[Strongwind]

I just get angry when I think of the hormone probability because I'm a practitioner and I probably could have helped him. Now it's too late. He is living his life with alienator as if we didn't even exist???
I actually knew that he had some issue with the Kidney channel (which also indicates hormone deficiency and imbalance) but I didn't really know much about MLC. I thought it was something that happened to older men who ended up acting out a bit, buy a red sports car and start tinting their hair 

There is more people having a MLC these days and wonder if it's not due to our modern diets, stress and GMO and hormones in our meats and poultry?  It's mind boggling!!! I wish I could do something about it and at least prevent others from having an MLC. Maybe it needs to be researched and publicized? I wanted to get a doctorate eventually. That was before H left me financial bankrupt.... Maybe I still will and  I could make my thesis on MLC and hormone or Jing (according to Chinese medicine) imbalance or deficiency?

Who knows if one day this would be a known fact and men and women could avoid such a devastating crisis? Maybe I'm dreaming but .....didn't everything begin with a thought and a dream? I so miss the man I use to know and married but I can't afford to think too much about it or else I fall into a funk. H no longer exist as I knew. I keep hoping there is a little bit of that man in there somewhere but at the next monstering I realize that he's gone. RIP sweetheart. 

Thanks for sharing your thought Anjie. hugs  Sw

[hawk]

I just get angry when I think of the hormone probability because I'm a practitioner and I probably could have helped him. Now it's too late. He is living his life with alienator as if we didn't even exist???

That stuff makes me so angry to SW.
Mine went into early menopause and deep depression, over work, and had some other pretty big health stuff. Some of it yeah was about me and what l'd been doing but , the thing is l didn't realize a lot of it was even bothering her and l would have happily dropped everything to look after her.

Yet ever since all this ,  she's been more over worked and stressed than ever, we both are .  And if there is still an om then it's gotta be some very part timeish thing and so basically there is no one to look after her and ease life up a bit for her now-or for me either for that matter. As a matter of fact neither of us can stop now , because there's no one else to hold the fort and pay the bills if we did now.

Yet it would have been my pleasure to look after her , if only she'd have told me everything and stuck around to enjoy the out come.
She could have had our family, a husband and a real home to help her through . Just seems insane.

She thought doing this was gonna fix everything and be some fantastic new easy life.

[Anjae]

By practitioner, Strongwind, do you mean you are a doctor? If so, please do not beat yourself up. There are others here who are doctors, nurses and therapist. Sadly one was capable of helping/preventing their spouse from going into Replay.

Mermaid is married to a doctor, who is aware of his depression. Her husband seeked no help, and still had his crisis.

The doctor from the company Mr J worked for until he quit, a little over one year since BD, tried to help Mr J. Like Mermaid's husband (and other MLCers), Mr J knew he was depressed. He himself told me he was depressed, both before and after he left. He also told the doctor. Mr J did not allow the doctor to help him.

Nor did Mr J listened to SIL who wanted him to take blood tests to see if he suffered from hypertheroidism. SIL and MIL suffered from it and both have had surgery. SIL also offered to book and appointment with her psychiatrist as well as with their years long family doctor. Mr J said no.

The problem really seems to be how to get the MLCer to the doctor, or, for those who have a doctor around, to allow the doctor to see them. Also, how to make the MLCer to remain in the medication (some MLCer started it but dropped it), treatment, or how to make they make lifestyle changes that could help.

What is the secret of those doctors in the clinic? How do they manage to do what no else seems to be capable of doing?

If it cannot be dinied that our moder, western, or western-like lifestyle seems to contribute to MLC, MLC was round in past centuries and millenia. Maybe it was less spread, maybe it wasn't. People lived shorter lives, many spend years on end in the army/at war and away from home, MLC, of course, was not an existent term, etc.

Hawk, I suspect that, sadly, even if you would have dropped everything to look after your wife it wouldn't have made much of a difference.

But you will be able to be there for your wife when she comes out of her tunnel.

MLC is most more stressing than what previsiously existed. Both for MLCer and LBS. MLCer claim they want a new life, that they are tired, this than and those, then go and lead a totally crazy, super stress filled life.

It does need to be researched. Or maybe it is, but not under MLC. Maybe under hormonal imbalance. Or brain inbalance. We know hormones change many things, we know lack of sleep and depression alter lots of functions.

Your ideas for a doctorate are very interesting.

