brother recently remarried a couple that had been divorced for 20 years.  I don't have any of the details, but so far he says that is his longest years apart remarriage that he has ever done.
M-41
H-43
S-19
D-17
S-14
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Has several dating profiles on POF and another but no major signs of anything new.

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline Whyus

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #34 on: August 10, 2017, 02:12:56 AM »
W has 2 very old girl friends, they go back nearly 30 years. GF1 and GF2.
Both are the same age as W got married about the same and both have 2 kids in a similar age to our 2 Boys.
S19 has been together with the D of GF1 for over 2 years.....
We were good friends with both pairs even though sometimes a couple of years passed without contact.

GF2 left her H 2,5 years ago. They were on holiday and on the last evening they both went for a meal without the kids and spent quality time to together before flying home.
When they got home, her H made coffee and they were sat on the porch. She coolly said "H, im leaving you, ive found somebody else but I didnt want to ruin your Holiday". He was totally blindsided.. We can all identify with what she said :-)

When W found out she was furious, she drove to GF1 a slagged GF2 off for hours!!! "how could she do that"..."$l()t"..."never thought it would happen to them".....  strange how she became something she really hated herself!!!!

GF2 moved in with OM and left him 6 months later... She was single for a while and then had OM2. A couple of months ago she got diagnozid with Cancer. 4 weeks later she came home, probably for the wrong reasons but it was a wake up call which made her realize the advantages of being Married and having somebody at her side.

Her H didnt date the whole time, he just wasn't interested. I hope it goes well for him (not fussed about her to be honest) because hes a great guy (as seem to be all LBSs).

I informed W and she just said "thats nice, im happy for them"..
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline BrenM

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #35 on: September 08, 2017, 05:36:30 AM »
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2735806&page=3

 Freckle6

#2735806 - 03/23/17 06:31 PM
I thought about this place today and decided to see if it still existed and found my last thread here. Since my original threads seem to not be here anymore, I will give a brief (who am I kidding, probably not so brief...) background. Good thing the pertinent dates are in my old sig because it's been so long now I might not exactly have remembered them.

We married at 26 years old in 1999. We consciously decided to have a baby and our son was born in June 2004. During my pregnancy, I noticed my husband being distant and just off, but chalked it up to nerves at impending parenthood and me probably being an overly sensitive pregnant woman. 6 weeks after our son was born I got the bomb and was devastated and shell-shocked. Ater 10 months of walking on eggshells and not knowing which way was up, he told me on my 31st birthday that he was moving out and moved out on my very first mother's day.

Back then I felt he was more a WAH and not MLC. There was no OW, he was just panicked and bolted. Lots of rewriting history--we had been together from the time we were 20 and knew each other from when we were 12. My opinion, then and now, was that he had an "oh, [censored], I'm going to be a father" crisis. I DB'ed my butt off and I credit it for making me behave in a way where I regret not a single thing or how I handled it all. I stayed above any drama, I didn't lash out at him, and I acted "as if" like my life depended on it.

Of course, like most, none of it worked. He waffled back and forth in the beginning for a bit but eventually retreated. This board helped me keep my sanity through it all. Just knowing I wasn't the only one out there in pain and with a life I didn't recognize anymore helped so much. I also had so much support from my in-laws and I will be forever thankful to them and owe them more than I can ever repay. My MIL died in 2011 and I miss her every day. The one thing I stuck to was that I refused to file for D. He wanted it, he could pay for it and initiate it. In our lives I always handled this sort of "important" stuff, so it was time for him to take over for himself. He finally got around to filing in March of 2008, almost 3 years after we separated. I had gotten a formal support order through our County years before to protect us both and thankfully he was one of the good ex guys and never fought me on support and kept up visitation like clockwork with our son. Through him I eventually heard that Daddy had a "friend", but by that time I was doing ok. I had no interest in dating, but had gotten to the point where I was really happy in my own little life. There was a lot of ups and downs until that point, but time really does heal the wounds.

