[ChrissYAH]

My H and I recently reconciled after 6 years of MLC.  The story script is all the same, the message to LBS is clear....detach emotionally, live your best life and try to not engage with the angry MLCer.....I followed some very good advice from his forum and after what felt like forever, my H came home last August.  Our relationship is better than it ever was prior to MLC....he is more aware of his own emotions, communicates clearly and shows me his love and commitment daily.  For anyone questioning themselves, you must make the commitment to your self in that you will not be prodded into the MLC turmoil....as they will do things that will make your head spin, and live your life "As IF" until you find your new normal.  It is also true that the MLCer does not remember many of the stupid, silly things they do, but the LBS will remember (an area I deal with in forgiving and living life forward).  The MLCer does not grovel and beg, although they are clearly aware of the precious family and/or spouse that they sacrificed during their craziness.  I wish the best for all LBS and will be happy to answer any questions.

They don't 'remember' I think thats just a cop out.

[Songanddance]

They don't 'remember' I think thats just a cop out

It may seem that way but it is true to a considerable degree.  All of the reconcilers on here seem to have that in their threads.

[Songanddance]

This is a return story that doesn't have a happy ending for the MLCer. I heard it off a newish friend who was describing the antics of her next door neighbour of some years ago. 

Apparently (this happened over 10 years ago) he wrote his wife of 30+ years a letter telling her that the following morning a van would arrive and take all the furniture that he had marked with an X.  He was leaving and never coming back.  She checked the furniture and nothing until she lifted a chair up and sure enough under every piece of furniture he had marked a black inked X.  She had no idea when he had done this.
The van arrived and duly took the furniture no matter what she said or did. He had a court order!   
This was completely out of the blue and if course what did she discover? A much younger OW!  He moved in with her and started d proceedings.   She was naturally devastated.

6 months later - he turns up again - dishevelled and dirty, tells her he made a big mistake and he wants back in.  She refused and continued to refuse for some months.  As the divorce was looming her children, who were grown by then, bought him out of his half of the house and ensured that their mother continued to live there for the rest of her life. This neighbour is now in her 80s and has recently moved out, but she never saw her H again.  He vanished and she had no idea whether he was even still alive.

So it's not a return per so but it could have been and if nothing else, she gained from it and he lost everything. What I wonder at is the marking the bottom of the furniture with an X - we know MLC does strange things but that has to be one of the weirdest!

When my friend told me this and commented on how crazy it was, I just laughed and said - " No - not in my experience"  She is still a new friend and was somewhat baffled by my response but I didn't want to bore her...... but you all know what was it was !!   

[FaithWalker]

Oh goodness S&D, that is bizarre.

My brother recently remarried a couple that had been divorced for 20 years.  I don't have any of the details, but so far he says that is his longest years apart remarriage that he has ever done.

[Whyus]

W has 2 very old girl friends, they go back nearly 30 years. GF1 and GF2.
Both are the same age as W got married about the same and both have 2 kids in a similar age to our 2 Boys.
S19 has been together with the D of GF1 for over 2 years.....
We were good friends with both pairs even though sometimes a couple of years passed without contact.

GF2 left her H 2,5 years ago. They were on holiday and on the last evening they both went for a meal without the kids and spent quality time to together before flying home.
When they got home, her H made coffee and they were sat on the porch. She coolly said "H, im leaving you, ive found somebody else but I didnt want to ruin your Holiday". He was totally blindsided.. We can all identify with what she said :-)

When W found out she was furious, she drove to GF1 a slagged GF2 off for hours!!! "how could she do that"..."$l()t"..."never thought it would happen to them".....  strange how she became something she really hated herself!!!!

GF2 moved in with OM and left him 6 months later... She was single for a while and then had OM2. A couple of months ago she got diagnozid with Cancer. 4 weeks later she came home, probably for the wrong reasons but it was a wake up call which made her realize the advantages of being Married and having somebody at her side.

Her H didnt date the whole time, he just wasn't interested. I hope it goes well for him (not fussed about her to be honest) because hes a great guy (as seem to be all LBSs).

