[Sha10613]

I just saw my acupuncturist, who said that her friend at work (46 years old) and her friend's bf are no longer together.   Apparently, the friend was the OW in this story, as her bf (now 56 years old) left his wife 6 years ago and moved in with her.  They had been dating and living together for 6 years.  Just recently, he said to her, 'I am leaving you and going back to my wife', packed his stuff, and moved back home.   I asked my acupuncturist whether her friend's ex-bf is still married to his wife, and she said that she thinks that they are divorced, but he referred to her as his 'wife'.

Also, a couple of years ago, my cousin's wife left him (they are both in their mid 30s so not sure if it is MLC), though I know she was acting peculiar during the time.  Anyway, my cousin wanted him back, but she wouldn't have it and they divorced; 3 or so years later she contacted him and asked for him back, he said no - he had already moved on.

[Sha10613]

When it rains it pours... I just told my mom about what my acupuncturist told me and she said that she knew a man who left his W and 3 kids at 39 or 40 years old.  He left her for OW, got divorced, and married the OW + had a son with her; 7 years later he divorced the OW and remarried his wife. My mom did not know all of the details, but said, 'I guess a lot of people go though this?'. 7 years later? geez

[patience.of.a.saint]

I worked with a woman many years ago who had divorced her H and then a few years later they got married again and lived happily ever after, until he died a few years back. I have no idea if it was MLC, but I suspect it could've been. They would've been the right age range.

[Songanddance]

I heard on a radio programme called I- PM which is where listeners can write in to the programme about a moment in their day. It has to be just a couple of sentences and they read out a whole load of them in the space of 5 minutes to give a snapshot of people's lives in that day.
The writer has to write in the first person  singular and it is read out that way.

This is the one that stuck in my mind.
"Today my partner of 18 years told me that he had enough of our relationship and has gone back to his wife who he left 33 YEARS ago. I am 76 and he is 77. "

Not quite sure what to make of that.  Is the H having a very late MLC - more likely that he had his MLC 33 years ago and it was never resolved and now he has returned.

The second story was this
"Today I returned to live the rest of my life with my first boyfriend. We both married other people and had families but our connection never dropped and is stronger than ever. I am so happy and we are getting married"   So is this a return or MLC?   

Crazy world!

[NeverGiveUp1]

I was getting my hair done and chatting with the stylist a few weeks ago.

She told me how the father of her kids walked out on them when her boys were very young. Not sure if they were married. But he later married OW. Would show up with a brand new car but not be able to give her $60 for school supplies. Things like that. She told him you're making a mistake, your marriage is not going to last more than 5 years. Sure enough around the 5 year mark they got divorced and he wanted to come back! She told him no. He still wants her back and their kids are adults now. She wants nothing to do with him. Guess she wasn't a stander. lol.

[ArmySpouse]

 So today I wanted to share a story about a woman  that lives in the elderly home I am volunteering at least twice a week .  I have just started last month and so I still get to know the people and the life's and the stores to have to share Little by little.

 Every day before I go I ask God to show me where I am needed most that day and who needs to be listened to and so I just go with the flow walk my rounds..

 So we were having a girls group conversation and all of them talked about how long they were married and talk about their spouses and so on.  one of the ladies there is 96 years old (just had her birthday 2 weeks ago) and she said she was 21 years married until her husband left her and their 4 children .. 
She said her oldest then was 15 and the youngest 7 years old . 
And I just said "oh my gosh that is what my husband is doing right now" and ask her how old she was ..she said she was 37 years old and her husband was in his early 40s ..  So it screams midlife crises !! 

 I'll ask her then if he ever came back and said he was sorry..? she said "yes, three years later he turned around and said he wanted to come back home but she said no you made your bed and have to lay in it".. She went on and got a job and took care of her 4 kids on her own.. Mind you that was 60 years ago!! So much harder to do when most women dependent on their husbands! That took some guts..

 I know that this form is about standing.. and I respect that... but that's not what I'm talking about what I got out from this was she said to me :

" take one day at a time ..you can do this! you will get out stronger and my four children love me and are very proud of me and how strong I was then,  I could take care of my kids all by myself ,I didn't need a man .. So just trust God ,the good Lord, he will see you through and everything will be OK .."


 I guess I needed that message and again I'm amazed that people still come forward to me and share their story.. mind you she was already the second lady in the nursing home whose husband has walked out on her .

 She said she never dated again but it's not that she didn't want to -it's just that she took care of her children and then by the time that they were old enough ,she felt she was too old to date again ..but she said she never minded she was happy .

 She said later to me that thank you for sharing my story with you and I said no I thank you From the bottom of my heart I do .

