[kikki]

Nodding my head along to everything you said above xyzcf.
I feel exactly the same way 

[Lost]

xyz, kikki, reading you I know you're far from broken, just carry a scar that underlines your (inner) beauty. And it's still healing, slowly, fading away.

[kikki]

Thank you Lost for such lovely words 
To feel this heartbroken (some days) about the loss of who they were, is a little overwhelming I guess.
Other days it's not so bad and I feel complete acceptance.
Who would have imagined that after so long that this would be the case.

I read this the other day about some botanicals, and it reminded me of us all.
Maybe this establishment of the tap root system is akin to our emotional/spiritual growth.

There are many species which depend on wild fire to regenerate. Many conifer cones will not even open to release seed unless they reach a certain temperature.
Some Eucalyptus species act in the same way and its seems a fairly common characteristic of plants which have adapted to live in very dry and hot conditions.
One of my favourite trees is Pinus palustris which spends its first few years looking like a grassy mound. In this time it develops its long tap root and a fairly good root system underground, avoiding all the forest fires. The foliage may be totally destroyed several times but because of the established root system it always re-sprouts and then eventually grows very quickly to make a mature tree.

[calamity]

 

[Snowdrop]

I know that this is how the world sees him. He is so good at wearing a mask of honesty, integrity and truth (all of which he is not!) and people have always seen him as a really likeable and dependable guy.... and that continues.

My H is the same, and such a "life-saver" to many at work.  I wonder that if and when the mask drops, will it just be accepted by those around him because he is on such a pedestal.  I for one fell for it and stood by him for many years when he started to show huge changes in behaviour and I would never have walked away.  Maybe OW and others he is with now will stand by him too.

I don't think much about it these days, but when I do, it is all so surreal and as if H was never part of our lives, ever.  You know when someone dies and you vow to never stop thinking about them every day and remember their scent, then all of a sudden you realize you don't think of them daily and you can't remember how they smell anymore.

[forthetrees]

Found this tonite:

If stress and altered hormone levels are not for you and if you agree with Peter Wolf that "Love Stinks" there may be hope in the form of pharmaceuticals. The Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Prozac and Paxil may suppress the feeling of romantic love and attachment in at least some people.

Dr. Helen E. Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers, presented findings that suggest, she says, that common antidepressants that tinker with serotonin levels in the brain can also disrupt neural circuits involved in romance and attachment.

The timing of ex´s use of meds lines up with the withdrawal- great, just great. So, the LBS should take the ADs and the MLCer should stop?

[MyBrainIsBroken]

The Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Prozac and Paxil may suppress the feeling of romantic love and attachment in at least some people.

The timing of ex´s use of meds lines up with the withdrawal- great, just great. So, the LBS should take the ADs and the MLCer should stop?

Romantic love is infatuation. It would be good to suppress this in the MLCer. They should be force fed these if they suppress romantic love.

[Ready2Transform]

The Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Prozac and Paxil may suppress the feeling of romantic love and attachment in at least some people.

The timing of ex´s use of meds lines up with the withdrawal- great, just great. So, the LBS should take the ADs and the MLCer should stop?

Same with mine, FTT. He started taking them at the beginning of 2010, and I know his serotonin was already low from just having had diverticulitis and a blocked kidney at the same time (both can be symptoms of B6 deficiency, with B6 being a serotonin creator in the gut). Of course, at the time I had no idea of that - apparently neither did his doctors.    I suspected the pills long before I knew anything about MLC. He went off of them cold turkey which adds a whole other bag of worms to this mess. Their brain chemicals go all over the place.

Personally, complete lay person with an obsessive interest in this stuff - I think the ones that get most affected have low serotonin before taking them due to nutrition, genetics, or other meds (some birth control pills can cause it). Add a drug trying to reuptake something your body isn't making enough of, and bam! Done.

I've followed other boards and sites that talk about their spouses having the most negative reactions to SSRIs like this - and it looks just like MLC. If it's any consolation, just like MLC, it's rarely permanent, but I have no idea what happens with the marriages. Like in daily life, very few people are standers.  There was a story I remember though from a woman who was a lawyer. Tried cases she couldn't remember! After 4-5 years she woke up one day with no legal practice, no marriage, rock bottom. Had to rebuild her whole life. Sounds familiar.

Romantic love is infatuation. It would be good to suppress this in the MLCer. They should be force fed these if they suppress romantic love.

