Author Topic: Mirror-Work Return Stories Part Three  (Read 40512 times)

Offline NeverGiveUp1

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Mirror-Work Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2015, 04:18:20 AM »
I was getting my hair done and chatting with the stylist a few weeks ago.

She told me how the father of her kids walked out on them when her boys were very young. Not sure if they were married. But he later married OW. Would show up with a brand new car but not be able to give her $60 for school supplies. Things like that. She told him you're making a mistake, your marriage is not going to last more than 5 years. Sure enough around the 5 year mark they got divorced and he wanted to come back! She told him no. He still wants her back and their kids are adults now. She wants nothing to do with him. Guess she wasn't a stander. lol.

Childhood sweethearts
Together 14 years, married 8
H 31 . Me 29 . D 3

2/13 BD #1 unhappy
7/13 BD #2 ilybnilwy
2/14 Left
3/14 Home
2/15 BD #3 unhappy, done, don't love you
3/15 Left


Offline ArmySpouse

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #21 on: September 22, 2015, 05:37:10 PM »
 So today I wanted to share a story about a woman  that lives in the elderly home I am volunteering at least twice a week .  I have just started last month and so I still get to know the people and the life's and the stores to have to share Little by little.

 Every day before I go I ask God to show me where I am needed most that day and who needs to be listened to and so I just go with the flow walk my rounds..

 So we were having a girls group conversation and all of them talked about how long they were married and talk about their spouses and so on.  one of the ladies there is 96 years old (just had her birthday 2 weeks ago) and she said she was 21 years married until her husband left her and their 4 children .. 
She said her oldest then was 15 and the youngest 7 years old . 
And I just said "oh my gosh that is what my husband is doing right now" and ask her how old she was ..she said she was 37 years old and her husband was in his early 40s ..  So it screams midlife crises !!  :o :o :o

 I'll ask her then if he ever came back and said he was sorry..? she said "yes, three years later he turned around and said he wanted to come back home but she said no you made your bed and have to lay in it".. She went on and got a job and took care of her 4 kids on her own.. Mind you that was 60 years ago!! So much harder to do when most women dependent on their husbands! That took some guts..

 I know that this form is about standing.. and I respect that... but that's not what I'm talking about what I got out from this was she said to me :

" take one day at a time can do this! you will get out stronger and my four children love me and are very proud of me and how strong I was then,  I could take care of my kids all by myself ,I didn't need a man .. So just trust God ,the good Lord, he will see you through and everything will be OK .."

 I guess I needed that message and again I'm amazed that people still come forward to me and share their story.. mind you she was already the second lady in the nursing home whose husband has walked out on her .

 She said she never dated again but it's not that she didn't want to -it's just that she took care of her children and then by the time that they were old enough ,she felt she was too old to date again ..but she said she never minded she was happy .

 She said later to me that thank you for sharing my story with you and I said no I thank you From the bottom of my heart I do .

 She says her 4 children are very proud of her and don't really have any contact to their father .  And I asked about the husband if he was ever happy and she said honestly I don't know I never saw him again really .

 Bottom line is no matter what trust in God he will see you through and trust in yourself you can come out as a better person ..  :D
 That's why I wanted to hear because those stories a priceless and that means so much to me right now ...
Me 32 (German)
H 37 (American)
Married 2005
Bomb drop 05/05/2015
Signed legal separation (him pressuring) 09/01/2015
3 kids ages 9,7 & 5 years

Started EA - she gets him.
Due to location (international) only contact via whassapp, Skype etc. but pretty sure they found ways to see each other already
Talking about divorce since 08/24/2015

Moved  out June 12,2015

Offline Reallytrying

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #22 on: September 25, 2015, 06:04:48 AM »
Last Christmas I was buying my daughter a charm bracelet and there was the cutest "daddy's little girl" charm which would have been the first one I picked out if things had been different.  I picked out some other charms and was getting ready to check out when I just stopped suddenly and asked the lady to switch one to the daddy charm.  I was talking myself into it and I said out loud "It's the right thing to do" (all our gifts to our children continue to be joint gifts).  The lady looked at me like I was crazy so I just very simply said "My husband and I recently separated".  She launched into her story.  Her husband left when their 8 month old daughter died suddenly.  He was doing what mine does - comes and goes, is pleasant some days, withdrawn other.  She said he acted like that for over a year, then he began to improve for another 6 months or so before finally moving back home.  That was 5 years ago.

She kept saying "Just keep holding on - it will get better".

I so needed her that day and I think of her often.  I've even been back to the jewelry store but she no longer works there.

Offline sewing22

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Re: What's BOMB DROP for a Wallower??
« Reply #23 on: June 02, 2016, 04:43:11 PM »
RETURN STORY that I couldn't figure out how to post on "Return Stories."

1) Not mine of course, but I was talking to my brother a few days ago who reminded me that our own father left home for over a year to go live with the OW. Now, I remembered this, but I was 5 years old at the time and somehow believed it was for only a week or so. I never remembered him being gone for over a year. I even remember meeting the OW at some point and going over to their apartment. Jeez. But my brother confirmed that it was indeed over a year that he was gone, probably like 18 months. He did come back and never left again until 20 or so years later when he passed away.

2) I was talking to a friend of mine who casually slipped it in that his parents split up twice while he was growing up. The first time was when they were small kids--he said it was about 6 months or so. The second time his parents split up he was in high school and he remembers his dad being gone for over a year. My friend is now 49 years old and his parents are STILL married. I can tell you that they are a pretty happy couple!

