[patience.of.a.saint]

Mine is convinced he'll be dead by 45...he will turn 41 this summer. He had a couple favorite uncles die in their 40's. Personally, I have wondered if their deaths, plus that of an aunt, were what tipped him into MLC. If so, he'd have been in MLC a couple years before we got together. He always said I made him the happiest he had ever been. Maybe I was another of his line of bandaids...who knows? Nobody will, I guess.

[ruggedendurance]

I've been NC for two years now.

I have seen pictures.    Overweight.    Still has the "dead eye" look..........

She doesn't appear to be happy and adjusted.

On the other hand............ I LOOK FABULOUS!

I'm probably too good for her now.

[in it]

Me too RE .... 2 years NC..haven't seen him in at least a year and 6 months..he looked old last time I saw him.

Maybe that's my problem! I look too damn good considering what I've been through!! 

I'm sure mortaliy has something to do with it.

[Anjae]

Could MLCers be leaving because they have a premonition of death?

Don't think so. And if they have it is most likely a product of their depression. There is no shortage of board member with MLCer who have gone for more than 6 or even 8 years. The MLCer are still alive. Some LBS, on the other are not. Or are on cancer last stage.

Could early hormonal/biochemical changes in their body be causing them to panic?

Yes. MLC is, pretty much an early, in some cases very early, mid or even early 30’s, hormonal/biochemical/neurobiological issue.

Is it the replay behaviors which worsen their health?

It seems to be. Even if we really do not know how much it worsen their health. Most MLCers do not seem to have anything that could be considered a permanent health issue (not counting any former serious health issue the MLCer had), and seem to be able to return to their former health level.

The LBS, on the other hand, seems to end up with lots of health issue. We are subject to as much, or even more, stress than the MLCer is. And there are studies that say that, for women, divorce/separation decreases the heart health. While with men this also happens after a divorce or separation, if they remarry, or enter another relationship/have a new companion, the rist is minimized, a second marriage does not minizie the women’s risk.

So, if anything, MLC is a very serious health problem for the LBS, especially for female LBS.

Mr J seems pretty well. He is on year 9 since he left, 10 of Replay, and he is still clubbing and drinking and not sleeping and baheving like a 19 years old. Of course he has gained weight, has dead eyes and looks blooted, but nothing major, apart from the MLC itself seems to be going on with him. The drinking could be considered a problem, but I think the drinking is just part of the MLC itself.

[hawk]

No way rugged , go for your life mate , good stuff .
l've even thought about a faith myself and l ain't no saint either. But hey , l'm alright . Don't think a God needs to see us on our knees or in church every 5mins .
l think he'd be far more interested in the person we really are .
Or with people like all of us for example, that don't believe in breaking up families , but fighting on and honoring vows to the end.

[LaughLoveLive]

Don't know about dying younger but I know since my H left he now takes 5 medications daily (according to my children)
High blood pressure
Cholesterol
Gastric reflux
Cluster headaches
Diabetes

All these health issues (with the exception of the gastric reflux) have come about in the 3 years since BD

[patience.of.a.saint]

Don't know about dying younger but I know since my H left he now takes 5 medications daily (according to my children)
High blood pressure
Cholesterol
Gastric reflux
Cluster headaches
Diabetes

All these health issues (with the exception of the gastric reflux) have come about in the 3 years since BD

That's crazy, but then look at how they live. Mine drinks way more and harder stuff too. He told me one day that he had ate a whole bag of oreos so had to go to the store for more. In a day, he has Adderall, Advil, smoking, caffeine, alcohol...sits and watches tv or plays video games...mentions he doesn't sleep well. I wouldn't be surprised if he has a similar laundry list of ailments sooner or later. I know the first on his list is ED. He got that almost immediately after BD and never had that issue before.

[Picton]

I've been NC for two years now.

I have seen pictures.    Overweight.    Still has the "dead eye" look..........

She doesn't appear to be happy and adjusted.

On the other hand............ I LOOK FABULOUS!

I'm probably too good for her now.

Rugged - I love this post!!!!!!

[Strongwind]

LLL cluster H/a are b**** I know from medical school that most individuals who have cluster H/A would rather die than go through that kind of pain. Repressed emotions, denial and not confronting issues are one of the biggest reasons for diseases. It has to have a way out somehow. I haven't seen H is almost 2 years with contact only through emails about practical stuff. A friend of mine went to his office though to help me and told me that he is bloated with white hair and looks like a piggy. She said he didn't look anything like in the pictures I had shown her and she added "what did you see in him?" That was about a year or so ago. He closes all social media and can't see any pics of him. I also blocked my MIL because I would rather not get news of with and OW. I'll probably see him in June at our hearing but I'm a little scared to face him. The ow ex husband looked a lot my husband, only fat as a barrel. I guess he is adapting to expectations?? Lol 

Maybe that's my problem! I look too damn good considering what I've been through!! 

In it, you are a strong cookie and, I'm sure, great looking too. I'm always surprised at how many LBS happen to be gorgeous, intelligent and good people yet they get dumped like garbage from a MLcer and opt for an affair down ....way down. Sometimes. I think they are really nuts.  I get compliment

Yes. MLC is, pretty much an early, in some cases very early, mid or even early 30’s, hormonal/biochemical/neurobiological issue.

Anjie, That's so interesting to me. I am praying to get a job in a clinic that where husband and wife MD's do just that. Through plant based hormonal therapy and other natural cures. I was honest with them and told them of H MLC and they explained to me that they saw a lot of men who were in MLC and that is caused by hormonal fluctuation and they were able to end an MLC by administering the right therapy. They seemed to know a lot about it. The problem is a lot of the Mlcers will not opt to see a dr to check their hormonal levels and therefore do not get treated. Could be as simple as that to have the person we knew back? Sw

[Anjae]

Could be as simple as that to have the person we knew back?

Maybe. From a logical and scientific/medical point of view it makes sense.

But the problem really is, like you said, that most of the times (if not always) it is not even possible to get the MLCer to go see a doctor.

How were the doctors able to administering the right therapy to a MLCe? From all we know a MLCer in replay would not look for a doctor or treatment. Even if, I used to say around here we should use a tranquilizer dart to put the MLCer asleep and then took the sleeping MLCer to a doctor for treatment. 

Could it be that rather than being in MLC those men were having a bumpy midlife transition (that is also probably also caused by hormones, just no so out of touch hormones)? Many people, doctors and therapist included, call MLC to a bumpy midlife transition.

Also, of course that if our MLCers would stop their running/their lifestyle, they would change, because their brain would change and so would their genes. Since they keep leading lives that are not good for the brain/hormones/genes, they will be trapped in their mess for a very long time.