I informed W and she just said "thats nice, im happy for them"..

[BrenM]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2735806&page=3

 Freckle6

#2735806 - 03/23/17 06:31 PM
I thought about this place today and decided to see if it still existed and found my last thread here. Since my original threads seem to not be here anymore, I will give a brief (who am I kidding, probably not so brief...) background. Good thing the pertinent dates are in my old sig because it's been so long now I might not exactly have remembered them.

We married at 26 years old in 1999. We consciously decided to have a baby and our son was born in June 2004. During my pregnancy, I noticed my husband being distant and just off, but chalked it up to nerves at impending parenthood and me probably being an overly sensitive pregnant woman. 6 weeks after our son was born I got the bomb and was devastated and shell-shocked. Ater 10 months of walking on eggshells and not knowing which way was up, he told me on my 31st birthday that he was moving out and moved out on my very first mother's day.

Back then I felt he was more a WAH and not MLC. There was no OW, he was just panicked and bolted. Lots of rewriting history--we had been together from the time we were 20 and knew each other from when we were 12. My opinion, then and now, was that he had an "oh, [censored], I'm going to be a father" crisis. I DB'ed my butt off and I credit it for making me behave in a way where I regret not a single thing or how I handled it all. I stayed above any drama, I didn't lash out at him, and I acted "as if" like my life depended on it.

Of course, like most, none of it worked. He waffled back and forth in the beginning for a bit but eventually retreated. This board helped me keep my sanity through it all. Just knowing I wasn't the only one out there in pain and with a life I didn't recognize anymore helped so much. I also had so much support from my in-laws and I will be forever thankful to them and owe them more than I can ever repay. My MIL died in 2011 and I miss her every day. The one thing I stuck to was that I refused to file for D. He wanted it, he could pay for it and initiate it. In our lives I always handled this sort of "important" stuff, so it was time for him to take over for himself. He finally got around to filing in March of 2008, almost 3 years after we separated. I had gotten a formal support order through our County years before to protect us both and thankfully he was one of the good ex guys and never fought me on support and kept up visitation like clockwork with our son. Through him I eventually heard that Daddy had a "friend", but by that time I was doing ok. I had no interest in dating, but had gotten to the point where I was really happy in my own little life. There was a lot of ups and downs until that point, but time really does heal the wounds.

In the Summer of 2009 out of the blue he called me one night and was talking about his job and just the tone of his voice was the man I knew, who had been unlike the man I had dealt with for the past 4 years. He invited me to go on a day trip with him and our son to the Bronx Zoo on a charter bus. I accepted, hesitantly, but went because I didn't get to do a lot of things like that with our son and didn't want to miss the experience with him. It was a strange, platonic thing and was very uncomfortable for me, to say the least. We also took our son to July 4th fireworks another time, still with the awkward platonic thing going on. In retrospect, I think he was feeling me out.

We started chatting a bit on IM and I think he eventually came out and said he missed me in November of 2009. And my feelings came rushing back for him. We took things very slow and basically "dated". The judge finally signed off on our divorce in January 2010 while we had started piecing. In a way, it was fitting and didn't bother me in the least.
The old marriage was truly dead and buried. We had been separated for 4 and a half years.

At the time the song Far Away by Nickelback (who has since become the most hated band on the internet...) was out and he told me the words fit perfectly. It choked me up then and continues to today.

This time, this place misused, mistakes
Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?
Just one chance, just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know you know, you know
That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all I'd give for us
Give anything, but I won't give up
'Cause you know you know, you know
That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
So far away, so far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away, so far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted, I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed, I need to hear you say
That I love you, I have loved you all along
And I forgive you, for being away for far too long
So keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it, hold on to me and
Never let me go, keep breathing
Hold on to me and never let me go (Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and never let me go

Like I said, we took things very slow. I was in no way ready to rush into anything with him. In fact, I made him take the lead on how fast it went. We chatted on the computer or texted (with old flip phones!) almost daily and spent weekends together at my (our) house or his apartment. This went on for about 9 months and I made it a point to never bring up him moving back. He started to hint at it and I just played cool and made him eventually come out and bring it up himself. He moved back September 2010, 5 years and 5 months after he moved out.

