[Hopeful Romantic]

Hi all,

As I have been reading everyone's stories here, I've noticed that your spouses, as well as my H, lie lie lie to us all the time. OP even states in his welcome message that believe nothing they say and only half of what they do.

My H lies about big things (I married you for social pressures, followed what society expected of me, I'm on a business trip when he is in fact in town with OW...), but what boggles the mind is that he lies about the little things too...stuff I don't even ask him about. My question is, do they lie to everyone like this, or is it only us? I remember my sister in law telling me right after bomb drop, but before I knew about the OW, that he was lying about everything (he was living with his parents at the time), but I was so out of it, I never asked her to elaborate on the lies.

I'm curious to know if the ow is lied to this much (besides the lies he's told to justify his leaving to her and everyone else), to his friends? Maybe those who have been in this longer than my 5 months can shed some light as to if people have eventually started to notice the sheer amount of lies that are told, or is it only to the LBS, since it has been noted that they often look to us as parents, and they are in the role of the rebellious teenager?

The lying drives me nuts. I notice the less I say to him, the more he talks to fill the silence, and the more lies just spill out of him. He used to be someone who always said it was best to be honest, because lying is too stressful and you have to keep the lies straight. In reflecting however, I realize that he always had the propensity to exaggerate...I used to put it down to him trying to make a story more interesting and funny. I now wonder if it was always a part of who is was...

Thoughts/insight? And do you call them out on the lies, or is there no point (I have not called him out because I feel engaging just gives him something else to blame me for, so I ignore and trust nothing.)

[Returned]

Yes, in the days preceding bomb drop my MLCer lied about everything to everyone even teeny tiny things he wasn´t asked about. I was astounded. He would tell people at work he was sick (when he wasn´t), and he would make up elaborately detailed fictitious stories in front of me while speaking to other people on the phone. He would tell me he was going to work or a meeting when  he was going to see other women.  I found it difficult to understand why he wasn´t at least a little bit embarassed to lie to others right in front of me but he certainly wasn´t. I remember him coming to me in the days after bomb drop to brag that  people at his work thought he had a university degree (which he didn´t). He seemed very proud of this (and not at all embarassed) and he boasted to me that he was able to fool others into speaking to him with an honorific before his name. He even went on TV to claim he was a famous author...

In this context I can only imagine what sort of stories he must have told OW. Did he say we were separated? divorced? not sleeping together? No clue. Also no idea what he has told our grown sons although they certainly seem very confused and discouraged.

Now he has passed into a different phase, instead of boasting he is in a secretive phase. It is hard to tell whether he has stopped lieing or not but I hope so...

[Lifes A Dance]

Hi Hopeful,

My H lies about little things too.  Even the most insignificant things (i.e. what he ate for lunch)! 

My H has always been a liar, or exaggerater, it's part of who he was even pre-MLC.  We've been married for 22 years and I have always believed that he has some kind of mental illness. 

He's never been treated or officially diagnosed with anything, but through my own research and 18 yrs in the medical field I have come to the conclusion that he either has Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder.  Both share many of the same symptoms (lying being one of them).

I truly believe my H's OW is being lied to as well.  I pick up on the little things and although I've never met or spoken to her, I can still tell he has her believing a whole fantasy world.

What really gets me is our friends (who have known him for 20+ yrs) that KNOW he's full of $hit, yet they continue to be sucked in to whatever he's telling them!

I decided a long time ago to stop calling him out on his lies.  The truth eventually always comes out, even if I knew it all along.

I also believe that calling them out on the lies just perpetuates the situation.  They will tell another lie to cover up the first, and so on.  I won't give H the satisfaction of sucking me into it.

I let him remain blissfully ignorant to the fact that I'm onto him, and when the time is right I will eventually drop a clue that I really know the truth.

OP's statement is completely accurate.  Believe nothing they say, and only half (if even) of what they do.

Continue detaching and have your popcorn ready.  It's going to be one helluva show!

[Picton]

Mine lies about everything to everyone!

He even manages to lie about lying 

He constantly gets caught but still does it. I have shot several truth darts about the lies but he can't seem to help himself. I do wonder if it is more to do with the fact that they rewrite history, so in their MLC heads they aren't lying as much as they think they are.

[roxyshin13]

Thank you for posting this. My H lies all the time about everything so this answers alot of the questions i had

[Tsunami]

HR,

Children lie, and these MLC'ers have the mentality of a child.  They reverted back to their childhood when the emotional damage was so severe they were unable to cope with it at that time.  When they enter MLC they return to the age they when this damage occurred.

I had a hard time with this one too.  I have some information regarding this topic saved on my computer, and I will post it later this afternoon.

Educating yourself is the best thing you can do to preserve your sanity.  Remember, this has nothing to do with you, his issues were laying dormant inside of him for years, like a volcano, it's starting to erupt because of the internal emotional pressures inside of him.

Stay strong, be live in you!

[Blindsided13]

My H lies all the time. I am nc and he still manages to lie not sure why. He and paramour went on vacation he lied to son saying he went to training. Makes no sense. I don't comment. I'm just handing him the rope he will hang himself.

[FacePalm]

My W lied a lot early on, even when I confronted her about EA when I showed her proof.  Sad because she used to be a strong Christian woman and I never would have thought she'd turn to using private messaging services on her phone, creating secret Facebook accounts, and using prepay phones.  At this point I assume everything she says is a lie (or at least a partial lie).  Keeps me from getting disappointed. 

[Medusa]

Great topic!

Last week, mine lied about the suburb he lives in.  I'm still a bit confused about why. He also tried to obscufate about why he wanted to back to mediation (he wants to be part wonder of an airplane), but I called him on that one and made him tell the mediator why. And my personal favorite (which may or may not be a lie), that he told his new friends that we are getting a divorce (this was news to me!)

I always thought mine was honest before BD, but lately I've even been questioning that.

I had the random thought the other day that if he does ever come out of this, he's going to have to leave the area to start over because he's probably told so damn many lies.

[Searching4Answers]

The lying is ridiculous but they all do it. Think that they lie to themselves the most. This is why we are better off just not asking them anything.

My H acts like an 17-18 year old. He would lie and then ell his parents some story to cover and they would buy it he thought that he was so smart because he could get away so much.

Now he just keeps everything a secret! I think that is how he keeps from lying more - he doesn't tell anyone anything.

Tsunami - I look forward to your information.