[Snowdrop]

Don't waste your lives praying and waiting for something to happen.  Get out there and live your life.  If your MLCer finds his/her way back to you, then WONDERFUL.  If your MLCer is willing to work and truly prove to you, their sincere regret for wasting ONE MOMENT of their life with you, then why wouldn't you grab that?  If they are not.... why would you WASTE a single moment more, trying to make them want you!

We have to let ourselves live.  If life offers us something better, be it the return or our loved one, or the arrival of a new one, then we should grab it, enjoy it and share ourselves.

Please my friends.  Choose to live!  Choose to live well!  Choose to live this privileged life you have been granted, as fully as you possibly can.  NO REGRETS, my friends.  All of you have tried everything, if you move on, your God wanted you to.  Make no mistake.  There is NOBODY on this forum that has not and is not giving their Spouse, every possible opportunity to resume their lives with us.  If they can't see that, then it is certainly not your fault.

Well said!!  This is exactly how I feel about it too, and now I am off the hamster wheel, even though I am exhausted, think that I can't spend anymore time on H and wondering if or when he would contact.  I have let him go, and with that comes a sense of freedom for me to grow and see what is in store for me and my children.  Who knows what tomorrow brings re H, but I'm sure as heck not sitting around waiting to find out.  If we are to stay apart then so be it.  This man doesn't define me, and who am I to judge his journey.  I think this comes with acceptance.

We need to focus on us and if our paths are to cross then they will, and if they aren't, there's nothing we can do to change it.  As we have learned on this site, there is nothing we did to cause it, and nothing we can do to stop it.  A good reason to "live as they are never coming home"..... it really helps.



I shouldn't do this, as it is not my thread... but YES!  YES!  YES!  This is exactly what we should do.  If our paths are meant to cross, they MOST DEFINITELY WILL, until then... LIVE and LIVE WELL!  hugs Stayed

[31andcounting]

Wow Songanddance, that was very nice of your friend to acknowledge your growth   Very nice of you to share!
I would agree
(hugs)
31andcounting

[stayed]

I agree 31, what an amazing confirmation S&D.  You must feel so good about yourself.  I know none of us would have chosen to go through this, but there is almost ALWAYS a silver lining, to every dreadful ordeal!

Hugs Stayed

[Wounded Bird]

I have been on te page of enjoy life and live it to its fullest. However, I'm finally thinking why am I bending over backward to bring h home. If h wants to reconcile then h will make that clear, ...getting to the attitude of if you don't love ,me why should I love you? Yea!!

[Greenapple]

I'm trying to embrace acceptance. My H served me papers he had prepared New Years Day in response to my suicide attempt. Then he tried throwing me out of my home. I hung in. Am home and he lives elsewhere part of the week. My point is: clearly he hates me. He doesn't make eye contact or speak to me much And we are essentially NC but living together half time. It's a nightmare. I think for me I primarily feel sadness not anger. Shock and disbelief still at times. I look over at him and he never steals a glance at me. I am still attracted to him physically and I often wonder if he feels anything like that toward me but I'm pretty sure he's banging a 24 yr old. He's 44. Most days I struggle to go the whole day without crying and every day I tell myself not to think about the future. When I do I get too suicidal. Lately I've been giving myself permission to NOT feel pain or grief. I also hug myself since I have no one and I say " I love you" if I feel uneasy. It's effective but I do still cry often. Trying to stop doing it every day. Its not good

[stayed]

I'm finally thinking why am I bending over backward to bring h home. If h wants to reconcile then h will make that clear, ...getting to the attitude of if you don't love me, why should I love you? Yea!!

Exactly Wounded Bird!  You can't MAKE a person LOVE YOU! Seriously, we don't hit our head against the wall over and over again!  Why would we subject ourselves to REJECTION, DISRESPECT, INDIFFERENCE?  If they don't want us, that is THEIR LOSS! 

Get healthy!  Find the joy and peace within yourself.  Share your wonderful self with people that want to be around you, who enjoy your company as much as you enjoy theirs.  Stop hitting your head against the wall! 

Hugs Stayed

[stayed]

A friend of mine sent me this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDc_5zpBj7s

I just love it... hugs Stayed

[Blackhen]

Ha ha ha!!   

I love it too, Stayed - thanks for sharing!!!

xox

[LaughLoveLive]

Lovely thread, some great posts. Especially stayed in response to excellent questions from LisaLives.

 I also took  on board the reminder from LL that MLC lasts on average 7-10 years. I am starting to feel "done" but it's only been three years so I can't really expect H to be "done"

I suppose what I'm feeling is done with looking backwards at what was and ready to look forward to what may be. LBS stage of "acceptance". Phew what a journey it's been for the last three years to get to this stage. But now I feel like I can stop and rest awhile.

[Wounded Bird]

LLL: I've only been in for a  year but I feel like I'm close to the stage of acceptance.  I still question if my H is even in MLC, he most closely fits being a low-energy wallower, but I'm still not sure.  This marriage has certainly seen better days!  What I don't understand is that doesn't MLC usually start sometime before we realize it? I'm wondering if I am dealing with MLC, then how far in are we actually.  I know we are over a year out but I don't know what's been brewing inside him for so long.

It's easy to look back and know what you should change but oh so difficult to look ahead and get perspective and make major life decisions.  I ask for God's guidance but God gave me feet and a brain for a reason so one day a choice will be made by me. 

LLL: Rest for a while then a new journey can being.