[OldPilot]

That makes sense SnD

Thanks for clarifying.

Agree with S&D, she gave  you a much better explanation, thanks.

[UnconditionalLove]

After our mediation, I left and went to the car.  My H came to my car and rubbed my face and said I'm sorry.  I have no idea what he was sorry for or which thing he did that he was sorry for.  He has done so much stuff against me that there is no way he will remember all of it.  I doubt too that I will get a sorry from him as he won't remember.  We are at the tail end of our divorce and he's still in replay with OW. They have started a couple of business together in her name.  He's doing the same thing to her he did to me.  She's running everything.  I have been told here on the board that my H is one of the worst MLCer they have seen.  He doesn't stop being aggressive and passively aggressive towards me then he'll be all nice talking to me.  It's like if he does something nice I need to look out because something is coming.  I have been dealing with this for a year now.  His escape is huge!

[ethansmama05]

OH wow, its like you are telling my story. My H bought a car paid cash and put in OW name. I am also in the trail end of my divorce. My H lives with OW and is miserable. Monster's on me all the time, and says that I was a horrible wife the whole 9 years. I think after his bar goes out of business and the divorce is final and he sees how much he is going to have to pay me in child support I think he will spiral down to rock bottom.

[eloise61213]

OMG! How did i miss this awesome thread? Stayed is on fire!!! and I love it. 
I think if I am not mistaken, the timeline starts at BD,,,? And that was in 2013. Our divorce was finalised September 2014.  I do not hear much from him at all. The only time I hear from him is when he wants something and if he doesn't get his way, he runs back to the lawyer. I am thinking, he knows the only way to get to me is to deplete me financially and he is doing just that. He wants all the attention for himself. He also tell people it is my fault for this divorce. Blames me for his unhappiness. I have a difficult time accepting this but there is nothing I can do to convince these other people. I just pray that one day the truth will come out. He even refused to honour our boy's wish. Oh well!!!

Being a LBS is very confusing for me.  I guess this is where my growth comes in. I have to learn to accept that the kids will still have a relationship with him even though it kills me that he is so mean to me. He also lied to the IRS thus I get a very small amount of child support. He has anger issues......
Sometimes I wonder if it is MLC? How do you define that? He is 57 and this started 2 years ago. Some of the things he said goes hand in hand with what I read here......For example: he used to monster at me for the smallest and ridiculous thing. He brought things up from 20+ years ago. Once he was done yelling, he would say, I hate to do this to you. .....? And once he said, the marriage vows were written by man thus is not God's words.

I think I have move on....just that my left brain wants answers.  Will I be able to get them?
One of you mentioned that new man will have flaws as well and I agree with that. What if both of us (new man & I) are LBS?
Just like ethansmama posted, my ex took out a life insurance and OW is the secondary beneficiary after me, not the kids. He has to take that life insurance per court order while we still have a minor child.
I must admit I was very calm during the divorce. He monstered at his lawyers. His reason for a divorce is because I yell too much. ..... oh Well!!

Since BD, i have to get a job (we were self business owners) and be a single mum. Like most of you, I too made new friends and very awesome ones. I am enjoying my "freedom". The only set back is finances.  BUT< I know in time, I will be fine.

I was a mess in the beginning and thought I was the only one. I was surprised when I found this site and knowing that it (sorry) is just not me helped me alot to open up. I had a very nice mentor and of course Stayed pulled me through. THANK YOU!

So, I am here and my ex is living with OW prior to divorce ....1.5 years now. I will sit back and relax and see where all this will end up. Not that MLC range is 2-7 years, ........ I know I have grown but I still have some more work to do. If not for the the ex for the next man in my live.
Hugs to all of you for your inspiration.

[stayed]

Good to hear from you eloise61213... you are sounding so good.  If we don't learn anything from this, then all this pain was for not...  I refuse to believe we went through this for NOTHING.  No WAY, we did not go through this for nothing... we will learn and grow!

Hugs Stayed

[Faithfully Yours]

After our mediation, I left and went to the car.  My H came to my car and rubbed my face and said I'm sorry.  I have no idea what he was sorry for or which thing he did that he was sorry for.  He has done so much stuff against me that there is no way he will remember all of it.  I doubt too that I will get a sorry from him as he won't remember.  We are at the tail end of our divorce and he's still in replay with OW. They have started a couple of business together in her name.  He's doing the same thing to her he did to me.  She's running everything.  I have been told here on the board that my H is one of the worst MLCer they have seen.  He doesn't stop being aggressive and passively aggressive towards me then he'll be all nice talking to me.  It's like if he does something nice I need to look out because something is coming.  I have been dealing with this for a year now.  His escape is huge!

Hello Unconditional:

I totally understand where you are coming from and how you feel. I too was told that my Ex was one of the worst MLC'ers. He continues to be hateful and vengeful whenever possible. Please know that you are not alone in this journey. Keep working on you and you will thrive. Hugs.

Faithfully.

[toomanytearss]

I don't think mine is the worst, but I too get very nervous when he is nice.  That's when I need to have my guard up the most.  He gets an A+ in manipulation.  That's very hard to get through my brain, that when he's nice I need to electrify the fences. 

[Songanddance]

There is an increasing number of newbies to this site so I am bumping this up and recommending that you look at the previous two threads as we have tried to look at the LBS journey in this MLC mess and thread 1 deals with BD and the early days.

I also wanted to look at detaching.  There are some brilliant threads/stickies on this in resources but I notice that many newbies see detachment as a straight line and then berate themselves when they go backwards.

I see it similar to a dance all by itself - set to a salsa rhythm.

So here goes- Forward- backward -forward -forward - stop
                        Forward- forward -turn and sway
                        Forward- backward- backward- forward- stop
                        Shimmy to the left shimmy to the right and sway.

In our pursuit of detachment we all go forward, we all go backwards (I have recently) we all stop and wonder what next? We all sway with indecision and we all shimmy left and right to accommodate others (including H, children, colleagues and friends)

The main thing is to accept this and keep your eyes forward even though your feet want to do something else.

[joseph38]

Well , its been three months since the affair and the bomb drop and the the divorce papers being thrown in my face , she shows no remorse , only im sorry that you hurt i really am , cant talk about it the relationship we had , or the affair she is not the person i married i dont know what stage i am i do know i have good days and bad days but i highly doubt she is ever going to come back i mean i was the only stability she ever had in her life she knows that i love her but she dont want to hear about it i just dont understand how 6 years of a marriage and all the memories dont exist in that womans mind
we have a four year old daughter i rarely ever see no guilt on that from her she just says she will be fine

[HeartTattoo]

we have a four year old daughter i rarely ever see no guilt on that from her she just says she will be fine

joseph,

I am sorry you are going through this terrible experience.  But you have come to a place where there is lots of information & lots of support.  Keep reading the articles & posting & reading others' threads.

You have been given advice about detaching & boundaries & no R talk.  I hope that you have gotten yourself legal advice, since your W has apparently done so.  Why are you not seeing your D?  With your W's history & her current behavior, your D needs your stability & strength.  You need to assure that your D is being cared for properly & not exposed to situations or people that could be harmful to her.  If for no other reason, get legal advice about this & secure regular & frequent visitation, if not joint (or even full) custody.

Hugs,
HT