[OffRoad]

Remember best man and woman are in marriages, who You can find on "market" appropriate age who aren't broken ?

This is why, after my wife gets her divorce, I'm going looking for a 21yo. One of the reasons. 

Did you miss the part where Albatross said "appropriate" age? What makes you think a 21 year old who wants someone so much older isn't "broken", too?    OK, so maybe I'm jellin' a little. I don't have enough money to be a proper cougar....

[paradigmshift]

Love and marriage is a choice. It's not about the perfect person. There are so many women who are better than me, as there are as many men who are better than my MLCer. There are many men who are rich, responsible, do the cooking/laundry whatever, dote on their children, worship their wife, {insert whatever virtues your MLCer had}, and vice versa. Our spouses are replaceable if we choose to replace them. But we don't. Sadly, that is what our MLCers have chosen to do. And sadly many do not return because in the hands of a weak person, we are in fact replaceable.

[MyBrainIsBroken]

Did you miss the part where Albatross said "appropriate" age? What makes you think a 21 year old who wants someone so much older isn't "broken", too? 

I was afraid somebody would point out the flaw in my plan.

OTOH, if the choice is between a broken 21yo woman or a broken women my age ...

Seriously, I asked my therapist a while ago if there was something wrong with me because I seem to be attracted to and relate better to young women (early 20s) than women my own age. I wonder sometimes if my MLT was really an MLC and I'm still in the tunnel.

But my therapist said she thinks I'm normal. There's a surprise. She told me that it's not surprising that I would relate well to younger women because I spend most of my days working with young people and because GD14 and I spend a lot of time together. And, I prefer fit, active women because I am fit and active myself and it's usually fit, attractive younger women who I talk with at the races I run because there are so many of them. And why wouldn't they be attracted to a 56yo man who has a real job, doesn't live in his parent's basement, and can run a sub 22 minute 5K? And did I mention that I drive a beautiful, manual shift Mustang?

Also, unfortunately, where I live, most of the women my age get their exercise by retrieving the potato chip bag from the pantry. OTOH, in NYC last week I noticed that fit, attractive women do come in all age groups. In fact, I noticed a bunch of times.

OffRoad, I think a woman with your knowledge of cars and all things mechanical wouldn't need much money to be a proper cougar.

A friend of mine went out with a 21yo woman (girl?) after his divorce. He was in his early forties at the time. I asked him what happened after he quit seeing her. He said they had a great relationship until she opened her mouth and started to talk.

Those of you who are offended by this topic will probably be pleased to know that I fell during my last race and badly scraped my knee and I am in excruciating pain now after accidentally pushing my laptop computer against it.

[Songanddance]

My M to H (27 years now) is second marriage for both of us.

I married my first H after 8 years of courtship but it was a weekend R where I was away at uni and then my first job for 6 of those years and it was parental pressure that created the need to marry. Within 6 months we both knew it wasn't right.  I had met H socially at this point but nothing was going on simply because H was in the process of separating from his first wife because he had cheated on her.

He was broken when we met and still legally married.  I was married when we met and within 6 months of meeting H - we were together and I had pulled the plug on my first R. 

H and I have been together 29 years; We have our wonderful children.   Does his MLC mean that it was all wrong? That at some point we were doomed to failure because it was a second marriage and he was broken when we met?  I don't think so but then again perhaps I was naive to think that he wouldn't cheat on me either. I believed in the soulmate principle. I believed that we were meant to be together. Now that is naive.

I failed to see that I was not whole myself and nor was he.  Perhaps both of us pushed our reality checks away but because H had more FOO issues and is most definitely an ostrich when things get bad - he was "destined " to have a crisis.

What is sad is that I see young friends of mine getting married and they look so happy and what is at the back of my mind?  The thought that it may not last and will he or she have an MLC later down the road?   

Three of my colleagues at my workplace have endured an MLC - all three have sought divorce. Two have been final for some time and one is in mediation. All three do not get MLC - much as I recommend the forum. All three women are slightly bitter. The two divorced MLCers are still with their AP but neither have re-married. The 2 divorced LBSers - one has a new partner and the other is not interested in a long term R but likes the occasional date.

The interesting thing about these ladies is that they see no reason to change for themselves. They scoffed when I asked how they had changed with comments like - " He left me - we were fine. It was not my doing - why should I change?  It was his problem and he can deal with it!"

This is the core of the issue - people change and change changes people. It's how you handle the change that determines how good your change is! 
So will your MLCer marry the OP? Will it last?  Will they be happy /unhappy?

Who knows? 
Live your life for you and not through your MLCer.

[HeartTattoo]

Those of you who are offended by this topic will probably be pleased to know that I fell during my last race and badly scraped my knee and I am in excruciating pain now after accidentally pushing my laptop computer against it.

That worked out conveniently since none of us "old broads" were there to punch you in the arm for your stereotypes      .

