[OffRoad]

So many times, I hear a male MLCer has said that the LBS didn't "need" them. That they were just a paycheck, or a guy to take out the trash. Then they walk away, almost trying to prove the LBS doesn't "need" them. 

So for you men out there, what is your definition of being "needed"?

[toomanytearss]

This is a good question. I look forward to seeing the answers!!

[Searching4Answers]

This is a good question. I look forward to seeing the answers!!

Agreed - good question.

I am very independent, always have been. I worry a little that my independence scares off men H used to give me a hard about it - now I think he did that because he is not very independent.

[Mara]

Are they reading this?
I come back here for the answers. I got this answer also: you don't need me, you are doing everything yourself....
Yes....I agree, because H is not there, that simple
Not to speak of the emotional needs...

[Mac49]

I'll try to be as gentle as possible with my answer although I was the LBS.

My X "needed" me to provide a lifestyle, she "needed" the resources I provided, she "needed" a babysitter and a handyman, and a gardener. What I "needed" didn't matter, don't bother her with it. Its all about me, do for me, me, me, me, take. take, take. Don't even ask to have your your needs met.

As a generality when a man says his needs aren't being met, the emotional and intimacy needs have been unmet for extended periods of time., possibly even years.

Quite often men stop asking because they are tired of excuses and that everything and everyone are more important than their needs.

Part of the difficulty in moving on is the realization that you did play a role in your partner's descent, no you are not responsible, but few are ever truly guilt free.

My .02

Mac

[MIMIx]

Did you mean babysitter or father to the children?
Did she need a handyman or a handy partner to keep the family safe?
Did she need a gardener or someone to make the yard look good while she was busy making the house look good?

Just wondering.

[Mac49]

Mimi:

3 children in school 5 days a week, only worked one evening and every other weekend. X had plenty of me time. That didn't stop her from spending Christmas 2008 with her "friend" and his family.

She was never happy unless I was doing what she wanted, If I was watching TV with the three boys, I should be cleaning up the kitchen. If the kitchen floor was not clean to her satisfaction when she got home from work, she would routinely wake me up. If after a 60+ hour week I had the audacity to fall asleep after reading my youngest son a story - well no sex for you.

I assembled the furniture, did the heavy lifting, did the majority of the cooking, held my own in cleaning, and laundry and garbage, in addition to 90% of the yard work. I would typically cut the lawn with a baby in the backpack. She never touched a snow shovel once in a 16 year marriage.

No she was lifted up, got negligent, got abusive, and disappeared into the fog. Sightings are rare these days.

Again no ones perfect, I don't express my "needs" well preferring quiet reflection to work out an issue in my head rather than openly communicate. One of the real changes I made is I'm no longer quiet. I also will never tolerate that level of disrespect from anyone again.

Mac

[in it]

Trouble with the ex was..if he knew what you wanted or needed he would make sure he didn't do it.And easily could.

It took me a while to catch on.Example I might want a picture hung he'd tell he would do it two weeks later its still sitting there.

FINALLY I'd get pissed off and hang it myself with him making the comment
"That right..just cobb it right up there"

I told him one day "Keep going youll make a man out of me yet"

[Family man]

I needed some praise,appreciation and some thanks for the things I did for her on a daily basis and didn't think that should be to much to ask as I always showed my appreciation and thanked her for anything she did even down to thanking her for the children she brought into my life.
Instead I had to endure countless posts on fb stating how she had cleaned cooked hoovered etc but no mention of the fact that I helped with it all aswell as running a business and looking after all the kids two to three nights a week and taking on my stepchildren financially and emotionally for 15 yrs with never a mention of thanks while she got a degree at night school.
I am only just starting to get any thanks now 2 yrs after she left me and am now begging to feel more needed than I have in 15 yrs.
Some recognition for all the good I did would have made me feel needed.
My wife actually said at bd I don't need you anymore as I've now got everything I need in life eg job, degree money car basically everything that I had provided.

[OffRoad]

I'll try to be as gentle as possible with my answer although I was the LBS.

My X "needed" me to provide a lifestyle, she "needed" the resources I provided, she "needed" a babysitter and a handyman, and a gardener. What I "needed" didn't matter, don't bother her with it. Its all about me, do for me, me, me, me, take. take, take. Don't even ask to have your your needs met.

As a generality when a man says his needs aren't being met, the emotional and intimacy needs have been unmet for extended periods of time., possibly even years.

Quite often men stop asking because they are tired of excuses and that everything and everyone are more important than their needs.

Part of the difficulty in moving on is the realization that you did play a role in your partner's descent, no you are not responsible, but few are ever truly guilt free.

My .02

Mac

Thank you, Mac, I appreciate your answers, they are helpful. What I am looking for, though, is what it means to YOU to feel needed. What would your significant other need to do to make you feel like you are needed in the way you WANT to be needed? I'm not asking what your needs are, that is different. I want to know why a man would think their wife DIDN'T need him.

What reason would you have to tell someone that you feel like you aren't a useful engine to them? What way do your want a SO to need you? (And I hope I'm not only going to get "sex" for an answer, I hope there are some other reasons as well)