In the Summer of 2009 out of the blue he called me one night and was talking about his job and just the tone of his voice was the man I knew, who had been unlike the man I had dealt with for the past 4 years. He invited me to go on a day trip with him and our son to the Bronx Zoo on a charter bus. I accepted, hesitantly, but went because I didn't get to do a lot of things like that with our son and didn't want to miss the experience with him. It was a strange, platonic thing and was very uncomfortable for me, to say the least. We also took our son to July 4th fireworks another time, still with the awkward platonic thing going on. In retrospect, I think he was feeling me out.

We started chatting a bit on IM and I think he eventually came out and said he missed me in November of 2009. And my feelings came rushing back for him. We took things very slow and basically "dated". The judge finally signed off on our divorce in January 2010 while we had started piecing. In a way, it was fitting and didn't bother me in the least.
The old marriage was truly dead and buried. We had been separated for 4 and a half years.

At the time the song Far Away by Nickelback (who has since become the most hated band on the internet...) was out and he told me the words fit perfectly. It choked me up then and continues to today.

This time, this place misused, mistakes
Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?
Just one chance, just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know you know, you know
That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all I'd give for us
Give anything, but I won't give up
'Cause you know you know, you know
That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
So far away, so far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away, so far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted, I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed, I need to hear you say
That I love you, I have loved you all along
And I forgive you, for being away for far too long
So keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it, hold on to me and
Never let me go, keep breathing
Hold on to me and never let me go (Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and never let me go

Like I said, we took things very slow. I was in no way ready to rush into anything with him. In fact, I made him take the lead on how fast it went. We chatted on the computer or texted (with old flip phones!) almost daily and spent weekends together at my (our) house or his apartment. This went on for about 9 months and I made it a point to never bring up him moving back. He started to hint at it and I just played cool and made him eventually come out and bring it up himself. He moved back September 2010, 5 years and 5 months after he moved out.

A little over a year later we hit the biggest rough spot in that I unexpectedly became pregnant. It definitely was not in the plans and I was terrified we'd have a repeat of last time. The "oh, sh1t" moment we each had eventually passed and we came through with another beautiful son, 8 years after our first was born. He was the happiest baby and adored by the three of us from the moment he was born.

He's been back for over 6 years now. Longer than we were married pre-bomb and longer than we were separated. There, of course, have been ups and downs. And even more so, there are some scars, at least as far as I'm concerned, that will always remain. I have no desire to ever remarry him. It was a piece of paper and it didn't keep him here before and I'm smarter now to know that it won't necessarily keep him here again. I refer to him as my husband in certain situations. I don't know if it'll be forever, but I learned that you can never be promised forever anyway.

I hope everyone here finds peace and happiness. No matter how awful it is right now, it will get better. It happens slow, until one day you realize that the time between your darkest moments goes from hours to days, to weeks, and so on. And sometimes it backslides but you dust off faster and get on with it again.
_________________________
Me38,H:38,S:7
Married:6/99
Bomb:7/04
Sep.:5/05
D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10
Piecing:11/09
H moved back:09/10
Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
« Last Edit: September 08, 2017, 05:40:32 AM by Brenross »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline Confused dad

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #36 on: September 15, 2017, 05:39:49 AM »
I found out about a return story last night. Don't know all the details but will tell you what i know.
My  friend ( we slowly lost contact after we quit working together) and I used to work together for 10 years. In the furniture business on the operations end.  We started a sideline business together that lasted about 8 years where we both did very well.  2008 came and everything fell apart with our core business and the sideline.
He had no money he had not saved any. I had saved lots. His wife was burning though it.  Don't know all the details but heard she had possibly been drugging(cocaine?) and that she was hooking up with their sons friend who was 20 years younger.  They ended up losing the house to foreclosure and splitting up/ divorced around 2010.
I heard last night they were back together. Again I don't know the details but hey we're split up for 7-8 years and got back together.
I didn't know much about  mlc back then and don't know for sure that is what it was but it sure sounds like it. 
She inflicted a lot of pain and damage to him I know. It was ugly. I only told the little bit I know. I'm sure a lot more went on.
But apparently they are doing well now.
Wife moved upstairs summer of 2015
BD #1 July 2016 Said she was done( right after I told her I was 100% committed to doing the work on my end to fix our marriage)  she did not leave, things actually improved some  over the winter then she pulls away again