 She says her 4 children are very proud of her and don't really have any contact to their father .  And I asked about the husband if he was ever happy and she said honestly I don't know I never saw him again really .

 Bottom line is no matter what trust in God he will see you through and trust in yourself you can come out as a better person .. 
 
 That's why I wanted to hear because those stories a priceless and that means so much to me right now ...

[Reallytrying]

Last Christmas I was buying my daughter a charm bracelet and there was the cutest "daddy's little girl" charm which would have been the first one I picked out if things had been different.  I picked out some other charms and was getting ready to check out when I just stopped suddenly and asked the lady to switch one to the daddy charm.  I was talking myself into it and I said out loud "It's the right thing to do" (all our gifts to our children continue to be joint gifts).  The lady looked at me like I was crazy so I just very simply said "My husband and I recently separated".  She launched into her story.  Her husband left when their 8 month old daughter died suddenly.  He was doing what mine does - comes and goes, is pleasant some days, withdrawn other.  She said he acted like that for over a year, then he began to improve for another 6 months or so before finally moving back home.  That was 5 years ago.

She kept saying "Just keep holding on - it will get better".

I so needed her that day and I think of her often.  I've even been back to the jewelry store but she no longer works there.

[sewing22]

RETURN STORY that I couldn't figure out how to post on "Return Stories."

1) Not mine of course, but I was talking to my brother a few days ago who reminded me that our own father left home for over a year to go live with the OW. Now, I remembered this, but I was 5 years old at the time and somehow believed it was for only a week or so. I never remembered him being gone for over a year. I even remember meeting the OW at some point and going over to their apartment. Jeez. But my brother confirmed that it was indeed over a year that he was gone, probably like 18 months. He did come back and never left again until 20 or so years later when he passed away.

2) I was talking to a friend of mine who casually slipped it in that his parents split up twice while he was growing up. The first time was when they were small kids--he said it was about 6 months or so. The second time his parents split up he was in high school and he remembers his dad being gone for over a year. My friend is now 49 years old and his parents are STILL married. I can tell you that they are a pretty happy couple!

3) my own wanting to return to my first h but not being able to because he was too angry with me. I would have returned after 2 years (I sat down the other night and made a pretty approximate timeline and I remember where I was at the 2 year mark after BD, and I would have returned if I thought it was an option. I remember even putting out some feelers at that point).

I am feeling optimistic today and wanted to share with everyone some positive stories!!

[sada]

Thanks Sewing. MLC & the fallout from it of divorces & abandonment has been alive & flourishing all around us all our lives & we had no idea.  At least we can thank God that we have modern technology to help us gain knowledge & awareness as well as support. 

[speed racer]

Hi Everyone,

I am currently being divorced from my wife of 27 years. I have always
loved her and have been proud to be her husband. She was also my best friend.
Up until her MLC, she was an awesome and loving mother and wife.  Once MLC hit her,
She said things to the kids and myself that was just plain bazaar. Things she would never
do or say before.

I don’t know if there is a OM, but there are many signs and coincedences.

Here is why I have hope:

We have a son and daughter.  My son is 18 now.
When I was his age, my parents went through the hell because of an affair.
At the time, I didn’t know what was going on, I just thought my parents we’re fighting.  I remember the intensity and anxiousness of my father (who with good reason) was all over the place.  I understand this now.  I think I was in my late 20’s that an uncle of told me what really happened.

My parents never fought.  Both were loving parents and we had a large extended loving family.
(Grandparents, uncles, aunts, 2nd and 3rd cousins - All loving people)
My father found out that my mother had been having an affair with her boss.

(I think my wife got bored and her boss was pretty well off - and married mind you.)
I remember answering the phone and her boss would ask for her.
I just thought it was work related and didn’t even give it a second thought.

I don’t know how long the affair was, I don’t know any of the details on how my parents worked through it. I don’t remember them going to counceling.

I am glad they worked though it.  It has been over 30 years now since it happened. They have been married 54 years.

I have always been proud that my father was strong enough to forgive my mother.
I have always been proud of my mother in the fact that she never again hurt my father as she did.
They have been inseperable since.

I know there are folks on this site that say “your marriage is over, get on with yourself”
“forget her and do things you want to do”

I’m sorry, I’ve always done what I wanted to do. I never missed out on anything because of my marriage.
Nor did my wife.  OK - I guess you could say “did you travel and see the world?”  Sorry, that could have
easily been done together - so in my mind, that don’t count.

Anyway, the reason I don’t want to give up hope, is that my parents are a shining examples (to me) that marriages
do go through ups and downs.  They have exciting and boring moments - and they can definitely be saved.
My parents are going through the final stages of life together - happily and I am very glad they both
made the decision to do so.

Cheers everyone.
Speed