[Braveheart]

This is the old "When Harry met Sally" discussion, isn't it?

Well, if I remember the film well (and I've seen it numerous times) - Harry felt the same as many of the men on this thread.  Men and Women couldn't just be friends.  Sally disagreed.  The two (eventually) became friends...and even later, fell in love. (it was a movie, after all).

I have a very good male friend that I have no interest or expectation that I would ever be in a romantic relationship with him. 

I am NOT so sure that he feels the same way...and that concerns me...a bit.

Men and women (for the most part) see this differently.  As Harry would say "the sex always got in the way."

It's a shame.....as I would bet that there are many members of the opposite sex that any of us could or would find to be a very good friend....maybe acquaintance is the better term?

L

Speaking as a man, in the past I never got as much out of friendship with a woman as I gave. I've always done far more for them than they ever did for me, but then they really don't have a lot to offer compared to what another guy can.

[Dji76]

I have 2 female friends that are strictly plutonic. One is married (im friends with her husband as well) and one is single. Both are pretty but I'm not attracted to either sexually. They are Not as close to me as my closest male friends, but we are quite close. I see the potential difficulties that could arise with female friends... There is usually attraction from at least one side. In my case with these two women it has not been an issue at all.

[elray]

I think among younger women, especially good looking younger women, there is a tendency to friend zone boys that aren't making the grade of a sexual relationship, and a tendency to use those boys for emotional needs or day to day help.  They tend to collect guys like this, and lead them on, just a little bit, while offering very little else in return.   I had a lot of study buddies in college that definitely fit into this category.

From that experience alone, I'm not interested in "friends" with women -- female relationships have always been very one-sided in my experience, much like Brave Heart mentioned, and the amount of common interests are also rarely sufficient to drive an intellectual bond, as the mad hatter commented. 

OP -  your experience is decidedly not my experience -- however, maybe that will change based on the quality of women I meet in the future -- but I have ALWAYS been of the Harry Met Sally school once I got old enough to look back on my own personal experiences with some emotional distance.  I will say that although I haven't met any women from HS in person, there are ladies here who are closer to me than any other female relationship outside my wife -- I'm closer with them than I am with my mother or my 3 sisters.

[superdog]

There is actually a few men on this site i could see myself going for a beer with.
Elray i like the things you say and find myself nodding along with you. You too  Braveheart and i liked to read lanzo's thread. I am a very feminine tomboy.

I dont believe in men woman friendships where any attraction exists. Trouble on one side for sure. You give more sometimes because you want more.

I wont ask you guys out for a beer, cos i'm clearly hotter than a baked potato straight out the oven, so it just wouldn't work

Sd
X

[bookwrmmom]

I wont ask you guys out for a beer, cos i'm clearly hotter than a baked potato straight out the oven, so it just wouldn't work

ROFLMAO

[Mad Hatter]

I wont ask you guys out for a beer, cos i'm clearly hotter than a baked potato straight out the oven, so it just wouldn't work

Sd
X

[superdog]

Ha ha Mad hatter, i come from the home of whiskey and believe me when i tell you not even a full bottle would make either you or i believe i had a rack like this lady.

 

Sd
X

[OldPilot]

OP -  your experience is decidedly not my experience -- however, maybe that will change based on the quality of women I meet in the future -- but I have ALWAYS been of the Harry Met Sally school once I got old enough to look back on my own personal experiences with some emotional distance.  I will say that although I haven't met any women from HS in person, there are ladies here who are closer to me than any other female relationship outside my wife -- I'm closer with them than I am with my mother or my 3 sisters.

It may also be an age thing, tbh, like with age comes wisdom......??

And hormonally the older men get the more our hormones make us think with the proper brain(should be using the one between the ears) not the other one.
I know men are more emotional the older they get too.
And women are the opposite, less emotional more testosterone(as they get older)

So that plays into this whole discussion too!

[stayed]

Interesting conversation.  I have never believed that "men and women" can be friends... at least really good friends.  I have always felt that one of the two, probably wanted "more" then just being friends.  That being said, I too have met some lovely men on this forum, that I really do think of as very special friends. 

And hormonally the older men get the more our hormones make us think with the proper brain(should be using the one between the ears) not the other one.
I know men are more emotional the older they get too.
And women are the opposite, less emotional more testosterone(as they get older)

So that plays into this whole discussion too!

Yes, hormone changes due to age, probably do play a big part in this conversation.  Interesting... very interesting!

Hugs Stayed

[Dji76]

I completely disagree... If both are entering and maintaining the friendship for what is and nothing more I don't see why it can't be. I can find my female friends attractive yet not want a sexual relationship with them. My 2 close female friends have been there for me every step of the way through this, just as much or more  than many of my male friends. If both parties go into the friendship with the same expectations it shouldn't be a problem. I can however see how this might change now that I am single. Not with these women, but those I might meet in the future.