[Gardenia]

I am 2 1/2 years younger than my H.

I make more money than he does so it took awhile for me to get the heart to file child support.

[truth_seeker]

RY

I second what Butterfly said re: W income being more than H but again it goes back to their low self esteem.  In my sitch I made majority of the income in our household until recently... although I was still contributing to our income while no longer working as I had negotiated a large severance package with my previous employer even though I quit. 

I know in our sitch my earning more always bothered H but that was due to his low self-esteem.  His M made him feel very bad about it most of our M not me.  I often talked him up after he's spoken with his M.  I didn't have much of issue with it but he did.  Now was I perfect throughout, absolutely not, but I always made sure to encourage him and show my appreciation for what he did do.  It wasn't enough.  Even quitting a good paying job and relocating didn't help.  Money wasn't an issue for me in that way.  His MLC was bound to happen one way or the other and I was the easy target. 

His OW is completely the opposite. Typical affair down.  She lives on govt. assistance, has a low paying job and has medical issues which keeps her from ever becoming an equal profession as my H.  H has even made it known of her medical condition just so she can't ever get the same position as him. He's bragged about this to me! How's that for a soul-mate!  With her his ego is fed for now.  And she's happy to feed it. 

[Chavela]

I am 8 1/2 yrs older than my husband but he looks just as old.  I make more money but it has never seemed to bother him.  Don't really think either is an issue.  His thing is aging.  Has always been afraid of aging.  Very athletic and has always prized himself on being the fastet and best.  His dad died at age 39 of a massive heart attack which is always in the back of his mind.  My husband has always been quick to go to a Dr (unlike most men).  Has had a stress test already d/t his family history.  Past few months, whitened his teeth, going to gym obcessively, shaved his body hair (has never done before), quit dipping, lost over 30 lbs.  I know all MLCers are different and have different hangups but with mine....I think it is all the fear of aging.  Obviously I don't really know....wish I did....but that is what I think.

The woman he was talking to on the phone several hours a day was 58 (18 yrs his senior).  Of course, she was just a "friend".  He was so miserable, he needed someone to talk to.  Duh....how about your wife.

[Rebel Yell]

Don't get me wrong, I don't think age or money is the reason. But it may be just another piece of the puzzle like the death of a parent or turning 40. Low self esteem is probably the biggest cause,(and other things cause that). Fear of dying or aging are also big problems. Then of course if they were closer to God the whole mlc may have been just a mlt instead. Pray, pray, pray, pray and when your done, pray some more, on your knees!

[Gardenia]

My H also deals with aging issues.

Due to our backgrounds we both have TONS of hair as do our kids. (I promise its a trademark.) Well sadly his hair is thining and these past three years have aged him significantly. One of his sisters noticed it at Thanksgiving and was really shocked.

He works with a younger people and it did not help. I wonder how much of that contributes. I also work with young people but as a teacher whereas he is a coworker so I am sure there is a much different dynamic.

 

[What Next]

Rebel Yell

I tend to agree with the idea that the more that is understood the more can be done to ensure the majority experience Mid life as a transitional phase and not as a crisis.  That's why I find the pieces of the puzzle pieces, whatever they may be. 

I also agree with Truth_Seeker, I believe MLC was ineviteable for my H given his history and unresolved issues.  I found it interesting that you wrote about your H's reaction to his M (Mother?) and her ability to make him feel bad.  My MIL drove all her kids to compete against eachother, particularly in material worth - this impressed her more.  She never approved of my H's profession as it was not high paying / high profile enough.  He battled for her approval for years.  I believe her decine into Alzheimers over the last 3yrs has contributed to his own decline - again agreeing with Rebel Yell here - another contributing factor.  He felt he had lost his chance to impress her or secure her approval/love.

[Rebel Yell]

Hi gang, I had a discussion about this on here a long time ago.
I couldn't find it.....
I still find it interesting how many MLC husbands are younger
than the LBS wives. The past thread I had done a little checking
as far as statistics and in our situations the % was WAY above
average. I don't know what to make of it, but I find it interesting.
Maybe subconsciously these men where looking for a mother figure?

[kikki]

That's interesting Rebel. I didn't realise that.
My H is 6mths older than me. 

[Thundarr]

My MLC W is a year and 9 months older than me.

[Ready2Transform]

My H is a year and 8 months older than me.  Physically anyway (mentally, right now, yeah I'm older.  ).