[ruggedendurance]

Since all of this has started I can easily see other marriages that have ended in this type of disaster.   I know of two men that walked from a good marriage and home about twenty years ago.    They are still chasing women and have no interest in slowing down.

My little sister left a good husband and home to have sex with a guy she knew from her younger days.   The affair fell flat so she just set her sights on another guy.....

She has been in crisis for 5yrs now.    I asked her some pointed questions about her behavior and she disappeared for about 6 months.    If I am supportive of her and don't ask any questions?   She hangs around and complains about her life..........

I've come to believe that people HATE to change.     They will fight it tooth and nail.    They spend the bulk of their time convincing themselves they are right.    Even if their life is a disaster.   They just blame the next thing in line............

The question I ask myself...........  Is she capable of change?    Is she EVER going to look inside?   

We know our x's better than anybody else.     If we believe they can pull up the strength to fix themselves then we should consider "standing"

If we decide that the best they can be is less than we would want for ourselves...............?

[Thunder]

rugged,

Sadly, I have seen that, too.  One man left a good marriage years ago and still is out chasing women.  One man took over 15 years to come back.

They claim women go through their crisis faster than most men.  5 years or less being the average.  Where men can take 2 to 10 years (2-3 is very uncommon).

But you're right, we can only look at our spouse and what type of MLCer they are.  All so different.  I forgot to add:
Monster vs no monster.

[Lost]

Wow IANTE that is excellent work!

from the statistics could we hypothesize that the longer it goes the less chance of a return

No, not necessarily, for the moment at least we can't say that as the site is only 4 years old, so it is normal we note more 'early' returns for now.

Would be interesting to mark also by year: how many joined, how many of these we know now that they reconciled, how many not (so far) and how many left the site?

[Ready2Transform]

The number cruncher in me loves the stats, IANTE, but I still feel like Thunder - the variables for each individual are what make the difference, not a particular timeline.  No guarantees, guys!  That's LIFE!

[Returned]

Wow iante thanks for the information....it would be interesting to break down standers with minor children, adult children, and no children.

[patience.of.a.saint]

The tough part about this whole deal is that even if there were statistics, it would be no guarantee. They all seem to follow the same basic script, but they're still all different people.

[OldPilot]

Here would be my .02 on the subject.

I have read somewhere that 10% of people that divorce nationally reconcile
and remarry their spouse.

I also have been given and subscribe to the following advice.

In the END the LBS gets to choose whether to reconcile or not.
If you have not yet gotten that chance then it is not yet THE END!

[june]

Ohio State Research found that the average length of a first separation in first marriage is 4 years. For those who reunite (21%), the average separation length is 2 years. The 3 year mark is statistically the point of no return, where only outcomes observed were continued separation and divorce. Hispanics and blacks are statistically more likely to stay separated than divorce. If you marry really young and are not yet 30, odds of reconciliation are lower that for older couples.

According to Census data released in 2010, 2% of the population claimed to be separated from their spouses,9% claimed to be currently divorced, 30% of people over the age of 15 claim never have been married, and 10% of divorced couples reconcile and remarry. http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2009.html

When you include couples who remain separated for life, you get close to the misleading 50% marriages end in divorce statistic. In truth, it's less likely that a first marriage ends in divorce, more than likely a second marriage will end in divorce, and the majority of third marriage end in divorce.

Because statistics are age and other factor dependent some people have created risk calculators that might give you more hope. One is here: http://www.divorce360.com/content/divorcecalculator.aspx

Age groups of women getting divorced:
Under 20 - 27.6%
20 to 24 - 36.6%
25 to 29 - 16.4%
30 to 34 - 8.5%
35 to 39 - 5.1%

Age groups of Men getting divorced:
Under 20 - 11.7%
20 to 24 - 38.8%
25 to 29 - 22.3%
30 to 34 - 11.6%
35 to 39 - 6.5%

[LisaLives]

http://glo.com/relationships/we-got-remarried-to-each-other-1533156.story

This is an article that refers to the Kalish book that cites 6% as the number of spouses who divorce and remarry eachother.  But, even with this, I know, personally (not including famous people) who remarried and divorced AGAIN, so 6% is not necessarily successful R's, either.  But, I also know (and know one personally) some couples who never D, but live apart, with other partners, for a long time and get back together, so that 6% would never include them. 

And then, I would urge you to Google "The Median is not the Message" by Stephen J Gould.  It's about cancer, but relevant.  Statistics, averages, and everyone else's experience will not be your own and should not dictate your actions or beliefs.  You might be THE ONE, there is no way to know, and if that's what you want, and believe, then believe it. 

But, if you want to go by statistics, my therapist says there is research that shows, most will "turn" back to the spouse within two years, or, if not, they will start to catch on after their THIRD significant R breaks down, because it will only be then that they realize their s@#$ is not going away and they can't keep blaming it on "the other person."  And I think that when I look around, that does seem to play out.  A lot of people are SLOW learners...  But again, you are ONLY one and you can be whichever ONE you choose to be, so stand if it suits you!  Love and light, ll 

[Thundarr]

"3 years is the point of no return" and "most will turn back to the spouse after two years or after their third significant R breaks down" is certainly not what I wanted to hear today.  Ugh!