BD # 2 July 2017 says she wants to sell house and go our seperate ways. Wants her freedom. She is unhappy and thinks it is because of me.
EA or FA discovered July 2017. She searches her astrology sign and his almost daily. 
PA confirmed 10-8-17. Had been going on sporadically since summer of 2016
She is very active with kids but has blowups quite often.  She's acting like a teenager so maybe she relates well to them.
D-14
D-12
Married 17 years together for 20
I'm standing but am about to explode.

Offline Songanddance

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #37 on: March 14, 2018, 01:57:51 AM »
It's not a return story per se but read on.

I met a friend recently whose first husband walked out on her 30 years ago - all the symptoms of MLC. He vanished for a while but she moved on after a few years and has a second long term partner.
She told me that her first H phoned her up a few weeks ago and sobbed down the phone apologising over and over again for all he had done and that he knew the moment he walked out it was a mistake. He said that he regretted everything he had done since then and that he had a moment of utter madness to leave her and felt as though he was in a fog living another life.

She said "Thank you for your apology - take care and see you around!"

So 30 yrs is way too long obviously but it suggests as do many other stories on here that the memory of BD clearly never leaves the MLCer and clearly fills their lives with guilt and anguish even if they vanish!
BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017 through 2018.
2019 is the year of Decisions!

Offline Whyus

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #38 on: March 15, 2018, 05:41:44 AM »
It's not a return story per se but read on.

I met a friend recently whose first husband walked out on her 30 years ago - all the symptoms of MLC. He vanished for a while but she moved on after a few years and has a second long term partner.
She told me that her first H phoned her up a few weeks ago and sobbed down the phone apologising over and over again for all he had done and that he knew the moment he walked out it was a mistake. He said that he regretted everything he had done since then and that he had a moment of utter madness to leave her and felt as though he was in a fog living another life.

She said "Thank you for your apology - take care and see you around!"

So 30 yrs is way too long obviously but it suggests as do many other stories on here that the memory of BD clearly never leaves the MLCer and clearly fills their lives with guilt and anguish even if they vanish!

30years of hurt and pain.. Doesnt Sound like paradise to me. im glad that your friend gave him the answer he deserved. Hopefully he felt a Little better for getting it off his chest...
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. Is tolerated by LaFamiglia
2 Sons - 20 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline OldPilot

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #39 on: March 15, 2018, 07:30:53 AM »
She said "Thank you for your apology - take care and see you around!"
Well I always say that the LBS gets to decide in the end - and if you have not yet gotten to decide it is not yet the end!

I guess this proves my point!

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #40 on: March 17, 2018, 10:38:51 AM »
Hopefully he can now allow himself to fully heal and to build a life worth living, despite not being with her in the end.
M-41
H-43
S-19
D-17
S-14
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Has several dating profiles on POF and another but no major signs of anything new.

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline turtleduck99

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #41 on: January 02, 2019, 09:40:47 PM »
I have a story, one told from the MLCer.
On the occasion of playing a concert, one of my band mates and I were talking.  Got on the subject of the stress of my D, and how my H was in MLC.
She asked me if I had had a crisis to which I said no.
Her response, "I have, and it's REAl".
I asked if she would talk about what she felt and what she went through.  She admitted to not remembering a lot about what she did during the 2 years after bomb drop.
She said that one day she awoke, and her thinking was so confused, fuzzy like.  She said she had these thoughts to do things that she knew was
wrong, but she had this strong desire to act on those thoughts.  She said that there was a lot of guilt, but couldn't stop.  She was in an emotional affair, even her young children, at the time, would tell her that this guy she met was more than a friend, no matter what she said. 
She likened her feelings toward her husband being like that of having McDonald's every day.  She was tired of McDonald's and wanted to have Steak or lobster.... It was a need for something different in the hopes it would be better.  She talked about how her head/thinking was always cloudy, never clear thoughts.
One day her affair partner broke it off, about two years in.... At that point she could see clearly, her thoughts cleared and she could see that she had issues to work on from her childhood.  She said that she emidiatly could see that if she had stayed with the OM it would have been toxic.

