Author Topic: Mirror-Work Return Stories Part Three  (Read 34885 times)

Offline dumbfounded2

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Mirror-Work Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #30 on: May 30, 2017, 02:12:17 PM »
My H and I recently reconciled after 6 years of MLC.  The story script is all the same, the message to LBS is clear....detach emotionally, live your best life and try to not engage with the angry MLCer.....I followed some very good advice from his forum and after what felt like forever, my H came home last August.  Our relationship is better than it ever was prior to MLC....he is more aware of his own emotions, communicates clearly and shows me his love and commitment daily.  For anyone questioning themselves, you must make the commitment to your self in that you will not be prodded into the MLC turmoil....as they will do things that will make your head spin, and live your life "As IF" until you find your new normal.  It is also true that the MLCer does not remember many of the stupid, silly things they do, but the LBS will remember (an area I deal with in forgiving and living life forward).  The MLCer does not grovel and beg, although they are clearly aware of the precious family and/or spouse that they sacrificed during their craziness.  I wish the best for all LBS and will be happy to answer any questions.

Offline ChrissYAH

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #31 on: June 12, 2017, 08:08:48 AM »
My (x) husband is planning on marrying the wh*r^, so I'm done hoping, I don't think I could ever face him again anyway after everything he's put our kids and me through.  My question is if he does marry the carousel, what will his reaction be if he ever does come through the tunnel or maybe he will be forced to come through it sooner than later if he marries her.

Offline Milly

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #32 on: June 18, 2017, 03:51:23 PM »
Attaching DF. Your advice is spot on. I am listening.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D23, D20, S13
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Never say never

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #33 on: June 26, 2017, 06:05:38 PM »
Attaching also, DF.  Please share more with us.  It inspires us.

Offline Whyus

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #34 on: June 30, 2017, 05:18:42 AM »
I thought i would share this with you good people...
i was walking through the cantine at work 3 weeks ago and a colleague (also a musician friend who knows W) asked me how i lost so much weight.
I said "Ive been wtching what I at, I work out, I ride Mountain bike and W left me in January". He said "Sit down". I sat and he spoke.

3 years ago his W(was 44) started acting strange. She became distant, started wearing younger clothes and listening to Punk music!!! He (52ish) asked after a while what was wrong and she said that she had met somebody (also 44) and she was leaving him.
He was obviously shocked. He felt something was off and battered the internet and read books etc.
 After a few weeks he said he would move out because he couldnt take it anymore. He offered her the house and wanted to look for a small flat. She refused because she wanted a flat and not the house.
They eventually found her a flat and she moved out. A few weeks later he invited her for a meal. she refused. He said you owe me at least one more evening out so she accepted.
After they had ordered he told her that he accepts that she has left and is with somebody else but he wants absolutely nothing more to do with her. No friends, nothing. Only contact would be concerning the kids.
She cried and left (before the food came).
A few Weeks later she went to the house, had a mini breakdown, apologized and said she wants to come home. He said you can come home but only if we get professional help. she agreed.
At the first meeting the therapist said that the marriage was fine but she was going through a MLC and explained what that meant for her.
It broke her heart but they worked it out together. She is still in crisis but its manageable because they both know whats going on. Now she is home again and the relationship is better than ever. They kept the flat as it was in the city and sometimes stay there on weekends. Sometimes he will go there for an evening alone and sometimes she will.
That way they both get a "Time out" now and again. He did add that he doesnt know who the OM is and if he were to find out he would break his neck  :-\

Hes the force behind my phonecall to W last week! He showed me the way forward. Im not expecting the same result but it made sence to me.

It doesnt ALWAYS have to take 6 years, it can pass quicker.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. Still together but never seen.
2 Sons - 18 & 20
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline xyzcf

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #35 on: July 02, 2017, 06:58:56 AM »
I had dinner last night with a new friend. She was married for 17 years, had 2 kids when her husband lost interest in her and the family, bought a sportscar, was interested in other women and moved several states away. When she suggested she move there to be with him, he told her no..things were just fine as they were.