Seriously, I asked my therapist a while ago if there was something wrong with me because I seem to be attracted to and relate better to young women (early 20s) than women my own age.

But my therapist said she thinks I'm normal. There's a surprise. She told me that it's not surprising that I would relate well to younger women because I spend most of my days working with young people and because GD14 and I spend a lot of time together.

But I have my own stereotypes & that is why I am not looking for anyone new until I move to a more progressive place.  If I remember correctly, we live in neighboring states, MBIB, & the older men here are into narrow-minded religion & reactionary politics, not to even get into the rates of smoking, diabetes, & heart disease here.

I love spending time with my sons & their friends.  I love their musical tastes, their willingness to try new things, their tolerance of human differences, their sense of humor, & truth be told, just the energy which has contrasted with my sadness & sense of loss.

But I don't want a young man; I want "an appropriately aged" man who is healthy & open-minded & was alive when Kennedy was shot & listened to "classic" rock on a transistor radio under the stars.  What I really want is my H, so in all reality, I still have some work to do on myself before I look for anyone.

[in it]

 Have to agree with HT. IF I meet someone I would like them to be the same age or a bit older than me.

And that's NOT the ex.

As to getting married again? Probably not. I'm starting to enjoy my freedom.

[LisaLives]

Those of you who are offended by this topic will probably be pleased to know that I fell during my last race and badly scraped my knee and I am in excruciating pain now after accidentally pushing my laptop computer against it.

That worked out conveniently since none of us "old broads" were there to punch you in the arm for your stereotypes      .

uhm, no HT, who do you think tripped him ;-)...  When my exH had a heart attack right after BD (trying to keep up with the 15 year younger woman, who actually does not like sex, but loves hip-hop concerts).  I was freaked out and told my friend "Pastor B" and a couple others that in my pain and bitterness, I had wished for that to happen and I felt so terrible.  Pastor B said, oh ll, you are NOT that powerful, as she shook her head and looked at me sadly.  Then she got a wry smile and motioned around the room, and said, unfortunately, the collective rest of us ARE, so don't you worry, you don't own this.  Be careful MBIB, us old broads are very powerful... 

But, no, in reality, of course you are attracted to young women, as we are attracted to young men.  And you could land yourself dozens of them, for all the wrong reasons.  But in ten years when your running legs give out and the spare tire starts to form and your skin sags, and you start to have other mysterious ailments, my doctor calls "seasons of aging."  Do you REALLY think that 35yo is going to stay by your side?  Can you say H-E to the double L NO.  Even we, us collective old broads kind of weigh Rs really hard knowing that we are going to live longer, so how much do we WANT to take care of this prospect--also knowing that men generally SUCK to take care of.  I would rather take care of ALL my women friends than one of most of the men I know...  And it's a HUGE factor in a lot of MLCers wanting to come back too, I think.  When they realize that sad reality--WHO will take care of their flat sagging butts?  It ain't going to be the cute nurse with the perky rack unless you can still pay her really well and she has time off to have her real life "on the side." 

Plus, don't forget a lot of those hot babes want real babes and I get a super kick out of going places and watching the miserable MLC men with their young families...  It's schadenfreude, sure, but it was their choice, the fact that I get to see it is just a consequence...         

[Seekingpatience]

This is interesting because I havent been attracted to younger men for the exact same reason as your friend, MBIB. They kind of lose their "allure" when they start to speak.

Even when I was in Uni, there were lots of fit athletic men around as I sailed and played sport but the guys I was most attracted to were geeks with a weird sense of humor. coursework was a breeze when they were in study group. "brains are the new sexy" kind girl I guess.

A. Good set of forearms didn't hurt of course!

[Medusa]

Why would anyone want a younger man? They don't have staying power, they don't have "experience" and they tend to be selfish.

How do I know? I've got a girlfriend who has been single forever. She goes through men like water. Love her, but she is $lutty. Anyway, she shares her "adventures" with me. She has gotten over being with younger men because they bore her and, according to her, are very selfish in bed. She once told me, don't be like me and get caught up in the flattery that a younger guy wants you. It's all about him.

The interesting thing about these ladies is that they see no reason to change for themselves. They scoffed when I asked how they had changed with comments like - " He left me - we were fine. It was not my doing - why should I change?  It was his problem and he can deal with it!"

This is the core of the issue - people change and change changes people. It's how you handle the change that determines how good your change is! 
So will your MLCer marry the OP? Will it last?  Will they be happy /unhappy?

Who knows? 
Live your life for you and not through your MLCer.

This is it exactly. All of us have things we can change, and we've been given a golden opportunity to do so.

And for me, whether they marry, are happy or miserable ultimately makes no difference.

I'm happy. That's really all that matters.

[Thunder]

Why would anyone want a younger man? They don't have staying power, they don't have "experience" and they tend to be selfish.

They don't have staying power???  I beg to differ with you on this one Medusa.