She pointed out that her husband had prayed daily and had asked others to pray.  They were on the verge of divorce but began working on their marriage.  She told me it was about three years of working on things but they are stronger now and much more happy.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
-Robert Frost

Offline Stand Tall

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #42 on: January 07, 2019, 07:50:17 PM »
Hi,

  I was BD'd 10 months ago. At the time I had never heard of MLC's, but my H friends kept asking me if he could be in one because of the way he was acting while with them. One day one of those friends, while at the same campgrounds for the weekend, stopped me as I drove around the park and asked me what I wanted from my H. This was 2 months after BD. I told him that I wanted my marriage. He told me ok then you need to go home and don't contact him anymore. Then he proceeded to tell me that he and his wife have just started dating again, that the om was long gone and they were trying to work things out. At the time I was clueless as to what he was telling me. I have been looking at his Fb page off and on over the past 10 months to see if there are any signs. There hasn't been anything until two days ago when I looked. There are now pictures of the two of them with their grown children and grandson. They look very happy together. They were seperated for about two years.

  I had another woman from our circle of friends come and tell me that when her boys were about 8 and 10 her H had had an A and left them and moved 4 states away with the ow. Her S8 was very attached to his D and was very upset for the two years that he was gone. One day out of the blue she got a call from him asking if he could come home. She said that she didn't want him back, but her son threw a fit so she gave in and let him come home. She didn't talk to him for a year. She slowly came around to letting him back in her life. Her S's are now in their late 30's and the two of them are still together. She told me to be patient and that my H will come back.

  Here's another great story. On New years eve while out with some of H and my friends I got to talking with one of the woman. She asked me a few questions about my H. I told her that he has issues to work on and asked if she knew what a MLC was. She said yes and pointed at her H. I was surprised, I had no idea. She said it was 10 years ago and it was a bad one. I asked if he had an A and she said yes. Like my H her's never monstered at her either. Her H was gone just under two years. This past July they got married after being together for 20 years. She said his MLC is why it took so long to get married. They are so much in love with each other and he looks at her with such passion in his eyes. I told her that I had heard that the new relationship is better then it was before. She said it truly is and in the end it made it all worth it. She also told me that the people in H club are just waiting for this to pass. They don't like the ow and don't talk to her. They say she is weird.

  After 10 months of this and very little contact from my ol friends from my H club I have been starting to get a few calls and messages from some of the women. They say they are tired of not being allowed to talk with me and they want to start being friends again. This is a very close and closed club. H wanted me gone in the beginning and so my friends were told to stay out of things. I can feel the change in the air.

  These stories have given me so much encouragement in my stand. The last story lifted me up so high. I got a small glimpse into his world. It makes me feel so good to know that they all have high hopes for our reconciliation. I will just keep on keeping on with my GAL with a smile on my face.

-Stand
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

Offline Nas

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #43 on: January 08, 2019, 03:30:25 AM »
All of these stories, like most return stories, involve spouses who were gone two years or less. Makes me wonder if there are any known stories of returns after 5 years or more.

I’m not standing ever since he disappeared when I got cancer. But I do still get a weird feeling of discouragement when every reconnection/reconciliation/return story involves much shorter timelines than most of what we see here. There are thousands of registered users on HS, probably a couple hundred active or semi-active users, and the majority seem to have spouses who have been gone over 3 years, many well over three years.

So for most, 2 years sounds like a blip on the radar and returns within that time make me wonder if they are MLTs or even non-MLC affairs.
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #44 on: January 08, 2019, 09:28:26 PM »
I'm not sure if this has been posted by Lysa Terkeurst has remarried her H.  Her M was falling apart about the same time as mine in late 2015/early 2016.  She has recently written a book called "It's Not Supposed To Be This Way."  I'm hoping to read it soon.  A lot of her postings at the time my M was falling apart really spoke to me.  I didn't realize it was because her M was falling part too until much later, and then she had announced that she was seeking a divorce.
M-41
H-43
S-19
D-17
S-14
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Has several dating profiles on POF and another but no major signs of anything new.

