Author Topic: Mirror-Work Return Stories Part Three  (Read 40611 times)

Offline Whyus

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Mirror-Work Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #40 on: August 10, 2017, 02:12:56 AM »
W has 2 very old girl friends, they go back nearly 30 years. GF1 and GF2.
Both are the same age as W got married about the same and both have 2 kids in a similar age to our 2 Boys.
S19 has been together with the D of GF1 for over 2 years.....
We were good friends with both pairs even though sometimes a couple of years passed without contact.

GF2 left her H 2,5 years ago. They were on holiday and on the last evening they both went for a meal without the kids and spent quality time to together before flying home.
When they got home, her H made coffee and they were sat on the porch. She coolly said "H, im leaving you, ive found somebody else but I didnt want to ruin your Holiday". He was totally blindsided.. We can all identify with what she said :-)

When W found out she was furious, she drove to GF1 a slagged GF2 off for hours!!! "how could she do that"..."$l*t"..."never thought it would happen to them".....  strange how she became something she really hated herself!!!!

GF2 moved in with OM and left him 6 months later... She was single for a while and then had OM2. A couple of months ago she got diagnozid with Cancer. 4 weeks later she came home, probably for the wrong reasons but it was a wake up call which made her realize the advantages of being Married and having somebody at her side.

Her H didnt date the whole time, he just wasn't interested. I hope it goes well for him (not fussed about her to be honest) because hes a great guy (as seem to be all LBSs).

I informed W and she just said "thats nice, im happy for them"..
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Online BrenM

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #41 on: September 08, 2017, 05:36:30 AM »
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2735806&page=3

 Freckle6

#2735806 - 03/23/17 06:31 PM
I thought about this place today and decided to see if it still existed and found my last thread here. Since my original threads seem to not be here anymore, I will give a brief (who am I kidding, probably not so brief...) background. Good thing the pertinent dates are in my old sig because it's been so long now I might not exactly have remembered them.

We married at 26 years old in 1999. We consciously decided to have a baby and our son was born in June 2004. During my pregnancy, I noticed my husband being distant and just off, but chalked it up to nerves at impending parenthood and me probably being an overly sensitive pregnant woman. 6 weeks after our son was born I got the bomb and was devastated and shell-shocked. Ater 10 months of walking on eggshells and not knowing which way was up, he told me on my 31st birthday that he was moving out and moved out on my very first mother's day.

Back then I felt he was more a WAH and not MLC. There was no OW, he was just panicked and bolted. Lots of rewriting history--we had been together from the time we were 20 and knew each other from when we were 12. My opinion, then and now, was that he had an "oh, [censored], I'm going to be a father" crisis. I DB'ed my butt off and I credit it for making me behave in a way where I regret not a single thing or how I handled it all. I stayed above any drama, I didn't lash out at him, and I acted "as if" like my life depended on it.

Of course, like most, none of it worked. He waffled back and forth in the beginning for a bit but eventually retreated. This board helped me keep my sanity through it all. Just knowing I wasn't the only one out there in pain and with a life I didn't recognize anymore helped so much. I also had so much support from my in-laws and I will be forever thankful to them and owe them more than I can ever repay. My MIL died in 2011 and I miss her every day. The one thing I stuck to was that I refused to file for D. He wanted it, he could pay for it and initiate it. In our lives I always handled this sort of "important" stuff, so it was time for him to take over for himself. He finally got around to filing in March of 2008, almost 3 years after we separated. I had gotten a formal support order through our County years before to protect us both and thankfully he was one of the good ex guys and never fought me on support and kept up visitation like clockwork with our son. Through him I eventually heard that Daddy had a "friend", but by that time I was doing ok. I had no interest in dating, but had gotten to the point where I was really happy in my own little life. There was a lot of ups and downs until that point, but time really does heal the wounds.

In the Summer of 2009 out of the blue he called me one night and was talking about his job and just the tone of his voice was the man I knew, who had been unlike the man I had dealt with for the past 4 years. He invited me to go on a day trip with him and our son to the Bronx Zoo on a charter bus. I accepted, hesitantly, but went because I didn't get to do a lot of things like that with our son and didn't want to miss the experience with him. It was a strange, platonic thing and was very uncomfortable for me, to say the least. We also took our son to July 4th fireworks another time, still with the awkward platonic thing going on. In retrospect, I think he was feeling me out.

