[ArmySpouse]

OK this is a total weird question I know..

 is it just by working out your own issues ??
because some people do not ever experienced a MLC  and others do ..
and of course they do that because they have issues ,emotional stuff that they have never worked out ..

 but a lot of people have emotional problems and never experienced a MLC ..

 so in order not to get into a midlife crises:
 I was just wondering if there's anything one could do to prevent that ..

 Again I'm just curious that's all !

[Ready2Transform]

I actually think focusing on, "Ok, what are my issues?!" and being in over-analysis mode can do more to bring a crisis on than not! The reality is, we are all going to go through changes, and at different times it will bring issues to the forefront. I was not expecting early menopause in my late 30s and bad side effects from bcps, or the recession to destroy my business. It wasn't that avoiding these things would have kept me out of crisis, but how I responded to them contributed to the rough time I had. I think that would be the biggest preventative to me, looking back, now.

So my advice -

1. Stay engaged in your physical health and mental well-being, don't be afraid to ask questions to your trusted physician, and be aware when you sense changes.
2. Put nutrition at the top of your to-do list.
3. Don't repress things, but practice responding, not reacting (MLC is a good teacher for this!).
4. Find a spiritual or personal development practice that will help alleviate any feelings of blame or shame (toward yourself or others) for any past pains that are currently not threatening your life. Seek counseling if any burden feels too heavy to put down.
5. Control what you can, don't worry about the rest.

We will all transition into the next phase of our lives. If I knew then what I know now, I think I would be in a different situation for myself - but absolutely none of it would have impacted my H. This was all his own personal responsibility, too. To his credit, he did seek mental help when his burden became too heavy, but he didn't commit to the process of finding the right treatment path. But I don't blame him either - he did what he felt was right, and those consequences are, I'm sure, a lot heavier than what he would have had to deal with if he'd just kept moving forward. But it will be a lesson learned, one way or the other.

[Absolutely Fabulous]

Love the question. Since most of us start working on ourselves right after or right before BD it might have a lot to with us not being thrown into our own MLC. Think about it, the first thing you thought of when it happened was, "What did I do wrong?". Then the soul searching got started.

I can only tell you that from my perspective, I was told for years that I was the problem. He even tried to get me diagnoses with BPD. Even convinced me that I was borderline. That is, until I went for the intake.The Doc looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I thought that I was. He told me that I wasn't a borderline: borderlines don't think that anything's wrong with them. Borderlines also don't seek help, let alone admit they are a borderline. So, I went through a lot of therapy to find out that I wasn't the problem. That was good for me, because I was able to work through my issues long before BD.

The FOO issues are what really causes this. If you have them, get into therapy now, while you still are in your right mind. This isn't something that you want to play with. In fact, the damage/destruction that they do is legendary. Who in their right mind would ever want to do this to another human being, let alone someone they claim to love?

[Lanzo]

Ace  question,

Funnily enough I have asked myself this a few times, as there have been a few triggers that could throw me there. For example I know I have missed out a lot interms of sexual relationships with women, 16 years married with xW and minimal sex, what’s to say I won’t go crazy and try to relive the last 16 years by trying to eff anything that moves.

All I can say is that is not on my mind, and  I don’t feel any sort of depression or anxiety, so if MLC does hit me it won’t be anything planned or I’m aware of. So I am going to keep on the path that I am on of focussing  on myself and my own well being and hope I never come across my own MLC.

Lanzo

[Thunder]

Personality has something to do with it too.   Some people are more aware then others.   Emotionally aware.  They just know when something isn't right and will more readily get help. 

 

[NeverGiveUp1]

I'm worried about this too .. I'm honestly sick of being the responsible one and sometimes feel like I'm just going to snap myself .. why does he get to escape and have all the fun?

[Absolutely Fabulous]

I'm worried about this too .. I'm honestly sick of being the responsible one and sometimes feel like I'm just going to snap myself .. why does he get to escape and have all the fun?

I know how your feel. But, I would never do this to anyone.

[OffRoad]

Love the question. Since most of us start working on ourselves right after or right before BD it might have a lot to with us not being thrown into our own MLC. Think about it, the first thing you thought of when it happened was, "What did I do wrong?". Then the soul searching got started.

I can only tell you that from my perspective, I was told for years that I was the problem. He even tried to get me diagnoses with BPD. Even convinced me that I was borderline. That is, until I went for the intake.The Doc looked at me like I was crazy when I told him I thought that I was. He told me that I wasn't a borderline: borderlines don't think that anything's wrong with them. Borderlines also don't seek help, let alone admit they are a borderline. So, I went through a lot of therapy to find out that I wasn't the problem. That was good for me, because I was able to work through my issues long before BD.

The FOO issues are what really causes this. If you have them, get into therapy now, while you still are in your right mind. This isn't something that you want to play with. In fact, the damage/destruction that they do is legendary. Who in their right mind would ever want to do this to another human being, let alone someone they claim to love?

That's funny. I can hardly wait to find out your H is BPD. I'm taking bets....

[OffRoad]

For me, I have no need of an MLC. I have a good life. I love my kids. I enjoy off roading with friends. I HAVE friends. I like my own company. I don't need anyone to validate me (Lord knows I've had to validate myself for these past three years). I owned my own business. I've had many good jobs that I was good at. I'll find another one. I don't believe that life has to be "happy" all the time. I like ALL my emotions, good and bad, and I don't stuff any of them. I exercise. I travel. I don't think there is something "better" out there (different, maybe). It's all an adventure.

I've had an incredibly good life. I've outlived my older sister. I've outlived my father. My MLCer is the one who is losing in this equation. Once my S16 has graduated from high school, it's all gravy. What's to MLC about?

[Thunder]

What's BPD Offroad?