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline engagewithlove

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #45 on: January 08, 2019, 11:49:51 PM »
I have a story, one told from the MLCer.
On the occasion of playing a concert, one of my band mates and I were talking.  Got on the subject of the stress of my D, and how my H was in MLC.
She asked me if I had had a crisis to which I said no.
Her response, "I have, and it's REAl".
I asked if she would talk about what she felt and what she went through.  She admitted to not remembering a lot about what she did during the 2 years after bomb drop.
She said that one day she awoke, and her thinking was so confused, fuzzy like.  She said she had these thoughts to do things that she knew was
wrong, but she had this strong desire to act on those thoughts.  She said that there was a lot of guilt, but couldn't stop.  She was in an emotional affair, even her young children, at the time, would tell her that this guy she met was more than a friend, no matter what she said. 
She likened her feelings toward her husband being like that of having McDonald's every day.  She was tired of McDonald's and wanted to have Steak or lobster.... It was a need for something different in the hopes it would be better.  She talked about how her head/thinking was always cloudy, never clear thoughts.
One day her affair partner broke it off, about two years in.... At that point she could see clearly, her thoughts cleared and she could see that she had issues to work on from her childhood.  She said that she emidiatly could see that if she had stayed with the OM it would have been toxic.

She pointed out that her husband had prayed daily and had asked others to pray.  They were on the verge of divorce but began working on their marriage.  She told me it was about three years of working on things but they are stronger now and much more happy.

I'd like to think the MLCer is tired of having lobster all the time so tries McDonalds for a change...then wakes up realise that fast food leaves you with indigestion and a bad aftertaste
At BD married 22.5 yrs, M 44, H 48
D14, S12, S9
miniBD1 Aug 2016 'not sure I want to be here'
BD2 29 Jan 2017 ilybinilwy, moved out 3 Mar 2017
Financially separated 5 Sept 2017, house sold Dec 3 2017
D final Sept 2018

Offline Grady

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #46 on: May 09, 2019, 11:29:47 AM »
I guess I have my own return story.  H's MLC  started in 2014 with OW.  I found out in 2015 and we tried working on things but it was one sided and he moved out for 2 years.  OW got pregnant when he left.  He moved back home in 2017.  During the time he was away, we were in contact and started separation papers, but neither one of us wanted to go further.  OW is a nightmare...complete narcissist who only had S to keep H around.  Very emotionally abusive.  Since he's been home, abuse and contact with OW still continues.  H has been in a lot of therapy and has been working on issues stemming from childhood, but it is not a walk in the park.  He fights recovery every step of the way because it's so hard.  H is quick to have excuses and is the maturity of a young child.  OW left him penniless, unemployed and in a ton of debt.  H is having a really hard time climbing out.  Steps forward and then steps back.  H is permanently connected to OW because of S.  We are dealing with custody right now as OW threatens to commit suicide before letting S be around me because I'm the "monster" who wouldn't just divorce my H and let her use and abuse him.  Right now, OW controls H's access to S and only allows him to be with S if she is with them (complete contempt of court order).  It's been awful.  So, even though they return, the journey is far from over.  We have good days and bad days.  H takes a lot out on me.  Our three D's are so happy to have him home but they know H is sick and acts more like a friend than a father to them.  I'm glad H is home, but I long to be treated the way he used to treat me before MLC...with respect and care and love.  I am hopeful he can recover fully.  I know he wants to, but he's absolutely terrified at the same time. 

My stats:
Me - 45
H - 46
M - 20 years (together 23)
D - 14,14,11
SS - 3

Offline Milly

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #47 on: May 09, 2019, 12:50:10 PM »
Grady, thank you for coming to tell us about your H's returning and the complications that he brings back into your family. Wishing you well.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

 

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