[patience.of.a.saint]

I suppose that makes sense. It's exactly what OW has done to him, emotional kidnapping. I used to see it in his eyes, like once there was this lost little boy in there behind the glass, unable to get out. I saw it last summer one time. He looked like he was about ready to cry, but he didn't. We had just been having a glass of wine & a snack together and when I looked up, he was staring at me with that look....the little boy in there and the utter sadness. I will never forget it.

Now, he doesn't get a chance to come as much so I don't see that kind of thing anymore. OW feels pretty threatened by me and is monitoring his phone and keeping tabs on his whereabouts.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

This may sound crazy but you brought it up. I swear to God once last summer I looked into my wife's eyes and it was like I could see the old her in their begging me to help her. I haven't told that to anyone.

[ruggedendurance]

First off.

You have to quit imagining that you have anything to do with her going insane.

Then?   She was looking for you to save her.    She married you believing you could save her.

She needed salvation long before you ever met her................

Now?   You are in the same boat as the rest of us.

[patience.of.a.saint]

This may sound crazy but you brought it up. I swear to God once last summer I looked into my wife's eyes and it was like I could see the old her in their begging me to help her. I haven't told that to anyone.

Ya, it's the kind of story nobody believes unless they see it for themselves. I KNOW it was not the wine...I only had like a half a glass.

I think they probably all are hoping we will help in some way, but there's only so far one person can help another before the edge gets too slippery and you both fall in.

[Snowdrop]

EMDR involves moving the eyes back and forth while trying to remember traumatic events. It was accidentally discovered that doing this allows these traumatic memories that often are not accessible using other methods to be retrieved and properly processed.

A friend of mine's daughter had this treatment when she was at a clinic specializing in eating disorders.  Her MLC father's behaviour (he abandoned his wife and two children) was thought to have triggered the eating problem/cutting, etc.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

I don't believe I had anything to do with my wife going insane. I think it's pretty clear that I blame her monster of a father.

It is true that I'm in the same boat as everyone else but I'm not afraid to rock the boat if I think it might do some good. 

[hawk]

This may sound crazy but you brought it up. I swear to God once last summer I looked into my wife's eyes and it was like I could see the old her in their begging me to help her. I haven't told that to anyone.

Not at all B . Those windows l talked about with mine , she did actually ask me for help back just after bd. And once or twice around the 6-10mth mark.
lf l had the answer in the first time in particular. l desperately searched my mind for the right things but to no avail .
There were times though, it literally could have saved my marriage , she was that fragile .  it was all about emotion and hurt with mine and my counselors confirmed that many times.

[Howmanytimes]

I have had an insight into their life together by reading the long text thread between them that went back to when he first left.

OW was a total control freak.  Loads of text messages saying Call Me and loads of others saying Where are U.  Also telling him f.u. By text because she could not get the bread out of the breadmaking pan.

He has not spoken about her much since his return but I get the feeling he knew it wouldn't work with her long term. I said to him about when I had my seizure and fell down the stairs and had a fractured skull from it that he could have come around to find me dead at the bottom of the stairs and that would have been awful for him.  I said I expect you would have had to stay with her then.  He said I know it wouldn't have worked with her long term.

He seems to be over her this time. I have noticed a big difference this time then when he returned to me in 2013 after being with her a month.  Having lived with her for five months she started to show her true controlling ways.

He has a special pillow that is one of those neck type pillows and she made him hide it in the wardrobe and get it out each night because she said it made the bedroom look untidy.  I have seen pictures of her Flat on the internet as it is up for sale and she is a total tidy freak.  Only problem is since he has returned home he is even more untidy then he was when he left.  It's driving me nuts.

So No life with the OW/OM is not all sweetness and roses.  They are with selfish and in many cases narcissistic individuals and that wears them down in the end.

Take care

HMT

[willitgetbetter]

I was shocked beyond words.  That's when I knew it was more than he "fell out of love".
 

I have had a few "aha" moments like that on this journey.  People think I am crazy because I still try to believe in the essence of who he was/could be.  It is more about those moments that I am stunned and realize this is bigger than he just fell out of love with me.

My friend who had her own crisis said the men she became entangled were not her soul mates, they were a distraction.  A way to keep her busy and distracted from how she ran away and missed her husband and child. She was convinced the one was her soul mate. Convinced.  Now she is embarassed by him and her involvement with him.  She has nothing to do with him at all.  She closed that door and did not return to it.  It took her months to do so. But once she did. she did.

She said she wasn't happy while she was engaging in this life. But she did have some fun moments.  She finally realized that there wasn't enough fun moments to silence the unhappiness.

Maybe hopefully, ours will get to that point sooner than later...

Curious about what happened in the end. Back to her H?

[living with Hope]

Willitgetbetter,

She tried, he wouldn't let her come home.  He is too destroyed by it all and does not trust that he will survive again if she did and then left again. He has found a new relationship.  He stood for over 2 1/2 years and only when she told him the time she was going to file and completely shut him out did he open himself up to another.