We started chatting a bit on IM and I think he eventually came out and said he missed me in November of 2009. And my feelings came rushing back for him. We took things very slow and basically "dated". The judge finally signed off on our divorce in January 2010 while we had started piecing. In a way, it was fitting and didn't bother me in the least.
The old marriage was truly dead and buried. We had been separated for 4 and a half years.

At the time the song Far Away by Nickelback (who has since become the most hated band on the internet...) was out and he told me the words fit perfectly. It choked me up then and continues to today.

This time, this place misused, mistakes
Too long, too late, who was I to make you wait?
Just one chance, just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know you know, you know
That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all I'd give for us
Give anything, but I won't give up
'Cause you know you know, you know
That I love you I have loved you all along and I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
So far away, so far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away, so far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted, I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed, I need to hear you say
That I love you, I have loved you all along
And I forgive you, for being away for far too long
So keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing, 'cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it, hold on to me and
Never let me go, keep breathing
Hold on to me and never let me go (Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and never let me go

Like I said, we took things very slow. I was in no way ready to rush into anything with him. In fact, I made him take the lead on how fast it went. We chatted on the computer or texted (with old flip phones!) almost daily and spent weekends together at my (our) house or his apartment. This went on for about 9 months and I made it a point to never bring up him moving back. He started to hint at it and I just played cool and made him eventually come out and bring it up himself. He moved back September 2010, 5 years and 5 months after he moved out.

A little over a year later we hit the biggest rough spot in that I unexpectedly became pregnant. It definitely was not in the plans and I was terrified we'd have a repeat of last time. The "oh, sh1t" moment we each had eventually passed and we came through with another beautiful son, 8 years after our first was born. He was the happiest baby and adored by the three of us from the moment he was born.

He's been back for over 6 years now. Longer than we were married pre-bomb and longer than we were separated. There, of course, have been ups and downs. And even more so, there are some scars, at least as far as I'm concerned, that will always remain. I have no desire to ever remarry him. It was a piece of paper and it didn't keep him here before and I'm smarter now to know that it won't necessarily keep him here again. I refer to him as my husband in certain situations. I don't know if it'll be forever, but I learned that you can never be promised forever anyway.

I hope everyone here finds peace and happiness. No matter how awful it is right now, it will get better. It happens slow, until one day you realize that the time between your darkest moments goes from hours to days, to weeks, and so on. And sometimes it backslides but you dust off faster and get on with it again.
_________________________
Me38,H:38,S:7
Married:6/99
Bomb:7/04
Sep.:5/05
D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10
Piecing:11/09
H moved back:09/10
Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
« Last Edit: September 08, 2017, 05:40:32 AM by Brenross »
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

🌹🌹Let's be real...Bren is the only one who can do Bren. I'm the best Bren on the planet. Trying to turn a skank into a Bren? That will surely end in disappointment, if it hasn't already.🌹🌹

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤



Vanished Return Stories Thread #1 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9088.0;all
Vanisher Return Stories Link Thread #2 - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9378.new#new

Offline Confused dad

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #42 on: September 15, 2017, 05:39:49 AM »
I found out about a return story last night. Don't know all the details but will tell you what i know.
My  friend ( we slowly lost contact after we quit working together) and I used to work together for 10 years. In the furniture business on the operations end.  We started a sideline business together that lasted about 8 years where we both did very well.  2008 came and everything fell apart with our core business and the sideline.
He had no money he had not saved any. I had saved lots. His wife was burning though it.  Don't know all the details but heard she had possibly been drugging(cocaine?) and that she was hooking up with their sons friend who was 20 years younger.  They ended up losing the house to foreclosure and splitting up/ divorced around 2010.
I heard last night they were back together. Again I don't know the details but hey we're split up for 7-8 years and got back together.
I didn't know much about  mlc back then and don't know for sure that is what it was but it sure sounds like it. 
She inflicted a lot of pain and damage to him I know. It was ugly. I only told the little bit I know. I'm sure a lot more went on.
But apparently they are doing well now.
Wife moved upstairs summer of 2015
BD #1 July 2016 Said she was done( right after I told her I was 100% committed to doing the work on my end to fix our marriage)  she did not leave, things actually improved some  over the winter then she pulls away again

