Author Topic: Mirror-Work Return Stories Part Three  (Read 34886 times)

Offline Hl383

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Mirror-Work I Do Not Know IF I Want To Continue
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2015, 03:49:46 PM »
I am a male.  My wife had been on MLC for about two years.   She fell in love (emotional affair as she still swear that they had never anything because he did not wanted it).   We have a 20 year old son (that we both love a lot and still live with her).  Due to my job for the last 10 years I had been living in NYC and they in Florida with me traveling frequently but in the last 4 years due to the economy trips were less frequent and when I tried to travel more due to the MLC her reception to my traveling had been bad.  I got involve in an emotional affair myself for about a year via Facebook.  The woman and I met a few months ago and we liked each other a lot but I am not pursuing that relationship anymore because it can hurt my family financially a lot and I d not love that woman.......I do not love who my wife became either.  At this point i do not even know if is worth to continue married to someone that betrayed me, that think so low about me, that humiliated me with her friends and relatives (oh yes they used to laugh about me) and that basically had told me many times how much do not love me but have some love feelings for me, had confessed me about her still having feelings for him......I am guilty of not being strong enough to end up this marriage..........

Even if we continue together ... I doubt I will trust her ever again....I am going to feel and know that stayed with me because need my financial care and that her true love will be always the other guy.....I hate to become a second place plate.....I know there are many available women to start again something better......Any advice or word of wisdom?

By the way I miss the other woman a lot (Maybe she is already in love)....funny I suspect the other woman is on MLC herself (we communicate for about a year then I learned many things about her and she is my age (48).  My wife will be 50 in October....

Thank you in advance

Offline Hl383

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Loss OF Inocense
« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2015, 03:57:28 PM »
How do you go from believing that your wife is extremely faithful and loyal (was for about 22 years or at least that what I was believing) to learn that she can flirt, get in love and send you and the marriage to hell if she can?  Even if the MLC end and we stay together....What my life with her will become?  I will never trust or feel the same for her again.   I am always going to remember how she behave........

Offline Reallytrying

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Re: I Do Not Know IF I Want To Continue
« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2015, 04:05:08 PM »
Sorry you are in this situation.  It sounds like things have been tough for awhile.  Only you can decide whether you are ready to throw in the towel - no judgement whatever you decide.

Offline OldPilot

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Re: I Do Not Know IF I Want To Continue
« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2015, 04:27:55 PM »
Welcome to the Board

You are in a good place.
Your H/W  is on his/her own journey.
You can not do anything to control this trip.
Come here and read or vent, we will listen.
Give your H/W space  he/she needs to heal himself/herself.

I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations.
Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure.
You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.

Your need to start working on you.
There is nothing that you can do to help your H/W.

He/She has given you a gift.
It is time!!

Use the time wisely to make yourself a better person.
Look in the mirror to see what it is that you can improve.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
GAL.

Read some books on depression. Both for yourself! And for H/W.
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.

Read the resources from this site.
The links that are in my signature.

Detach. - The single most important thing you can do

The detach link and HB's 6 stages of MLC(rewritten from Jim Conway) located in the resources above.

Developing Detachment
http://jamesjmessina.com/toolsforcontrolissues/developdetachment.html

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/self-focus_releasers_detach.html

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

Do you want a mentor?

Please make a post that says so and
If so one will be assigned shortly.

Keep posting and asking questions and we will try to answer them.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon

Offline hawk

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Re: I Do Not Know IF I Want To Continue
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2015, 04:35:31 PM »
Sorry your going through this Hi.
l know how hard and hurtful all this is , l think we all do round here. But me personally and this is just me, but l couldn't put up with that especially with the her friends thing in on it all too. We should have and deserve to be treated at least with respect even if the marriage is in trouble , especially with your working and providing her lifestyle in the meantime and yet only to get that sh@t in return, not right sorry.

lt's always unbelievable to me how so called friends actually join in with them, l can never comprehend that stuff.
And then added to the fact that she actually wanted to sleep with the OM and actually told you that.

Personally l think you've gotta at least fully separate , move out or get her to move out , as soon as you can and tell her you are now separated in the meantime while organizing it .
The sooner she gets a kick in the pants the better l reckon. lt might shock her back into the marriage or or might not but l don't think there's anything else you can do with her the way she's been acting.
Met 93, M 96, BD oct/12, nearly 20yrs. 1 d-11 at bd.
D/oct 14.

Offline Ready2Transform

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Re: I Do Not Know IF I Want To Continue
« Reply #15 on: August 30, 2015, 05:33:58 PM »
I combined your two topics here. Please keep threads to 150 posts so we can more easily follow and support you!

You've had a lot going on, and certainly, you need to come to terms with your own crisis of sorts with the EA, and decide what you want to do, so you can stabilize your life. How do you feel about your choices? Do you feel the EA was a bad moral decision, or do you feel justified because of your wife's situation?
"Unconditional love is the highest of high standards, and while we are letting go of our need to control the process of anyone else, we are taking within our lives complete accountability for our own experience."

http://seriousvanity.com/how-to-cultivate-unconditional-love-and-change-the-world/

Offline Sha10613

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #16 on: September 12, 2015, 01:14:42 PM »
I just saw my acupuncturist, who said that her friend at work (46 years old) and her friend's bf are no longer together.   Apparently, the friend was the OW in this story, as her bf (now 56 years old) left his wife 6 years ago and moved in with her.  They had been dating and living together for 6 years.  Just recently, he said to her, 'I am leaving you and going back to my wife', packed his stuff, and moved back home.   I asked my acupuncturist whether her friend's ex-bf is still married to his wife, and she said that she thinks that they are divorced, but he referred to her as his 'wife'.

Also, a couple of years ago, my cousin's wife left him (they are both in their mid 30s so not sure if it is MLC), though I know she was acting peculiar during the time.  Anyway, my cousin wanted him back, but she wouldn't have it and they divorced; 3 or so years later she contacted him and asked for him back, he said no - he had already moved on.
The creator can create happiness in your heart :)

Offline Sha10613

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #17 on: September 12, 2015, 06:05:25 PM »
When it rains it pours... I just told my mom about what my acupuncturist told me and she said that she knew a man who left his W and 3 kids at 39 or 40 years old.  He left her for OW, got divorced, and married the OW + had a son with her; 7 years later he divorced the OW and remarried his wife. My mom did not know all of the details, but said, 'I guess a lot of people go though this?'. 7 years later? geez
The creator can create happiness in your heart :)

Offline patience.of.a.saint

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #18 on: September 12, 2015, 08:00:06 PM »
I worked with a woman many years ago who had divorced her H and then a few years later they got married again and lived happily ever after, until he died a few years back. I have no idea if it was MLC, but I suspect it could've been. They would've been the right age range.

Offline Songanddance

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #19 on: September 12, 2015, 11:59:12 PM »
I heard on a radio programme called I- PM which is where listeners can write in to the programme about a moment in their day. It has to be just a couple of sentences and they read out a whole load of them in the space of 5 minutes to give a snapshot of people's lives in that day.
The writer has to write in the first person  singular and it is read out that way.

This is the one that stuck in my mind.
"Today my partner of 18 years told me that he had enough of our relationship and has gone back to his wife who he left 33 YEARS ago. I am 76 and he is 77. "

Not quite sure what to make of that.  Is the H having a very late MLC - more likely that he had his MLC 33 years ago and it was never resolved and now he has returned.

The second story was this
"Today I returned to live the rest of my life with my first boyfriend. We both married other people and had families but our connection never dropped and is stronger than ever. I am so happy and we are getting married"   So is this a return or MLC?   

Crazy world!

 

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