3) my own wanting to return to my first h but not being able to because he was too angry with me. I would have returned after 2 years (I sat down the other night and made a pretty approximate timeline and I remember where I was at the 2 year mark after BD, and I would have returned if I thought it was an option. I remember even putting out some feelers at that point).

I am feeling optimistic today and wanted to share with everyone some positive stories!!
Jan 2014: first signs of MLC (suspected EA)
May 2014: h's mom dies--goes into deep depression
Sept 2014: D is born
Oct 2014: BD#1: ILYBNILWY
Feb 2015: BD#2: I want to leave
Oct 2015: BD#3: I'm leaving in Dec 2015
Dec 2015: BD#4: I'm leaving in Feb 2016
Mar 2016: I demand that h leaves and he finally does

Offline sada

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #24 on: June 04, 2016, 04:45:47 PM »
Thanks Sewing. MLC & the fallout from it of divorces & abandonment has been alive & flourishing all around us all our lives & we had no idea.  At least we can thank God that we have modern technology to help us gain knowledge & awareness as well as support. 
Me - 55
H - 54
Married 11 years, together 21
Apr 2014: PA discovered, ow 22 yrs younger
Jun 2014: Left home to live w OW
Aug 2014: Back home. "Sorry, made mistakes".
Late 2015: Ow2 (a couple of dates I think). Monster
  returned for several months 
Early 2016: Health scare, including major surgery, resulting in fog lifting some more.
Today: H progressing thru mlc positively.Not cooked but has remained home and reconciling
Arguments & disagreements less frequent
Enjoying our time together

Offline speed racer

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #25 on: August 19, 2016, 07:59:34 AM »
Hi Everyone,

I am currently being divorced from my wife of 27 years. I have always
loved her and have been proud to be her husband. She was also my best friend.
Up until her MLC, she was an awesome and loving mother and wife.  Once MLC hit her,
She said things to the kids and myself that was just plain bazaar. Things she would never
do or say before.

I don’t know if there is a OM, but there are many signs and coincedences.

Here is why I have hope:

We have a son and daughter.  My son is 18 now.
When I was his age, my parents went through the hell because of an affair.
At the time, I didn’t know what was going on, I just thought my parents we’re fighting.  I remember the intensity and anxiousness of my father (who with good reason) was all over the place.  I understand this now.  I think I was in my late 20’s that an uncle of told me what really happened.

My parents never fought.  Both were loving parents and we had a large extended loving family.
(Grandparents, uncles, aunts, 2nd and 3rd cousins - All loving people)
My father found out that my mother had been having an affair with her boss.

(I think my wife got bored and her boss was pretty well off - and married mind you.)
I remember answering the phone and her boss would ask for her.
I just thought it was work related and didn’t even give it a second thought.

I don’t know how long the affair was, I don’t know any of the details on how my parents worked through it. I don’t remember them going to counceling.

I am glad they worked though it.  It has been over 30 years now since it happened. They have been married 54 years.

I have always been proud that my father was strong enough to forgive my mother.
I have always been proud of my mother in the fact that she never again hurt my father as she did.
They have been inseperable since.

I know there are folks on this site that say “your marriage is over, get on with yourself”
“forget her and do things you want to do”

I’m sorry, I’ve always done what I wanted to do. I never missed out on anything because of my marriage.
Nor did my wife.  OK - I guess you could say “did you travel and see the world?”  Sorry, that could have
easily been done together - so in my mind, that don’t count.

Anyway, the reason I don’t want to give up hope, is that my parents are a shining examples (to me) that marriages
do go through ups and downs.  They have exciting and boring moments - and they can definitely be saved.
My parents are going through the final stages of life together - happily and I am very glad they both
made the decision to do so.

Cheers everyone.

Offline speed racer

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #26 on: August 19, 2016, 08:06:27 AM »
This line from my story about was wrong:
(I think my wife got bored and her boss was pretty well off - and married mind you.)

It should been my mother, not my wife.....

Sorry -


Online BrenM

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #27 on: May 07, 2017, 09:17:44 PM »
Last return story was Aug 2016......surely this can't be correct?  Anyone got any stories to Share? 
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤

Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 -;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 -

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #28 on: May 08, 2017, 07:25:36 PM »
My teacher that I work with had some sort of crisis when she was in her late 30's.  She left her teenage son with her H and moved out with her teenage daughter.  She had been talking to an old high school sweetheart in another State.  They got a D and she ended up marrying her high school sweetheart.  It lasted a very short time, and I don't believe they ever ended up living together, as he didn't move from his State.  She got an annulment and she and her former H reconciled.  They have never remarried, but the 4 of them are all back in the family home and things have been good for about 5 years now.  When she talks about that crazy time she has a lot of awareness, so I don't know that hers was MLC or just a MLT or what.

Someone else I was talking to, pretty sure IRL was telling me that her dad gave her mom the ILYBNILWY speech and they ended up living with her grandma for several years.  And then her dad and mom reconciled.
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey:

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline MsKi

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #29 on: May 17, 2017, 12:37:48 PM »
I have a couple:

*A friend of my H had left his wife of many years for OW.  They moved in together and he was planning a D.  After a month, he decided he couldn't do it and broke it off and a few weeks later, went home to his wife.

*A friend of mine was divorced last April and is now in very early stages of reconciliation with her H.  He had moved out of state and they are now looking for places for her to move to be closer to him so that they can start really working on things. 
Together for 23 years, Married for almost 14 years.
Me:  42, H:  44 
Never blessed with human children but we have 3 rescued dogs who are like family.
Bomb dropped in Oct., 2015

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11


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