[UnconditionalLove]

What do you think? I know we have read everything there is to read about how unhappy our MLCer's are.  I know this is about depression in both forms Covert, Overt or Manic high and depression low but is it possible they are really happy at least during the Manic or the replay with now thought to what they are doing, have done are going to do? It's a running period and a time they don't want to think but do they push that thinking so far back they don't really see anything for months or does it pop up in between their great times?  I was just wondering if they have such a happy time for many months that they really do think they are happy, free and in love and have just moved on without any thought of us because there isn't any thought to us, everything is rosy turning out they way they want. Or is it mixed?  I guess I'm wondering if we would like them to be unhappy but they aren't.

I would love to discuss this with all you bright and wonderful people.

[nah]

I'm sure they cycle, just like we do. 

Post BD I was a puddle but even just a few weeks later, I would have some great times and think I was happy.  Then I would crash again.  I don't see why it would be any different for them.  If everything about it is bad, bad, bad, then they would stop.

[UnconditionalLove]

Yeah you are right.  It's an up and down thing.  But I think we sometimes what our MLC'ers to be hurting so much we want them to be more unhappy then they actually are in early stages.  I don't know, I certainly am not the person to ask or even answer really on any of this.  But, I know that many people who are manic love the manic feeling and manic makes some people really happy. 

[ruggedendurance]

Just my 2 cents.

In the case of my xw.     She was unhappy when she left.     She had the OM to run to and that seemed to be the catalyst to leaving.    He gave her enough support to run away.

That was over two years ago.    We've been NC for just about all of her crisis.

I see pictures that show a depressed person.      I hear bits and pieces about her life.   It appears that the affair was short lived.    Lasting only three for four months.

Currently.    She is sharing an apartment with an older woman that has some medical issues.    I've been told.    There is no OM in her life.

When we were married.     Our life was pretty much constant activity.    She loved to be on the lake or just about any activity that was outside.    She had some large flower gardens in our yard.    We remodeled the house I live in.     We would bowl, golf, fish, dance and often times just drive to a place we hadn't been.

For her to go from being active and alive to living in an apartment with a disabled older person would suggest that the dream has hit reality.    I hear she goes to bingo on Tuesdays.

I still have no idea if she is asking herself for answers.

[Split open and melt]

Hard to know. Obviously we can't really ask them, and they'd just lie anyway. I take the way she still monsters at me over insignificant things and still tries to control me as a sign that she is unhappy.

All I know is I am working on being happier each day and am a much happier place then last year!

[UnconditionalLove]

I think one of the things is we see stages and I read that the stages don't always go in order so depression of some sort like your W's could have been from the beginning and stayed.  Since every mid lifer does a lot of things the same but yet they are different.

My H's choice to leave was driven by the 32 year old he needed, was obsessed about and was ready to leave everything behind for.  10 months later they are still together but what prolongs everything is H in on state and OW in another.  He just wants this divorces so he can be more Happy, happy, happy.  I'd like to think he's thinking but what 52 year old man wouldn't be happy with a 32 year old child/adult?  I guess I'm thinking he's going to be happy for some time before the big fall.

However, I do see his world crumbling.  He's not getting his work done because he's always flying to meet up with her.  He's getting closer to losing his world. He just pulled something last week and came up missing and didn't fulfill something that is going to lose the business money.  Not sure where that fits in to being happy other than his happy is destroying his life to the point he will become unhappy at some point.

Uh, yes the monstering!  You are right that would probably be a sign of not being as happy as they could be. I guess that would also mean they are still thinking too.

[bipolared]

In the case of my H-he drank and cried a lot right before he moved out.  That was last Jan.  He cycled a bit until he began his love affair with OW2 in March.  He was with her for about 4 months and later said he didn't think about the kids and me at all with her and seemed pretty up(yet 2 months in he was calling me and all shark-eyed).  The whole year he has seemed to be mostly down;  if he has been "happy" it has been when he stays really busy and parties.  He recently told me he is no happier than he was before he moved out and doesn't ever feel like doing anything.  So I would say they have very brief euphoric periods that are mostly fueled with outside stimulants. If they are unhappy, they won't admit it even to themselves.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

My wife would vary between manic and sullen in the early days. I thought she was on drugs, my daughter thought she was bi-polar. Now she looks like she aged 6 years in 6 months and my other daughter says when they talk on the phone she's always ending the call by saying she's tired or she doesn't feel good.

[Medusa]

Mine said a number of times they he could "come home and be miserable"; so he moved out (at my behest) and whether or not he's now happy is of no concern of mine. If he's happy--truly happy--them good for him. I tend to think not on the rare occasions that I see him: all he does is complain about things.

But, again, it's not my problem. When we can let go and stop worrying about them, their issues, whether or not they arerw happy, our life gets better.

And honestly, this question goes straight to one of the many things OP tells us on his first post: live your life as though they aren't coming back. We all know they might not or, if they do, we may not want them, a yeah. Let go and let the process happen.

[Thunder]

This is so hard on us.  We hear them talk, seriously, about being unhappy and needing to find this elusive happiness they are missing....but most of them really never find it.

The reason is they have convinced themselves they can find this wonderful, great fantasy life wth another person.  Someone new and exciting.  Some soul mate out there who will make their lives wonderful....more fun and make them "happy."  Such an elusion.

Reality just does not work that way.  Yes, you can find some new person to make you feel excited and passion kicks in but that is NOT true happiness or lasting love.  It is nothing more than a strong physical, sexual response.  Lust is strong, addicting and has a very exciting effect on a person. 

It takes time for this kind of passion to wear off.