A little over a year later we hit the biggest rough spot in that I unexpectedly became pregnant. It definitely was not in the plans and I was terrified we'd have a repeat of last time. The "oh, sh1t" moment we each had eventually passed and we came through with another beautiful son, 8 years after our first was born. He was the happiest baby and adored by the three of us from the moment he was born.

He's been back for over 6 years now. Longer than we were married pre-bomb and longer than we were separated. There, of course, have been ups and downs. And even more so, there are some scars, at least as far as I'm concerned, that will always remain. I have no desire to ever remarry him. It was a piece of paper and it didn't keep him here before and I'm smarter now to know that it won't necessarily keep him here again. I refer to him as my husband in certain situations. I don't know if it'll be forever, but I learned that you can never be promised forever anyway.

I hope everyone here finds peace and happiness. No matter how awful it is right now, it will get better. It happens slow, until one day you realize that the time between your darkest moments goes from hours to days, to weeks, and so on. And sometimes it backslides but you dust off faster and get on with it again.
_________________________
Me38,H:38,S:7
Married:6/99
Bomb:7/04
Sep.:5/05
D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10
Piecing:11/09
H moved back:09/10
Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty

[Confused dad]

I found out about a return story last night. Don't know all the details but will tell you what i know.
My  friend ( we slowly lost contact after we quit working together) and I used to work together for 10 years. In the furniture business on the operations end.  We started a sideline business together that lasted about 8 years where we both did very well.  2008 came and everything fell apart with our core business and the sideline.
He had no money he had not saved any. I had saved lots. His wife was burning though it.  Don't know all the details but heard she had possibly been drugging(cocaine?) and that she was hooking up with their sons friend who was 20 years younger.  They ended up losing the house to foreclosure and splitting up/ divorced around 2010.
I heard last night they were back together. Again I don't know the details but hey we're split up for 7-8 years and got back together.
I didn't know much about  mlc back then and don't know for sure that is what it was but it sure sounds like it. 
She inflicted a lot of pain and damage to him I know. It was ugly. I only told the little bit I know. I'm sure a lot more went on.
But apparently they are doing well now.

[Songanddance]

It's not a return story per se but read on.

I met a friend recently whose first husband walked out on her 30 years ago - all the symptoms of MLC. He vanished for a while but she moved on after a few years and has a second long term partner.
She told me that her first H phoned her up a few weeks ago and sobbed down the phone apologising over and over again for all he had done and that he knew the moment he walked out it was a mistake. He said that he regretted everything he had done since then and that he had a moment of utter madness to leave her and felt as though he was in a fog living another life.

She said "Thank you for your apology - take care and see you around!"

So 30 yrs is way too long obviously but it suggests as do many other stories on here that the memory of BD clearly never leaves the MLCer and clearly fills their lives with guilt and anguish even if they vanish!

[Whyus]

It's not a return story per se but read on.

I met a friend recently whose first husband walked out on her 30 years ago - all the symptoms of MLC. He vanished for a while but she moved on after a few years and has a second long term partner.
She told me that her first H phoned her up a few weeks ago and sobbed down the phone apologising over and over again for all he had done and that he knew the moment he walked out it was a mistake. He said that he regretted everything he had done since then and that he had a moment of utter madness to leave her and felt as though he was in a fog living another life.

She said "Thank you for your apology - take care and see you around!"

So 30 yrs is way too long obviously but it suggests as do many other stories on here that the memory of BD clearly never leaves the MLCer and clearly fills their lives with guilt and anguish even if they vanish!

30years of hurt and pain.. Doesnt Sound like paradise to me. im glad that your friend gave him the answer he deserved. Hopefully he felt a Little better for getting it off his chest...

[OldPilot]

She said "Thank you for your apology - take care and see you around!"

Well I always say that the LBS gets to decide in the end - and if you have not yet gotten to decide it is not yet the end!

I guess this proves my point!