BD # 2 July 2017 says she wants to sell house and go our seperate ways. Wants her freedom. She is unhappy and thinks it is because of me.
EA or FA discovered July 2017. She searches her astrology sign and his almost daily. 
PA confirmed 10-8-17. Had been going on sporadically since summer of 2016
She is very active with kids but has blowups quite often.  She's acting like a teenager so maybe she relates well to them.
D-14
D-12
Married 17 years together for 20
I'm standing but am about to explode.

Offline Songanddance

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #43 on: March 14, 2018, 01:57:51 AM »
It's not a return story per se but read on.

I met a friend recently whose first husband walked out on her 30 years ago - all the symptoms of MLC. He vanished for a while but she moved on after a few years and has a second long term partner.
She told me that her first H phoned her up a few weeks ago and sobbed down the phone apologising over and over again for all he had done and that he knew the moment he walked out it was a mistake. He said that he regretted everything he had done since then and that he had a moment of utter madness to leave her and felt as though he was in a fog living another life.

She said "Thank you for your apology - take care and see you around!"

So 30 yrs is way too long obviously but it suggests as do many other stories on here that the memory of BD clearly never leaves the MLCer and clearly fills their lives with guilt and anguish even if they vanish!
BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017 through 2018.
2019 is the year of Decisions!

Offline Whyus

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #44 on: March 15, 2018, 05:41:44 AM »
It's not a return story per se but read on.

I met a friend recently whose first husband walked out on her 30 years ago - all the symptoms of MLC. He vanished for a while but she moved on after a few years and has a second long term partner.
She told me that her first H phoned her up a few weeks ago and sobbed down the phone apologising over and over again for all he had done and that he knew the moment he walked out it was a mistake. He said that he regretted everything he had done since then and that he had a moment of utter madness to leave her and felt as though he was in a fog living another life.

She said "Thank you for your apology - take care and see you around!"

So 30 yrs is way too long obviously but it suggests as do many other stories on here that the memory of BD clearly never leaves the MLCer and clearly fills their lives with guilt and anguish even if they vanish!

30years of hurt and pain.. Doesnt Sound like paradise to me. im glad that your friend gave him the answer he deserved. Hopefully he felt a Little better for getting it off his chest...
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline OldPilot

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #45 on: March 15, 2018, 07:30:53 AM »
She said "Thank you for your apology - take care and see you around!"
Well I always say that the LBS gets to decide in the end - and if you have not yet gotten to decide it is not yet the end!

I guess this proves my point!

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #46 on: March 17, 2018, 10:38:51 AM »
Hopefully he can now allow himself to fully heal and to build a life worth living, despite not being with her in the end.
M-40
H-43
S-18
D-16
S-13
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Saw his POF the first month back
1.5y later no signs of anyone new - workaholic

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline turtleduck99

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #47 on: January 02, 2019, 09:40:47 PM »
I have a story, one told from the MLCer.
On the occasion of playing a concert, one of my band mates and I were talking.  Got on the subject of the stress of my D, and how my H was in MLC.
She asked me if I had had a crisis to which I said no.
Her response, "I have, and it's REAl".
I asked if she would talk about what she felt and what she went through.  She admitted to not remembering a lot about what she did during the 2 years after bomb drop.
She said that one day she awoke, and her thinking was so confused, fuzzy like.  She said she had these thoughts to do things that she knew was
wrong, but she had this strong desire to act on those thoughts.  She said that there was a lot of guilt, but couldn't stop.  She was in an emotional affair, even her young children, at the time, would tell her that this guy she met was more than a friend, no matter what she said. 
She likened her feelings toward her husband being like that of having McDonald's every day.  She was tired of McDonald's and wanted to have Steak or lobster.... It was a need for something different in the hopes it would be better.  She talked about how her head/thinking was always cloudy, never clear thoughts.
One day her affair partner broke it off, about two years in.... At that point she could see clearly, her thoughts cleared and she could see that she had issues to work on from her childhood.  She said that she emidiatly could see that if she had stayed with the OM it would have been toxic.

