[NoRegrets]

My xH is 5 years older, but this question has resonated with me.

xH always seemed to like older women; in fact, when I met him, he was madly in love with a classmate of ours who was one year older than him, and also a mother already. I think he adored her maternal image. She is blonde, too, like his ideal, and like his birth and adoptive mothers.

I think maybe my youth was a drawback for him, especially when I would act all giddy and girly around him. He would get very irritated. He wanted me to behave more like his mother, I'm certain of it. He criticized my mothering until the day he left, then suddenly had a change in his tune--I was a good-enough mother after all, and the kids would do well under my care.

xH named his first sailboat after his still-alive mother. I was pretty turned off by that, frankly.

xH's OW is two years older than I am, but she has no children of her own. I've suspected that she mothered him--knew just how to manipulate him. She's from a "nurturing" profession, like many BPDs are. I doubt very much that she nurtures him now, if I am to believe what I've read about BPD OWs.

Before BD, I'd been growing seriously distressed with and confused by xH's increasingly childish/feminine mannerisms and was at my wit's end--I knew I did not want to be in a relationship with a child--I wanted a partner who was my equal, a real man. I didn't know what to do, as I was very much committed to my marriage and family. I honestly felt trapped in an unhappy marriage, and my immediate reaction (albeit very short-lived, on the order of several minutes) was relief.


I know I have daddy issues, having grown up under the thumb of a very controlling father.

I'm sure this created conflict between us. There was always huge friction between my xH and my father--created by my xH, probably because he felt I was expecting him to take on or submit to (both unfair propositions) my father.


Yeah, I do think sometimes there's a mommy issue, but of course age is not the only factor. I think it depends on how the MLCer saw his wife/partner. If he saw her as a maternal figure or wanted to, and took comfort in the age difference, then maybe there is something to this theory.

I'm certain my xH has mommy issues and would have preferred to be with an older or more maternal (toward him) woman.

[toughtimes]

My H is 2 years younger than me and he was definitely looking for his mother! I have ALWAYS felt this! I disappointed because I am not his mother. I have wondered if having the children and the unconditional love I have heaped upon the children has left him wanting even more?
Mother issues seem to be a recurring theme!
But why has he gone for OW of 23? Maybe if he has regressed to teens she too is an older woman. Reading the emails between them she seemed really mothery and his business partners have a really mothery wives, he kept saying I wasn't supportive like normal wives, I think he was referring to them. I am more about equality in relationship and struggled to achieve that with my H.

[Stillpraying]

I am 5 months older than H and he made sure I knew it in a fun way.  But I always asked the kids "who LOOKS older, mum or dad?"

[toughtimes]

My H was given a cheesy pulp fiction book "In Praise of Older Women" when we met! 

[Chrysalis]

I'm 5.5 years younger than my ex and the OW is 2 years older (she's an old flame from art college)

[Finding Hope]

I'm 5 years older then my h but, he acts and looks older then me 

FH

[Flowerpower]

Rebel,
Just found this thread, thought I'd add to yr statistics  Are u still counting?? I'm 2 years older than my H....

The only time I ever felt like he treated me like his mother was right after BD....His OW was 19 yrs younger than him!

Fp

[In this for ME]

I'm two years older than my ExH..

ExOW was the same; with a birthday two days earlier than mine...

if you don't think that didn't blow my mind 

[Gutted]

I'm a year Younger.   

BUT the woman he left me for is a DECADE older than him and looks TWO decades older.  She's literally the most unattractive woman I've ever seen.  And is allegedly a ladder climbing biatch. 

Please explain that one 

[Niek]

I am one year older than my H but I am looking much younger. People also always thought my H was older than me. OW is ten years younger but looks terrible and a decade older than me. Thats what D, who once met her, told me.

But...also his brothers initially married an older woman. Now they are with their 2nd, 3rd or even 4th woman. All these women are younger but they are all very very very unattractive and all looking much older than they really are.

Their first wives: all still very beautiful women and looking way younger than they really are.

Has the fact that they choose such an ugly and unattractive woman something to do with low self esteem?