[superdog]

I think thats the point DJi76, its the place you are in in yourself that makes all the difference to how you view things.

Eg my h worked beside ow fro 5 whole years, never was attracted or gave it a second thought, then wham MLC dissatisfaction and now she is very attractive. Its easy and safe and you can feel out the possibility of rejection with those you actually know  plus you are half way there cos you already get along.

Nature designed us different and we have an intrinsic purpose regarding the opposite sex.

Just imo.

[Dji76]

I'm in the process of divorce and basically single now. My feelings/intentions towards my 2 female friends hasn't changed, nor has theirs towards me. Is it possible that most of us having spouses that cheated with someone that was a "friend" may be skeptical? I agree it's not the norm but don't think it's as difficult as many are making it out to be. Maybe I'm naive ...

[stayed]

I would think that would have some "influence" on your attitude!    hugs Stayed

[Braveheart]

OP -  your experience is decidedly not my experience -- however, maybe that will change based on the quality of women I meet in the future -- but I have ALWAYS been of the Harry Met Sally school once I got old enough to look back on my own personal experiences with some emotional distance.  I will say that although I haven't met any women from HS in person, there are ladies here who are closer to me than any other female relationship outside my wife -- I'm closer with them than I am with my mother or my 3 sisters.

It may also be an age thing, tbh, like with age comes wisdom......??

And hormonally the older men get the more our hormones make us think with the proper brain(should be using the one between the ears) not the other one.
I know men are more emotional the older they get too.
And women are the opposite, less emotional more testosterone(as they get older)

So that plays into this whole discussion too!

I'm 60, still holds true for me .

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I think part of it has to do with how well each of them have been having their emotional needs met by someone else. I'm feeling pretty empty right now and I'd be hesitant to spend much time with the opposite sex.

[Mad Hatter]

I think part of it has to do with how well each of them have been having their emotional needs met by someone else. I'm feeling pretty empty right now and I'd be hesitant to spend much time with the opposite sex.

Probably the most honest answer and some truth to it! No relationship is perfect and not every need gets met. It's impossible & quite selfish to ask someone to meet ALL of your needs. So if the individual cannot meet some of their own needs themselves and requires another (read: co-dependent), then they will seek it out or naturally respond as opportunity presents itself!

[Braveheart]

I've read accounts about this "Needs not Met" business, where one could be meeting 80-90% of the other spouses needs and they still leave the reservation for greener grass. I thinks it's more unrealistic expectations at that level than any real lack of something in their lives.

Betty Freiden touched on this with her book, "Femine Mystique" about "The Problem That Has No Name":

" Each suburban housewife struggled with it alone. As she made the beds, shopped for groceries, matched slipcover material, ate peanut butter sandwiches with her children, chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, lay beside her husband at night, she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question — “Is this all?”stating women wondering while their husbands slumbered "Is this all"

Note, it's all about her, there is no mention of the trials a husband faced everyday to support her and the kids...

[osb]

Note, it's all about her, there is no mention of the trials a husband faced everyday to support her and the kids...

Weeell to be fair, she didn't call it the Masculine Mystique, did she? That's your thread!   

[Braveheart]

Note, it's all about her, there is no mention of the trials a husband faced everyday to support her and the kids...

Weeell to be fair, she didn't call it the Masculine Mystique, did she? That's your thread!   

No, but if you take a look at most relationship material written for women it's very self centered, about her feelings and needs. In the men's literature the focus is far less on the self and how to be the best he can be for his wife , family and community.

[Mad Hatter]

Note, it's all about her, there is no mention of the trials a husband faced everyday to support her and the kids...

Weeell to be fair, she didn't call it the Masculine Mystique, did she? That's your thread!   

No, but if you take a look at most relationship material written for women it's very self centered, about her feelings and needs. In the men's literature the focus is far less on the self and how to be the best he can be for his wife , family and community.

This line right here: "there is no mention of the trials a husband faced everyday to support her and the kids..."

This is the primary issue; it's about her and the kids!

Now look, I know how a mother is with her children, and I am not about to say she should choose her husband over them; I am not an ogre; but this is a large part of the issue and the main reason men feel neglected in the marriage! Once the kids come along, he is no longer relevant except to provide; in essence, he is the means that drives her primary goal; to have and raise HER children. And yes, that is the way she looks at it; they are HERS!

As soon as child #1 comes along, he is now #2. As soon as child #2 comes along, he is #3. and so on, and so on. He will never be #1 with her again; ever!

It's not so much that a woman should put priority over her kids; I would never say that. However, it also doesn't mean you completely dismiss your husband or treat him any less than what he was to begin with. Unfortunately, this is what happens, along with other undesirable events.

And then you have what always happens; he feels rejected and used as he as seen as simply an asset. Her attention and intimacy for him die off; he attempts to resolve the issue by whatever means but eventually just withdraws off to his Man Cave and the next thing you know there are two parallel paths and the marriage ends up just being a partnership of sorts.

No, actually, he starts to resent her but is now trapped in a loveless sexless marriage in which the only way out is to be divorced-raped by the biased court system!