She pointed out that her husband had prayed daily and had asked others to pray.  They were on the verge of divorce but began working on their marriage.  She told me it was about three years of working on things but they are stronger now and much more happy.

Offline Stand Tall

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #48 on: January 07, 2019, 07:50:17 PM »
Hi,

  I was BD'd 10 months ago. At the time I had never heard of MLC's, but my H friends kept asking me if he could be in one because of the way he was acting while with them. One day one of those friends, while at the same campgrounds for the weekend, stopped me as I drove around the park and asked me what I wanted from my H. This was 2 months after BD. I told him that I wanted my marriage. He told me ok then you need to go home and don't contact him anymore. Then he proceeded to tell me that he and his wife have just started dating again, that the om was long gone and they were trying to work things out. At the time I was clueless as to what he was telling me. I have been looking at his Fb page off and on over the past 10 months to see if there are any signs. There hasn't been anything until two days ago when I looked. There are now pictures of the two of them with their grown children and grandson. They look very happy together. They were seperated for about two years.

  I had another woman from our circle of friends come and tell me that when her boys were about 8 and 10 her H had had an A and left them and moved 4 states away with the ow. Her S8 was very attached to his D and was very upset for the two years that he was gone. One day out of the blue she got a call from him asking if he could come home. She said that she didn't want him back, but her son threw a fit so she gave in and let him come home. She didn't talk to him for a year. She slowly came around to letting him back in her life. Her S's are now in their late 30's and the two of them are still together. She told me to be patient and that my H will come back.

  Here's another great story. On New years eve while out with some of H and my friends I got to talking with one of the woman. She asked me a few questions about my H. I told her that he has issues to work on and asked if she knew what a MLC was. She said yes and pointed at her H. I was surprised, I had no idea. She said it was 10 years ago and it was a bad one. I asked if he had an A and she said yes. Like my H her's never monstered at her either. Her H was gone just under two years. This past July they got married after being together for 20 years. She said his MLC is why it took so long to get married. They are so much in love with each other and he looks at her with such passion in his eyes. I told her that I had heard that the new relationship is better then it was before. She said it truly is and in the end it made it all worth it. She also told me that the people in H club are just waiting for this to pass. They don't like the ow and don't talk to her. They say she is weird.

  After 10 months of this and very little contact from my ol friends from my H club I have been starting to get a few calls and messages from some of the women. They say they are tired of not being allowed to talk with me and they want to start being friends again. This is a very close and closed club. H wanted me gone in the beginning and so my friends were told to stay out of things. I can feel the change in the air.

  These stories have given me so much encouragement in my stand. The last story lifted me up so high. I got a small glimpse into his world. It makes me feel so good to know that they all have high hopes for our reconciliation. I will just keep on keeping on with my GAL with a smile on my face.

-Stand
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Offline Nas

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #49 on: January 08, 2019, 03:30:25 AM »
All of these stories, like most return stories, involve spouses who were gone two years or less. Makes me wonder if there are any known stories of returns after 5 years or more.

I’m not standing ever since he disappeared when I got cancer. But I do still get a weird feeling of discouragement when every reconnection/reconciliation/return story involves much shorter timelines than most of what we see here. There are thousands of registered users on HS, probably a couple hundred active or semi-active users, and the majority seem to have spouses who have been gone over 3 years, many well over three years.

So for most, 2 years sounds like a blip on the radar and returns within that time make me wonder if they are MLTs or even non-MLC affairs.
Married 8 years at BD, together 16.
BD March 2015
H moved out July 2015
I found out about OW March 2016 (She went to high school with H, long distance EA since September 2014, became PA November 2015)
H moved 1100 miles to live with OW June 2016
I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer June 2017
H became a vanisher

 

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