She knew very well the pathology of MLC.

Fast forward to 5 years later. He had retired from his position in the military and called her out of the blue one day to say that he was moving back to their home state and wished to come back home.

My friend had to break the news to him that she was getting married and that his return was no longer an option. He seemed shocked by this revelation and we talked about how they seem to think that we will always be there when they come to their senses.

Her second marriage lasted 30 years and her spouse just passed away a year ago. She never regretted her decision. Her first husband married a women who is in her 4 th marriage...his kids don't like her..as they have told their mom he "settled".

So often it has been said that the LBS will be the one to have the final say. We are indeed in control of our lives and the choices that we make.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

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Offline ChrissYAH

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #36 on: July 10, 2017, 07:49:57 PM »
My H and I recently reconciled after 6 years of MLC.  The story script is all the same, the message to LBS is clear....detach emotionally, live your best life and try to not engage with the angry MLCer.....I followed some very good advice from his forum and after what felt like forever, my H came home last August.  Our relationship is better than it ever was prior to MLC....he is more aware of his own emotions, communicates clearly and shows me his love and commitment daily.  For anyone questioning themselves, you must make the commitment to your self in that you will not be prodded into the MLC turmoil....as they will do things that will make your head spin, and live your life "As IF" until you find your new normal.  It is also true that the MLCer does not remember many of the stupid, silly things they do, but the LBS will remember (an area I deal with in forgiving and living life forward).  The MLCer does not grovel and beg, although they are clearly aware of the precious family and/or spouse that they sacrificed during their craziness.  I wish the best for all LBS and will be happy to answer any questions.


They don't 'remember'??? I think thats just a cop out.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2017, 01:30:19 AM by OldPilot »

Offline Songanddance

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #37 on: July 11, 2017, 02:48:42 AM »
Quote
They don't 'remember'??? I think thats just a cop out

It may seem that way but it is true to a considerable degree.  All of the reconcilers on here seem to have that in their threads.


Offline Songanddance

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #38 on: July 11, 2017, 04:05:18 PM »
This is a return story that doesn't have a happy ending for the MLCer. I heard it off a newish friend who was describing the antics of her next door neighbour of some years ago. 

Apparently (this happened over 10 years ago) he wrote his wife of 30+ years a letter telling her that the following morning a van would arrive and take all the furniture that he had marked with an X.  He was leaving and never coming back.  She checked the furniture and nothing until she lifted a chair up and sure enough under every piece of furniture he had marked a black inked X.  She had no idea when he had done this.
The van arrived and duly took the furniture no matter what she said or did. He had a court order!   
This was completely out of the blue and if course what did she discover? A much younger OW!  He moved in with her and started d proceedings.   She was naturally devastated.

6 months later - he turns up again - dishevelled and dirty, tells her he made a big mistake and he wants back in.  She refused and continued to refuse for some months.  As the divorce was looming her children, who were grown by then, bought him out of his half of the house and ensured that their mother continued to live there for the rest of her life. This neighbour is now in her 80s and has recently moved out, but she never saw her H again.  He vanished and she had no idea whether he was even still alive.

So it's not a return per so but it could have been and if nothing else, she gained from it and he lost everything. What I wonder at is the marking the bottom of the furniture with an X - we know MLC does strange things but that has to be one of the weirdest!

When my friend told me this and commented on how crazy it was, I just laughed and said - " No - not in my experience"  She is still a new friend and was somewhat baffled by my response but I didn't want to bore her...... but you all know what was it was !!   

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #39 on: July 11, 2017, 04:11:59 PM »
Oh goodness S&D, that is bizarre.

My brother recently remarried a couple that had been divorced for 20 years.  I don't have any of the details, but so far he says that is his longest years apart remarriage that he has ever done.
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10203.msg671589#msg671589

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."

 

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