[stayed]

Once we accept and let life lead us in the direction we should go, EVERYTHING becomes so much easier! 

Sounding good toomanytears...

hugs Stayed

[MIMIx]

Stage 5 Acceptance
I think Im here, have been for a few months.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but it feels very emotionally neutral.  I am able to face the fact that I may be a single person...no tears, no fears.  I still feel some anger towards H, but only because he continues to make such mind numbing decisions.  

It's not scary, or sad, or anything anymore.  It just is what it is.  My fear of dividing our assets has subsided.  I think I've done a good job of keeping things together in my job, at the house, at the summer vacation home.  I've learned A LOT.  Mostly, I've learned that I'm very capable and very strong.  I feel very strong.  Things do not really weigh heavily on me any longer.  I feel the accomplishment in tackling projects and completing them over time.  Rome wasn't built in a day!  

[MIMIx]

Part 2 con't
Having cursor problems on this site!
I just want others to know that Acceptance seems to be what your aiming for.  What my h does, says, thinks, no longer worries me.  He's entitled to think any which way he wants, just as I am entitled to think my own way too. I'm ready to look out for myself and my family.  When he wishes to rejoin us, he is going to have to run to catch up with us.
I've read many times that we should just tell our spouse that we are sorry that they feel this way.  Well, I really am sorry that he feels this way.  But, that's just too bad for him!  I don't feel this way.  I love my life and look forward to the balance of it.  

[HeartTattoo]

When he wishes to rejoin us, he is going to have to run to catch up with us.

MIMix,

I know that we all progress at our own pace depending on a lot of different variables, but I'm beginning to believe that the 2 1/2-3 year mark may be a turning point for many. BD was three years ago next month for me & I too have felt nearly completely detached for several months. I hadn't really thought of it in terms of acceptance, more as an emotional distance from it all.

My H has done me the "favor" of setting up all of the hurdles in pretty short order & I've jumped them all--he left home immediately to live with the OW, became pretty much a vanisher, got his D just past the 2 1/2 year mark, & immediately M'ed the OW. What is there left to fear?

All of the advice is here--take care of yourself, get healthy, GAL, get support, work on emotional detachment, protect yourself financially, & eventually the "gift of time" will reward you with a sense of peace or acceptance or detachment.

My life is 180 degrees from where it was 3 years ago, partly from necessity, but also by choice, MY choice. From housewife to full-time job, from country to city, from faithful wife to Stander to looking for new relationships.

IF my H ever wants to return, he will indeed have to run, not only to catch up with me, but to catch up with the honest, honorable man he used to be & the remorseful, insightful, appreciative man I would want to live with.

Hugs,
HT

[MIMIx]

Wel said, HT.  Yes, the best advice is all here.
  People have to trust themselves enough to make that decision to turn away and Walk their own path.
I trust that my h will eventually want his family life once again.  Really, I think he wants it right now but cannot yet find his way back.  And where will I be?  I'm no longer afraid that I can't make it alone.  I'm pretty happy to be making plans for myself.  I've dropped the hope, the longing, the desire to have him return.  And, once again, each day that I see the sun rise on the horizon, it brings a warm smile to my face.  This I am very, very happy about.

[Medusa]

I know that we all progress at our own pace depending on a lot of different variables, but I'm beginning to believe that the 2 1/2-3 year mark may be a turning point for many. BD was three years ago next month for me & I too have felt nearly completely detached for several months. I hadn't really thought of it in terms of acceptance, more as an emotional distance from it all.

I agree. I will be 3 years in March, and while I've accepted many things, it's been more recent that I realize I've truly accepted them.

MIMix, I do feel it's an emotionally neutral place. I occasionally feel some sadness about how things have happened, but mostly it just "is". More so, I am more interested in seeing what comes after now that my life is fully mine (with the caveat that I do still have some hurdles such as divorce to wade through).

[MIMIx]

Medusa,
I think we all go through so darn much that's there isn't much else left at the end.  Might as well give up.  Hehehe.  Surrender to the Universe.
Besides, your wheels just spin and you go NOWHERE.  The sooner you stop spinning, the better your life will be.

[Searching4Answers]

BD will have been 3 years ago at the end of the month   and I have definitely changed.
I still have brief moments where I remember the all the crap and feel anger but they are not often and not very intense.
I don't feel like this mess defines me anymore (again I have my moments). I used to feel that the injustice that I suffered needed to be worn on my sleeve. I needed to people to know that I was wronged by the man that I loved - I needed them to know that I did not deserve this!
I have let go of this - yes, there is injustice in the world and many people have suffered wrongs that they did not deserve. I am no different than anyone else and I won't let it define who I am.   

[anchor]

Hey there, 

I seem to be going through all the 5 stages every month. Although I haven't felt too much anger - apart from the moments I caught him lying so bluntly. I am so ready for acceptance and I do feel glimpses of it, but am certainly not there yet. I still need to be isolated to mourn and come to terms with the end of our old relationship. I do feel the old relationship is over, and I can't see myself going back to how it was. It would have to be a new kind of format I guess. But before I get there, I want to fully accept and feel whole myself. Does it just take time? How did this work for all of you who are accepting? Did it just happen or did you do things to get there? What was it?


Take care in the meantime

[PJ]

anchor.  for me it was meditation leading to mindfulness leading to the philosophy of Buddhism. (jon Kabit-zinn)  being able to live in the moment or being able to pull yourself back from thoughts or outcomes.  nothing ever works out the way you make it up in your head.  still have my moments though but i can pull them back to my NOW reality.

sometimes its like thinking what would i have done if he had died.  he didn't physically but the guy that i once  knew did.  i am sure his core is still there but unsure when that will surface.  he is highly sensitive kind of guy and this man now, well i can see he is looking for something and the way he is looking for it in all the wrong places - changing location, women, clothing, music,.....   well i dont like that guy.  nor would i be dating him now.  because he thinks he is someone else who is cool and funky and as one with teenagers.  i know he knows underneath this is bull$h!te, but he is the only one to come through it. 

through mediation and just being (sitting and deeply thinking) i can really ask myself the big questions and answer them profoundly as at the end of the day it is MY head.  don't kid yourself.  dont let anyone else inluence how your really feel.  your the only one who has to live within yourself.  be really truthful about your feelings.  land on soft ground and be gentle with the person you are.  believe that you can be a whole person.  time....  time for you...  time for him.... time.  sucks but you really have to want to know yourself..  hope this helps..   just the way i helped myself