[hopeful2]

 Not everyone goes through MLC. I don't  like the fact I am getting older and I have child hood  issues but I not creating a crisis because of it.Looking back while I was dating my h I can see the hints of evil that was present in him. I was wondering if anyone else could see the traits of MLC  before the crisis. For example my h always been into himself.The night before we got married he was flirting with another woman. I loved so much I choose to overlook and down play it.Do you think that the MLC  just brought out what was hidden in them?

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Good question. Attaching.

[Albatross]

Everyone have shadow. In other words, we are unity of good and evil. Good and evil are just aberration of middle path. If One suppress self, his shadow become bigger and bigger in time, or One become not centered, or One become split in two. We should embrace self light and dark and make unity, centering.

[sleepless]

They don't want to be evil... they just are.
I'm afraid that from time to time they actually realize that and then go right back into it.

[MsT]

I agree with albatross, everyone has some good and evil in them. Most of the time we deny the evil by excercizing impulse control based on our personal value systems. Then in MLC, their sympathetic nervous system fight/flight response is triggered by fear, so they are in a thoughtless panic. Since our body chemistry can't sustain the fight/flight response longer than, say, it would take to outrun a tiger, they cycle with depression. I think they are basically so confused by their screwed up body chemistry that they can no longer excercise their rational impulse control, but at times become aware that they are out of control and feel guilty, then afraid of the impending consequences of their actions, then cycle back into the sympathetic nervous system fight/flight response.
It's just a theory, though, I've been thinking about this waaaaayyyyy too much lately.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

I agree with albatross, everyone has some good and evil in them. Most of the time we deny the evil by excercizing impulse control based on our personal value systems. Then in MLC, their sympathetic nervous system fight/flight response is triggered by fear, so they are in a thoughtless panic. Since our body chemistry can't sustain the fight/flight response longer than, say, it would take to outrun a tiger, they cycle with depression. I think they are basically so confused by their screwed up body chemistry that they can no longer excercise their rational impulse control, but at times become aware that they are out of control and feel guilty, then afraid of the impending consequences of their actions, then cycle back into the sympathetic nervous system fight/flight response.
It's just a theory, though, I've been thinking about this waaaaayyyyy too much lately.

Excellent. I couldn't agree more.

[Airmid]

I think everyone has evil tendencies.  The question is - why do they suppress them prior to showing the signs of MLC and then after MLC hits they really show?

My first thought is - I honestly think they are in such a fog they simply don't have any insight into themselves and don't acknowledge the cruelty.

I will give you an example:  In a face-to-face conversation with H in December (which was cold and unproductive) H actually said to me - "I have been nothing but kind and compassionate though out this whole process".  To which I replied - "You're kidding".
He asked why I thought he had been otherwise.  I gave him examples and he denied that he had either said or done the things I referred to. 

There are only two possible conclusions - he believes what he is saying or he knows he is lying.  I really think he believes it.

I have seen this behavior in non-MCL situations - when the person has a particular image of themselves and needs to resort to revisionist history to prop up the self-image they believe of themselves. 

We have all seen this to a limited degree - think of the person prepping themselves to go to court over a traffic ticket.  They know they are lying about the event - but they repeat the lie so many times to prepare for court  - they start to actually believe it.

In my case I believe H got scared to death when his 45 year old friend suddenly died.
OMG - life is short!  And suddenly H looks around at his life and needs fresh air.
The grass must be greener somewhere else.
OW in this case was an old high school friend who was just coming out of a relationship.
How convenient!

The dribble that spouted forth from his mouth was so nonsensical.

I never loved you (20 years of happy marriage)
I have never been happy (photo albums showing happy H)
I never was sexually attracted to you (obvious lie - no viagra was used)
I can't stand the way you keep the house (we had a maid weekly - the house was spotless)
OW will take care of me - you never did.

In my case H wanted to be with OW to solve his happiness issues.

The urge to escape makes them say these crazy things.
Once in therapy he said - "I have been purposely cold so that she sees there is no hope in our relationship"

However - I don't think MCL excuses the bad behavior - I just think the "amnesia"  is something one may have to deal with if H ever decides to reconcile.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Airmid, Our H are twins. Only it was when mine H died. The rest is almost completely identical.

[MsT]

mine had a friend get a terminal cancer diagnosis. Snapped out of the realm of sanity within days.

[in it]

I agree with Albatross.

As subtle and maybe nonsensical as this is? The ex sneered at me once when we were first living together.

I had never had anybody do that before.