[Absolutely Fabulous]

There are a few of us who have had to face really dangerous MLCers that have threatened us with violence and/or death. I myself have been faced with a dangerous situation, and I've had to take the firearms and ammunition out of my house. I now have to rethink how I handle my MLCer. Who else has had situations where you have had to consider your personal safety as well as that of your children and/or pets?

[Thunder]

OMG, My3.  No I have not had anything like that happen to me, only in joking terms.  Like taking me for a boat ride (knowing I can't swim).   

I hope you keep yourself safe.  You sound afraid.

I know In It has had some violence with her H.  Maybe she can help.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Not afraid, just watching my back. I think that he's more inclined to hurt himself.

[Thunder]

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.  Is he talking strange?   

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Hey Thunder. 

No, but taking the top off the bullet case and leaving it out for me to see was a direct intimidation tactic. He knew that I would see it on the dresser. He's been upping the ante with the controlling behavior. Been using his lawyer for most of it. The hearing was a major blow this week. He had his sister testify that I was an abusive mother. The judge wasn't buying it. He won't look me in the eye, or talk directly to me.

I'm more worried about him harming himself. I unloaded the guns so that if he had been impulsive he would have to take the time to reload them. I stayed out his way while he was packing his things. I didn't feel any hostility from him while he was here, but I wasn't going to push my luck either.

[terrified_in_TN]

No here, but...

  I can see how EASILY a "love triangle" could turn violent-even deadly.

Oddly enough a few weeks ago I happened to catch one of those TV shows (can't remember which...dateline?  deadly women?)...anyway, man and woman separate/divorce after a long term relationship...Man always had hope of reconciliation.  In the meantime, the wife IIRC had a few different heterosexual relationships, but eventually landed in a homosexual relationship with another woman.  There was some envy over money assets, so the MLCer? had her lover buy some wine and anti-freeze.  She replaced some of the wine with anti-freeze and brought it to her x-husband as a "token of good faith" to take advantage of his desire to reconcile.

  You can guess the rest.

-T

[Absolutely Fabulous]

OMG TNT! That's really crazy! Why not just tell him not a chance? Now both those crazy b****** are in jail for murder!

I just don't get it. They seem to need this connection to maintain control, but they also need to make sure that we are miserable and suffering. My detachment and distance seem to be the trigger for my H, and make him more clingy. I've been learning about spotting patterns. I've never had to worry about him trying to harm me before, but there's a different paradigm working now.

He was used to winning and maintaining control at all costs, this hearing stripped him of control. To be honest, I don't really know how he's going to react on this one. He may take this time to stop and think, or he may take this time to stop and plot. I really don't know. In the past, the pattern was: get pissed, leave, cool off, and come back. He's never taken anything this far before. There are other people involved that he's listening to now. Egging him on no doubt.

He's: confused, chaotic, angry, hostile, deceptive, and highly invested in keeping this a high stakes drama. I'm not. I made him file. He now has to deal with the foreclosure, and the financial s*** storm that he's left behind. And, back child support as well.

The last time I was in NC for 2 straight weeks, he wanted to reconcile. I doubt he'll go through with the divorce, but I'm ready just in case he does. I'm not taking any chances. He's just too much of a wildcard right now.

He'll be back in 2 weeks for the child support hearing. We'll see what happens then. I'm hopping that he's like the MLCer from RC's blog, and taking time to think. Now that I'm not reacting, I'm praying that that's the case. I'm still going to look our for me and my girls safety no matter what. You never really know what a desperate MLCer is capable of in the end. Getting the guns out was just a self preservation measure. He's a trained Marine, so he doesn't exactly need a weapon to kill me with. I'm not living in fear, and neither or my girls. But, I'm going to be cautious for all of our sakes.

[in it]

 Violent with me and others.
The ex has handguns last I knew .And honestly? He shouldn't have them.
Stay cautious and away from the crazy

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Is anyone dealing with someone who possibly has a personality disorder that revealed itself during MLC? Is it possible that there were things that were missed, because of other factors and that MLC is just the extension of years of mental illness coming to a head?

[paradigmshift]

There are many cases of men who, thinking that they have no other alternatives when facing a major setback, kill their children and wife first, then kill themselves. Via poisoning, throwing the children out the apartment window, stabbing and slashing etc. Their rationale is that they do not want to leave their family behind to deal with the fallout from their bad decisions. So, they can even kill out of 'love'.

Having no fear might end up being a deadly mistake. I would say, have another adult present when he is around you and/or the children. You cannot predict crazy. He is not thinking straight. He is no longer who he was.