It wouldn't make them stop chasing after OPs. It's just not about emotions. I know it's somewhere on these threads already, but check out Dr. Joe Carver's descriptions: http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/Chemical%20Imbalance.html

Very low levels of Serotonin typically bring people to the attention of their family physician, their employer, or other sources of help. Severe Serotonin loss produces symptoms that are difficult to ignore. Not only are severe symptoms present, but also the brain’s ideation/thinking becomes very uncomfortable and even torturing. When Serotonin is severely low, you will experience some if not all of the following:

· Thinking speed will increase. You will have difficulty controlling your own thoughts. The brain will focus on torturing memories and you’ll find it difficult to stop thinking about these uncomfortable memories or images.

· You’ll become emotionally numb! You wouldn’t know how you feel about your life, marriage, job, family, future, significant other, etc. It’s as though all feelings have been turned off. Asked by others how you feel – your response might be “I don’t know!”

· Outbursts will begin, typically two types. Crying outbursts will surface, suddenly crying without much warning. Behavioral outbursts will also surface. If you break the lead in a pencil, you throw the pencil across the room. Temper tantrums may surface. You may storm out of offices or public places.

· Escape fantasies will begin. The most common – Hit the Road! The brain will suggest packing up your personal effects and leaving the family and community.

· Memory torture will begin. Your brain, thinking at 100 miles an hour, will search your memories for your most traumatic or unpleasant experiences. You will suddenly become preoccupied with horrible experiences that may have happened ten, twenty, or even thirty years ago. You will relive the death of loved ones, divorce, childhood abuse – whatever the brain can find to torture you with – you’ll feel like it happened yesterday.

· You’ll have Evil Thoughts. New mothers may have thoughts about smothering their infants. Thoughts of harming or killing others may appear. You may be tortured by images/pictures in your memory. It’s as though the brain finds your most uncomfortable weak spot, then terrorizes you with it.

· With Serotonin a major bodily regulator, when Serotonin is this low your body becomes unregulated. You’ll experience changes in body temperature, aches/pains, muscle cramps, bowel/bladder problems, smothering sensations, etc. The “Evil Thoughts” then tell you those symptoms are due to a terminal disease. Depressed folks never have gas – it’s colon cancer. A bruise is leukemia.

· You’ll develop a Need-for-Change Panic. You’ll begin thinking a change in lifestyle (Midlife Crisis!), a divorce, an extramarital affair, a new job, or a Corvette will change your mood. About 70 percent of jobs are lost at this time as depressed individuals gradually fade away from their life. Most extramarital affairs occur at this time.

· As low Serotonin levels are related to obsessive-compulsive disorders, you may find yourself starting to count things, become preoccupied with germs/disease, excessively worry that appliances are turned off or doors locked, worry that televisions must be turned off on an even-numbered channel, etc. You may develop rituals involving safety and counting. One auto assembly plant worker began believing his work would curse automobiles if their serial number, when each number was added, didn’t equal an even number.

· Whatever normal personality traits, quirks, or attitudes you have, they will suddenly be increased three-fold. A perfectionist will suddenly become anxiously overwhelmed by the messiness of their environment or distraught over leaves that fall each minute to land on the lawn. Penny-pinchers will suddenly become preoccupied with the electric and water consumption in the home.

· A “trigger” event may produce bizarre behavior. Already moderately low in Serotonin, an animal bite or scratch may make you suddenly preoccupied with rabies. A media story about the harmful effects of radiation may make you remember a teenage tour of the local nuclear power plant – suddenly feeling all your symptoms are now the result of exposure to radiation.

· When you reach the bottom of “severely low” Serotonin, the “garbage truck” will arrive. Everyone with severely low Serotonin is told the same thing. You will be told 1) You’re a bad spouse, parent, child, employee, etc., 2) You are a burden to those who love or depend on you, 3) You are worsening the lives of those around you, 4) Those who care about you would be better if you weren’t there, 5) You would be better if you weren’t around, and 6) You and those around you would be better off if you were totally out of the picture. At that point, you develop suicidal thoughts.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Personally, complete lay person with an obsessive interest in this stuff - I think the ones that get most affected have low serotonin before taking them due to nutrition, genetics, or other meds (some birth control pills can cause it). Add a drug trying to reuptake something your body isn't making enough of, and bam! Done.

Very interesting, especially the part about birth control pills causing low serotonin. My wife was placed on birth control pills shortly before BD due to "female" problems but by that time her affair had already started. However, she had been severely depressed before the affair started so she may have been low in serotonin.

One comment. SSRIs inhibit reuptake, leaving more free serotonin available to receptors, so SSRIs should help relieve all of the problems described here.

[LisaLives]

One comment. SSRIs inhibit reuptake, leaving more free serotonin available to receptors, so SSRIs should help relieve all of the problems described here.

Not necessarily: 

http://www.neuropsychotherapist.com/is-the-low-serotonin-theory-of-depression-wrong/