[hawk]

l think for sure some could end up happy and not all of them were happy in their old marriage .
But you would think a lot more of them couldn't end up happy in the new thing. For the simple fact that it can't be a real until they leave their marriage first. Before that it's gotta be all part time and sneaking around and fun ,and never ending honeymoon period.
No real life , real person, bringing out all the usual things good or bad in a normal new relationship that either makes it or breaks it.  They haven't even seen any of that , until they leave their families .
But even after that you can still add ex's , kids , huge money hassles.

So you would just imagine logically speaking , not that many of them could turn out to be the real thing in the long run.
l do know with mine ,if they are still together then it must be pretty sh@t bc w seems like a mess and sure not too happy.
Yet we were like a couple of teenagers with permanent grins for yrs and yrs and much much more, so wth must the om thing be then ?

[patience.of.a.saint]

I was chatting on FB last night with my guy's S19's mom. I did S19's senior pictures last year so we got to be friends. Anyway she was upset about some things Mr. MLC had done recently regarding S19 and we got to talking about his current living situation. S19's mom actually worked with OW a few years back. Apparently, she is quite the piece of work.

"She is a very mean, manipulative, insane, toxic person. Not just to others, but to her children and herself."

That's what she told me. I would hate to be with that...but how does a person ever get OUT of that? S19's mom pretty much said it's going to be hard for him to leave at this point.

Can you imagine what the fireworks must be like there? Mr. MLC vs. Insane OW. It can't be a good time.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

l think for sure some could end up happy and not all of them were happy in their old marriage .
But you would think a lot more of them couldn't end up happy in the new thing. For the simple fact that it can't be a real until they leave their marriage first. Before that it's gotta be all part time and sneaking around and fun ,and never ending honeymoon period.
No real life , real person, bringing out all the usual things good or bad in a normal new relationship that either makes it or breaks it.  They haven't even seen any of that , until they leave their families .
But even after that you can still add ex's , kids , huge money hassles.

Yet we were like a couple of teenagers with permanent grins for yrs and yrs and much much more, so wth must the om thing be then ?

I don't get it either. I think that deep down, they truly believe that the OP's are really what they deserve to end up with.

[Brave heart]

I was talking to a young woman last nights who's we mother left her father for OM. Classic MLC. She mentioned to me that she knows her mom has "settling" for OM because her father is done and will never take her back.

I think a lot of the MLCers probably believe that, true or not. They know what they've done to us is so cruel and heartless that they do settle.

g


I truly belief this is true.....

Can you imagine when they start realise what they have done, lost, and it's just not us, what about friends family, house, good life they had.
People ho don't understand MLC told me I was a fool to start over again, with the w ho has ruined my life, in 2013. To do the same in 2015.

Than there is the fact that we are growing stronger!
I think that's a tuff one, also in there new circle of friends no one would understand that they want to come back to the old situation. All the lays the have told about us. My tells everybody that I'm controlling, only focus on here I have separation anxiety, and some other issues.

[paradigmshift]

moment,

I do not deny that many OW are affair-downs. In my case, the OW sure is. Still, it was my MLCer who initiated contact, who tempted her, who lied to her about us, who wined and dined her, who whispered sweet nothings in her ear until she fell hook line and sinker. And in my case, a $200 dollar allowance a month has the equivalent value of $2000 back in her 3rd world country. I wouldn't be surprised if she defends her catch like a madwoman. And if she does so, whose fault is it?

I'm sorry you have to deal with the OW. I don't think my MLCer's OW even knows I exist. Well, you know what? She can have him. And you probably should adopt this attitude as well. Have you been in a store and the moment you pick an item up, suddenly you find people crowding around, wanting to look at the same item. Yet the moment you put the item down and walk away, they all lose interest? 

[a]

Hi PS

I have let it go a long time ago. I guess there is just a part of me that has not quite accepted that i will never know the why, how or what.

Unlike your H's OW my XH's OW is a lot different.  She is a young corporate, well educated up and coming go getter.   And where i live it is a status symbol to have an older man who also projects that image of success.  Where i live status for many is measured by outward appearances and surrounding yourself with the luxuries of life, the cars the houses, the young nubile wife etc.

I guess OW's come in many shapes and sizes, they range from the innocent and naive to the narcissistic predator.  In my case i think the OW leans more towards the latter.  I certainly do not envy her.  At least when XH met me we were young, innocent and full of hope for the future, i believe Xh's intentions were to marry the person he loved, me but with OW his intentions are questionable and dishonourable to say the least.  You simply do not cheat on the person you are in love with and XH has cheated on OW - maybe like many have said in this discussion the MLCer has settled for less than because that is what they feel they deserve after all the destruction.

take care
moment

[OffRoad]

I also have to think that sometimes it is the "new start" phenomenon.
For the MLCers:
Who are dependent on their children for their identification and their kids are grown and gone -- The chance to have a new set of kids to raise.
Who are with someone who already managed the transition and have changed positively-the chance to have someone like their "old" spouse before transition, because they feel "less than".
Who are unhappy with themselves, but must blame it on their spouse--a new SO without the old baggage.
Who have had to deal with problems with their children (like a learning disability, or mental disorder that is genetic)--the chance to get away from their own feelings of inadequacy since they refuse to deal with the issue anymore.
Who feels like they are getting old--a younger face to look at to deflect their own fears

No 20 years of fighting the school system, no 20 years of "stuff" to look at, no 20 years of putting the kids needs first, no 20 years of bills that sometimes couldn't be paid, no 20 years of knowing that your spouse managed to take this all in stride and isn't falling apart like the MLCer is, and especially, no 20 years of holding it all in instead of actually dealing with whatever was bothering you (which is what often results in the explosion of soul). Fresh start. The MLcer can pretend none of it ever happened and they are now washed again clean and perfect.

And that is the reason why most of the MLC relationships don't, in the final rinse, work. Because the years start piling on, and nothing has changed in the MLCer themselves. And the OP is still a person who would be with an already married person (and possibly cheating on their own mate).

[hawk]

Just wondering , so that thing in shops , when your looking at something , is real then ?

l always think it must be coincidence ,l just have bad timing and the minute l wanna check something out , suddenly so does everyone else.

[OffRoad]

Just wondering , so that thing in shops , when your looking at something , is real then ?

l always think it must be coincidence ,l just have bad timing and the minute l wanna check something out , suddenly so does everyone else.

In my experience it is if the item is unusual.  I liken it to the "If other people want that item, and I get it, I must be superior" theory of life some people have.  This is especially true if there is only one of that item or only one in that color. And it depends on how the first person looks at it. If I hold something up and look at it from all angles and it's something that catches the eye, anyone in the vicinity comes to look at it.

[Returned]

At least in the country I am living women prefer men who are "taken" over those who are single. I find this very strange, the mate "poaching" thing. I would find a married man unattractive, because I would figure if he is willing to cheat on his wife or lie to her, then I would also assume he is willing to cheat on me and lie to me.

Sometimes I feel disgusted with OW for deliberately destroying our marriage, but sometimes I actually feel sorry for her. I doubt she realizes how much my MLCer is in this for personal gain. My MLCer has always been an expert on keeping an innocent countenance, but the first thing he told me at bomb drop was that he had picked her because she had a house and because of her family connections. Then of course he lost his job and now she is supporting him the last two years. So not exactly pure love, more like purely economic interest.