[Strongwind]

Anjie I'm a practitioner of Chinese medicine and acupuncture. You're right. There is no way to prepare for the bomb that shattered all of our lives.  Sometimes I actually wish he had died instead of the hell I've gone through. At least I could have kept some illusion of him loving me and the memories, as bittersweet, would have been remembered fondly.  Do Mlcer die young? I don't know ...I don't know anything anymore. Nothing of all of this makes any sense.

Hugs to all.
Sw

[Returned]

By the way I just wanted to reply to something that Anjae wrote a few entries back. In several places on this board we have examples of MLCers who died very prematurely, for example SSG and newbeginnings spouses.

[Kat0465]

I do think a lot of MLCers get sick,none of the ones I've read about are living a healthy lifestyle.
My H never got sick! Until a few years before BD. of course the heavy drinking and horrible diet played a part.about a year before he left, he was taking all kinds of stuff, honey, cinnamon, vit c, trying to get healthy. All the while drinking like a fish.
He now has gout,sleep apnea, high blood pressure. And just a few weeks ago was down with some horrible stomach virus.
In 25+ years he's only gotten sick once! At least 40 lbs over weight. And they won't take his blood anymore, because his liver enzymes are sky high, as is his iron level in his body. Which isn't good for your organs. Sometimes I wonder if it hasent affected his brain :/
My therapist told me to prepare my kids, because someone who drinks that much is gonna potentially die.
On the flip side, we LBSers do have tremendous stress, anxiety, huge weight losses. It's all too much. Look up broken heart syndrome. I can guarantee I've had his. My heart has always  bothered me. way worse now tho.

It just all sucks, they are throwing so much away. And hurting so many people...

[Almost there]

My exH's health is not great. High blood pressure and cholesterol. He's always had those problems because it runs in his family. He doesn'drink but his diet sounds like junk. Lots of fast food and processed stuff. Also he has sleep apnea. Though it would be beneficial to me that he has a long life since I get lifetime spousal support from his retirement.

[toomanytearss]

Mine also has sleep apnea, very overweight, only eats out or processed foods, his blood is so thick they can barely get it out, high blood pressure, high cholesterol.  He can't stay up past 8:30 at night.  Falls asleep if he sits down anywhere. 

Yes, we as the LBS suffer a huge hit also, physically and mentally.  But we are aware of it and have the ability to correct that.  I take my vitamins, am eating better now, exercise, doing things that I enjoy to relieve the anxiety some.  We know what we are dealing with and therefore we can make changes. 

Although many of the mlc'r (my h being one) have admitted in a moment of clarity that there is something wrong (my h has said he is severely depressed) that don't have the ability yet to make changes for their health and well being.  I personally want to live FOREVER!!!  LOL  !!!

[patience.of.a.saint]

Mine says he doesn't want to live past 60. I can't comprehend thinking that way. I have a great-aunt who just turned 100 this year. She volunteers, gets together to play cards...always so busy doing something that it makes me feel like a lazy bum and I'm 60 yrs younger than she is. She's an amazing person who has the zest for life. I think our MLCers just don't have that zest.

[Anjae]

You are right, long journey, we do have examples of MLCers who have died prematurely. I'm sorry I have forgot. And I didn't know newbeginnings spouse had dies.

SSG'a husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. I'm not certain it could be said that his death was caused by MLC.

There will always be MLCer who die, and who gain health problems, but overhaul, I still think the LBS's health is more affected. Maybe I'm wrong. Also, we really don't know if MLCers die younger than people who didn't have MLC.

Strongwind, thank you for clarifying. Think that we prefer that our MLCer had died instead of having MLC is not uncommon for a LBS. Nothing is MLC seems to make any sense, and it probably doesn't.

TMT, yes, we have the ability to know what is going on. Or to have found our at a certain point. And we can make changes and correct things. But for those of us who still have to deal with ongoing legalities, etc, it is difficult to be totally anxiety free.

Now and then MLCer have a tiny fog lift and become aware that there is something wrong. But, like you've said, it is not enough to make them change route.

Many of our MLCers drink too much. They most know it is not good, yet, they don't stop doing it.

AOAS, our MLCers are dead inside. Of course they have no zest. They pretend they are full of life with their crazy replay (or wallower) actions, but they have no joy, no zest, nothing. They are just empty walking souls wearing a mask that fools a few people, in some cases, for many years.