[Jagger]

I have seen that too patient of a saint,

I always saw him as a drama queen. Disproportionate reactions to events. My h also told me that his head is so full of chaos. He feels like he has mice running around inside his brain.

Midlife is not pleasant for normal people, it is hell for those who have demons.

Jagger

[Ready2Transform]

Hoss had the same reaction with crowds.  Even restaurants that were too full would be times when he would start to withdraw and sit in silence, as close to a corner as possible.  Even though we are both huge music fans and musicians, concerts in general were rarely any fun with him, but once we were back in the car, he would be a fun chatterbox.

Seeing him able to socialize and be coherent in large group situations in reenacting I believe is directly related to how deep he would create the "persona" he was portraying.  I think that's why he never had a problem with me not going - this was where he became someone else all along - someone who could cope.

[Jagger]

Yes R2T, my h also took on a larger than life persona at the restaurant. He played the big charismatic restauranteur. I have known him forever, he is not that guy. In fact he was socially inept. I was the sociable person, always making friends. Before we moved to where we are living now, I had Dinner parties almost every weekend. My family and friends.if I am to be honest, he had a hard time really connecting with anyone.

I Loved him for who he was though, now that we closed down the restaurant, he seems lost and is trying to recreate that world. It's not really working out for him, I have gone NC , he just keeps trying to Hoover me back in. I'm not there anymore, after three years of replay, clinging boomerang and false returns. I think I am the one empty if any kind of feeling.

All we can hope for is that they get the help and do the work that they need too. Again, I really don't care anymore

Jagger

[Ready2Transform]

I consider that a moment.  After everything you have done for so long, the detachment is sweet relief.  Not that I don't hope they all dig deep and find the man inside that doesn't need someone to help carry their burdens, but until that time arrives, the cleared head and heart space is a great gift.

[kikki]

Oh gosh, nodding my head here in agreement and recognition of the same behavioural style for my MLCer too.
He was definitely an introvert, which is fine, because the world needs all sorts of people in it, but over the years, I too saw him take on a far more extroverted role, especially when he was 'playing' the big man at work.
I guess one day, this new persona became his full time replay mask.

How exhausting.  I really don't get how they manage to pull it off for so long.

[patience.of.a.saint]

It does have to be exhausting. I know mine has a work persona and one that apparently only I ever saw. Since he works with OW, I think that's the one she probably gets because his son says he acts way different with her. I knew him in high school and he was more like the one I saw. I'm pretty sure the work one is all fake so he can keep it all together in front of everyone else.

[Snowdrop]

I too saw him take on a far more extroverted role, especially when he was 'playing' the big man at work.

Saw that when he was discussing something he was good at, which was his job. 

Outside of that he was socially awkward, as well as paranoid.  If he crossed the floor of a restaurant with a tray coming to the table I could see he was besides himself with paranoia.

He would say irrelevant things out of the blue when around other adults which had nothing to do with the conversation, and then he would throw me under the bus and say to them, "snowdrop says I am this, I'm not am I"   Or he stopped a neighbour once who we hardly speak to as he wanted to show them the bag of groceries "snowdrop made him take back"....only because he bought things we would never eat in a hundred years.  What an idiot!

I know this has been mentioned before on the board but he would pick on clerks, cab drivers, guys staking fruit and vegetables in the store which used to cause a fight (with me as I hated it).  He seemed to do it in order to feel "superior", he would always be, "You need to get your manager to......... or why don't you do this or that......  Mind you he often picked fights over nothing anyway then go to the kids to get them on his side and bad mouth me.  How horrible is that.  Poor kids would just sit there.

[Anjae]

Jagger, I do have dyslexia. Dyslexia, like any other condition/disorder, has different grades/intensities. Mine is very, very mild, but it is there. My dad also had it, exactly like mine. I also have epilepsy. Again, a very mild form of it. No seizures, nothing that people connect with epilepsy. But epilepsy has many forms and grades.

My younger sister have a more severe form of dyslexia. She would not be able to be here on the board writing in English. Even in Portuguese it would be challenging for her. Not because she cannot write Portuguese, she can, but because it would be too much information for her to process, let alone have to answer or debate it.

She is an avid book reader, but that is done at her pace and does not require interaction or replies. And when she is more tired, agitated, anxious, she will have to read and read the same sentence or paragraph until she manages to comprehend it.

My sister had learning disability and required special attention in class, speech and literacy therapy during at least her first fours years of school. I think it lasted for more years, but I'm not certain. To this day she remains the one of the seven of us who has more difficulties with comprehension, writing, understanding written words.

From what you write your husband's dyslexia is even more severe than my sister's one. Fortunately, my sister had a good support system at home as well as at school. And so did I, of course, even if I did not require the school support. Since my dyslexia is very mild, and it shows in misspelling, rather than in learning disability, I did not require therapy.

Mr J does not have dyslexia or ADD (what he may have is hyperthyroidism. Both MIL and SIL had it. SIL, when Mr J start to say he was depressed and acting manic wanted him to do thyroid tests. He refused). Nor does my cousin who had MLC. MLC hit both of them. Having dyslexia and/or ADD/ADHD, or certain forms of those disorders, may be more conducting to MLC, but MLC happens to people who have none of those conditions.

Like I've said several times, the one common denominator that, so far, I manage to find between all MLCer I know from real life and the stories from the board is stress. An out of proportion stress. In fact, they are in overdrive and always on fight or flight mode. That leads to no good. Confusion, euphoria, mania, deep scary downs, psychotic episodes and several other things come from that excessive stress.

Yes, having twins is not the same as having two kids 22 months apart. And for someone with ADD it must be really difficult. It is not a question of having an excuse for your husband's behaviour, it is a fact that he was already a person with a certain condition. That condition may, or may not, have lead to his MLC, but certainly the stress that MLC brings did not help his ADD.

Glad to know your son is doing very well in school.

Think the extroverted role for Mr J is the DJing. Not that he is that introverted. I always thought he was more extroverted than me, and, yet, I'm also pretty capable in social occasions. What I require is a lot of alone time.

Like, I believe SongandDance had written in another thread, introvert and extrovert have more to do with the way things are processed (internally or externally) than being inept at social occasions or withdrawn.

And if there is one thing my cousin who had MLC is not is introverted. He is super social, an absolute social butterfly.

[kikki]

Interesting article.
'After the germanwings crash 7 lessons about mental illness'.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-creativity-cure/201503/after-the-germanwings-crash-7-lessons-about-mental-illness?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost

[xyzcf]

Thanks kikki for that article.

This stood out to me in my husband's persona:

But just because someone is conscientious, intelligent, charming, and high functioning does not mean that their inner life is in harmony. Fears, paranoia, intrusive thoughts, and even delusions can haunt private moments. Trying to dismiss, mask, or will away biochemical phenomena may work for a time, but it is difficult to  maintain

I know that this is how the world sees him. He is so good at wearing a mask of honesty, integrity and truth (all of which he is not!) and people have always seen him as a really likeable and dependable guy.... and that continues.

It is always helpful for me to read something that makes sense from a theoretical point of view...wish I could figure out something that would make sense that would cure my own brokenness.